Roll Call 34

im exhausted too. i went to grocery and sent off some mail. i still got a lot more to do this week

I still can't believe I bought a capelet yesterday-----it's beautiful and I kind of love it but still its bizarre, there is no question of that....

I missed 2. I slept about 3 hrs. I think I could have slept more, but my sister is coming from out of town tonight for my bday. I need to be up early tomorrow. I'm not gonna take a risperdal today. And no buspar either. The psych nurse called and said just stop the buspar. Idk, I feel I need to be my own doctor most of the time.

I should probably post about this in the bp forum. Not getting enough sleep really effects bipolars.

Yeah I had sleep issues the first break a lot but the meds didn't touch them----but yeah they might know better how to fix it over on the bp forum, besides more posts is more experience and answers...

Happy Birthday Have a fantastic day!

i wish my pdoc would do a documentary lol or my therapist or clinic

Well my bday is tomorrow, but thanks. It's newtus tomorrow too.

Oh yeah I forgot you guys have the same bday-----I'll have to remember tomorrow---

my mom was talking about my cousin. i told her my cousin was posting pics on FB of herself and shes really thin. my mom said she didnt used to be thin. and my mom said "ive never seen her eat. she doesnt eat".

im nervous about my first weight watchers meeting. they are gonna weigh me in. every week. im on a points system to lose weight. my mom also said not to eat anything the two days before the meeting

The class was given a rather one sides speech about gangs. They pretty much said that if you are a group of students not in a adult- made organization then you are in a gang and that is bad. Which means they only want us to do stuff they tell us to, nothing more, nothing less.

If you don't eat anything you'll be setting your first point extra low....I don't think that's a great idea.....

im not quite sure what you mean but ill just eat healthier

It's water weight if you do it for the first weigh in you'll have to do it for every one after or you'll gain weight....

oooh ok thanks for clarifying

I feel like the teachers, administrators, even the mind controlled students are trying to make me crack and it is slowly working- i will crack eventually. Then I will have reason to go to a pdoc, from there drugging me to be a happy mindless slave. So I have to resist, AND blend in. And I am having trouble with both- which is exactly what they want.

I'm sorry ur struggling with all this. I have cracked and it wasn't fun. It took days for me to sleep and days for me to come out of my delusion. And they were medicating me heavily.

Other than us do you talk to anyone about this?

Well I'm getting scared. I couldn't take staying awake anymore and took all my meds. I only slept 2 hrs. And I was struggling with sleep before I started taking the risperdal now that I think back.

Late August is when I went into that psychosis. And then late August of last year I went into a bad mixed state. I'm so tired cause I'm on all these meds but my body just won't sleep. I'm gonna have to call the psych nurse again tomorrow.

It just really sucks bc I have all these plans with my sister for tomorrow...

It is too dangerous to talk about it when I'm not anonymous, they might find out. I only talk with my mother, but only when she brings it up.

Just messed around with google translate. I typed in: why hath thou brought to thee thy device of recording? I translated it then untranslated it and I got: with you to bring your recording device.

Well I think you need to open up to your mom and tell her how much this is bothering you. There's not a lot we can do...

If I do open up then I will probably be taken to a pdoc- which will then make me medicated into a happy little mindless slave- which must not happen at all costs. A diagnosis would also be pretty bad.

but wouldnt you like to not be miserable?

anyone up?

Happy bday sunshine and newtus

Happy Birthday Newtus

Happy Birthday Sunshine