Roll Call 27

I do the same thing. I was abused in a very simular way as u. Anyway there are a lot of sites exposing it, but it just triggers me. I wish I could stop going to them. It doesn't do me any good to hear the latest atrocity happening in this organization. Ugh...

Punky - they are trying to kill me with the medication, slow poison, that's why.

My appeal is Friday.

Sorry you feel triggered. Maybe the apology is a good thing? At least someone is taking responsibility. It's maddening when the person who abused you pretends it didn't happen, that makes me feel like the crazy one.

I used to look up one of my abusers on facebook. Don't do it any more - he doesn't have any power over me.

i wish i could bring myself out of this house. nevermind being fully functional - i cant even take a step outside to be slightly functional.

Yeah, it's allowing them to have power. It does me/us no good. The women making a documentary exposing this organization wants me in it. She has asked me like 10 times. There are many reasons I won't do it. See, the ppl that have websites exposing this organization weren't abused like I was. It doesn't effect them the same. I just want to move on with my life. It's so hard though bc I want all the abuses occurring in this organization EXPOSED!! I've got to find a way not to let it run my life anymore.

i feel the same way. i want to expose them. but its pretty much already exposed. regarding the treatment facility. if u just google its name a lot of stuff comes up about how abusive they were. i could have joined a class-action lawsuit against them because the clinical director that was there when i was there didnt even have a license to practice psychology.

i also feel like i want to expose my former T. but at the mediation after the settlement i signed a contract basically saying that i wouldnt talk about what happened unless it was a mental health professional. it specifically said not to talk about it on the internet. sometimes i get paranoid that they will find out that i talk about it on here but i dont give out his name. but he has websites and stuff and i just want to comment on them and be like YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SH_T. i think he asked for them to make that contract because when his license was revoked somehow the local news heard about it and posted an article online. i read the article and the comments. the comments were the worst. they were all saying that he would NEVER do anything like that and i was a ***** and wanted his money. they were really hurtful comments. so i made a screenname and told them how i felt and identified myself as Patient X (what they called me in the report, my name was never mentioned in anything). im pretty sure former T read those comments and wanted to keep me from exposing him. i signed the stupid contract but it makes me mad. why is he allowed to be able to hide from this? i hate him so much. it took me years to realize that what he did was abuse and very much like what happens with childhood abuse because of the dynamics. i think the worst part was right after i told and i felt so conflicted about it. when i told my pdoc i said im going to tell u something but i dont want u to do anything about it. i knew i didnt want to be in that situation anymore but i felt like it was my duty to protect former T. he instilled and groomed me to believe that. i tried to kill myself in the hospital days after i told. i no longer feel conflicted or guilty about turning him in. it was hard to feel angry at him at first but now thats all i feel towards him.

Yea. I remember that was the problem before.
But you are alive while taking the med. And out of hospital and not in jail or dead. Maybe you should reconsider if it allows you to be home?

How is everything else going with you?

punky

Big (((HUG)))

punky

You are so brave.
Really.

punky

How soon until the documentary will be ready to air?

punky

I know I am definitely not depressed right now because I crave crowds and people. I have class twice a week, rehearsal twice a week, and that's it. It's not enough. On the days where I sit home all day I take my laptop and sit in the coffee shop for an hour or two. Today that wasn't enough, but I didn't want to go to the coffee shop twice in one day so I went to the library, but all the tables were full. I don't have bus fare to go to a different library or coffee shop, but hopefully next month I can.

At least the days when I have class or rehearsal I have fun. I have noticed I'm slightly louder and more boisterous than I have been in a while, but I don't think I'm hypomanic. I don't meet the DSM criteria, anyway.

It makes me think even more that my Asperger's diagnosis is really a combination of not being comfortable socially because I was the wrong gender, and depression/anxiety.

I've also been thinking a lot about my future plans. Maybe I don't have to go to theatre school. I think I'd rather get a job and focus on getting my work out there. More books, plays, songs. I'm a creator. I love acting, but creating stuff is even better.

Yeah I've had two therapists trying to sleep with me when I was in tx centers. I wish I would have told on them. I was too scared, young and they knew that.

I'm really, really sorry all that happened to u.

The teen treatment centers that are abusive are being exposed. But honestly, not many ppl know. I read the book "help at any cost" and omg, I couldn't sleep for days. I hope soon this is ALL EXPOSED!!

She's saying August.

im so sorry you guys had to go through all that abuse

Well I went to group. It was ok. I just ate one of those single serving pizzas. It was 750 calories. I would go for a walk but it's raining here. Summer still hasn't really come where I'm at. Their saying on Thursday it will warm up. Can't wait, I love summer.

I took my youngest daughter to her college orientation today. It was a very long drive there and back. I totally hate driving in busy, fast traffic. My anxiety has been out the roof all day! She'll stay there over night until Wednesday. Then I'll make the long drive back to get her. They had a parent portion of orientation that would have required me to stay over night too. I wouldn't be with her though. I couldn't stay there for that. I feel really bad about not being able to stay. I really hope that she's not the only one there without a parent.

How are u doing newtus? Has the paranoia let up any?

not really. its the same. my dads an hour late home from work so im worrying too. i had this dream about aliens taking people up into their spaceships and broadcasting on our tvs with the government and it has me all paranoid that theres aliens around me.

Can you call your dad & check on him?

Wow. I never knew there was so much information about mental disorders lol

i did. he said he wont be home for another hour. which is almost up. but i still worry

I hate that u have to go thru this.

I'm bored and watched a ton of documentaries yesterday. Watched compliance. It's a movie based on a true story. It was pretty good.

Hey looks like we need to make a new roll call who wants to do it?I made this one.

There is more than anyone could read in a lifetime...now what portion of it is valid is anyone's guess...

Exactly!