Roll Call 26

Thanks cracking I'll try when I see her on thurs

My psychiatrist describe me as 'changeable'. I'm not sure what he means by that, any ideas?

Did you ask him what he meant? My definition may be different than his. I can't speak for him but to me I would take that as I can be healed.

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This is the actual definition.

I think he meant my problems and moods are changeable. So maybe he means my mood changes a lot. I thought everyone's does though :S surely people change day by day depending on the situation

You should ask him exactly what he means.

Sorry yeah I should, just wondering if other people are changeable and what he might be insinuating

No reason to be sorry I know I am very changeable

Hm that's interesting. My emotions/moods actually don't change that much especially now that the bipolar part of my illness is stable.

I don't think I have massive mood swings or anything just little things day by day

Yeah I think that's normal.

Thanks that's reassuring

Hi.I am listening to this song
its ones of my favourites.I am feeling better today.

i met with T and pdoc. i was feeling really anxious before the meeting so i took an extra seroquel. i was really sleepy when i got there. T asked if i was sedated and i said yes and told him why. we showed pdoc the article and T looked up more articles about it on his phone. Pdoc agreed to try it so we lowered the seroquel by half and added in abilify. T said he was glad i was thinking more long term (in regards to the effects of raised prolactin) and said that it used to be just getting me through the day. i didnt think of it like that.

I feel less depressed but I have been seeing things more than ever today I will be glad to get my dose increased to 4mg but I was going to see if my pdoc will skip 4 and go to 5mg because this isnt working so well.

My GP called me in to her office today because of bloodwork I did last week. I was having kidney problems because I was on lithium, but they sent me to a nephrologist and the nephrologist said everything was probably fine and asked me if I wanted more tests. My GP had ordered them anyway so I said no. Apparently these tests indicate there is still a problem, there is calcium and protein and white blood cells in my urine, and my creatinine and microalbumin numbers are too high. I'm scared of the calcium stuff, I don't want kidney stones. It also says "granular casts present" and google says that means "While most often indicative of chronic renal disease, these casts, as with hyaline casts, can also be seen for a short time following strenuous exercise." and I definitely didn't exercise strenuously before getting the bloodwork. I walked from the bus stop and it was a bit uphill but I wasn't out of breath or anything.

I'm going to try and stop worrying. No news about the 24-hour blood pressure test yet.

I hope I didn't break the thread...

I just cant talk to my mother She was hounding me for not trying to go to college I was telling her it was because I just feel a lack of motivation and I am not good at math I barely passed it my dad always made me feel like a idiot and inferior when I asked for help with home work but my mum says its my fault for being depressed its my fault for being unmotivated and its my fault I didnt let him help me with my math.but the reason I didnt let him help me was because of the way he treated me!it hurt me.and my lack of motivation is not because I am lazy or dont care its because of my schizophrenia and depression but yet they call me lazy.they always conspire against me my mum is always defending my dad even though he was drunk most of my childhood and physically and mentally abused me when he was drinking its almost like I am the one being blamed for the way I turned out because neither of them are mature enough to admit that they had a hand in the way I am.they made my mental illness much worse.they made me feel like everything is my fault when anything goes wrong I am the one they question and blame because neither of them can ever be wrong or at fault.its my fault I am bad at math its my fault I have schizophrenia its my fault for laying in bed from depression its my fault for wanting to abuse myself and cut myself and burn myself.its all my fault according to them.

No not at all I feel that way sometimes too. I've just been busy today. Had to take my youngest daughter shopping. I hate shopping!

Lilly bird have I'm wondering since you aren't planning on going to college at least yet have you applied for disability....I'm only saying this because in the us you get better pay if you apply before I think 21 I have no idea what it's like in Canada but it might get mom and dad off your back if you had an income...just a thought...also you might be able to move out...

I want to get better so I can get a job.I feel so helpless sometimes I just want to move out but dont have anywhere to go.I do need to do something I feel stuck I would love to go to college but I dont feel mentally stable or ready for it yet.

I might apply I really havent looked into applying for disability.maybe I can try.

Maybe this is my fault maybe they are right and this is all my fault I am such a terrible person I feel like a monster maybe I am just selfish.selfish for wanting to harm myself and selfish for hating myself selfish for being so closed off from everyone and trying to always hide in my room away from everybody.the voices are always telling my I am selfish and I am worthless and I am disgusting maybe they are right too.

Why do I always feel such a surge of actual happiness and actually feel good and then someone comes and says terrible things to me and I spiral into a darker depression than ever it makes me afraid to feel happiness.I feel like I should jump in front of traffic it would be quick and easy.but that is no way to think.I hate this I just want it to stop!!!

I am not stable enough to carry on a actual conversation right now sorry and I am sorry for all my whining.