Roll Call 34

Man, that sucks...

I just found the notepad I had when I was like 7-8 years old that I drew all these comics of a character I made up called Count Dratula. he was a parody of dracula only difference is every plan he tried to follow through with never went right and we was like drat that could have went better. lol some of these are still kind of funny.I will try to put some of these up online later.

Yes it did suck I had a lot of posts I had made

I hope u do, I'd like to see them.

That sounds cool!

That's ok, we don't really know what to do. This is controversial and maybe I shouldn't say it, but if he was an animal then it would be considered a kindness to put him to sleep, but because he's human, he must suffer. And if he complains about suffering, well then he must be depressed so we'd better ram some ADs down his throat

Hope you feel less stressed after seeing T

I thought quetiapine/Seroquel was the most pointless AP ever (I would say med, but moclobemide is the most pointless med ever - reversible MAO inhibitor with no side effects at all...no positive effects either though...doesn't even have a placebo effect! But I digress). Uni pdoc warned me that it would knock me on my arse for a bit until I got used to the sedation, so I gleefully started taking it, hoping for a few weeks of unconsciousness...nothing. Started at 25mg and eventually worked my way up to 500mg, before I refused to keep wasting my time with it. It did nothing for my mood (apparently it's a mood stabiliser) or the voices (worst dopamine occupancy of all the APs I've heard). And I found that the sedation sort of creeped up on me. Idk what dose cos 25mg did nothing, but by 500mg I was in bed 18 hours a day, which is contrary to all the literature...maybe it was AP apathy over sedation, idk.

It is good the delusions only last for such a short time though. I'd imagine that makes it easier to reality check them.

That is creepy! I can understand you wanting to blog elsewhere

That sounds funny! I'd love to see some if you can upload it somewhere

Tomorrow is a bank holiday in the UK, which means no craft group. I am very grateful for that fact.

*Willow*

I did suffer severe sedation , but it went after a while. In terms of AP properties i agree it could be better. I made my comment because i was not immune to the sedation , yet i kept taken it. The temptation with seroquel is to stop taken it as the sedation becomes worse and worse , i just had to force myself to stay awake , and if i couldnt id sleep for 2/3 hours and force myself to get up. I started with regular seroquel then moved to xr within 3 weeks. Now there is no sedation , but i take you point on its AP properties. I guess each med has its pros and cons and is a mater of trade offs. Also people have to be careful with their weight and what they eat on seroquel.

I got a little sleep I was up going to the kitchen and heard some voices whispering I got some ice cream and went to to go sit on the couch and I heard a very deep voice say Get up.I am thinking this is happening because of me accidentally skipping a dose of my meds.

Yeah, that might be it.

I think that is an important point Materly. Obviously people differ in which side effects they would tolerate and to what degree, but I feel like some people (not specifically anyone here, just people in general that I met as a medstudent) give up too quickly. I guess for me, meds are a last resort, and so I will put up with a month of nausea and headaches or whatever for something that works. My problem is that they don't seem to work. I didn't stop quetiapine because I was sleeping 18 hours a day (and I think that was more due to apathy about being awake rather than I physically couldn't force myself to wake up earlier) or even really due to the weight gain that made me overweight for the first time in my life, but because it DID NOT WORK AT ALL in the six months I'd been on it, and so the side effects greatly outweighed the nonexistent benefits. If it had worked, then maybe being fat and sleepy would've been worth it? Idk, I've forgotten what normality is, it's been so long :/

I have an alarm set on my phone to tell me to take my meds each night, otherwise I would never remember.

*Willow*

I'm shattered... just met up with a Uni friend who I haven't seen in 2 years & his flat mate who I didn't know. I'm completely mentally drained from having to try to think of things to say & making a conscious effort to smile & laugh at appropriate moments.

It was good really but totally exhausting, especially with all the walking I did too. Eugh. I'll probably just sit & stare out the window for an hour or two now.

SO. just got back from my volunteer position. everything went great. im a little nervous that maybe i didnt do something right but i think i did.

ANYWAY
SAW MY THERAPIST TODAY.
after like 3 weeks! jesus!
anyway she wants me to get on a extra insurance or something. its called NorthStar. she said i can get on the ACT team. which im not too sure what that is. but ok.

idk how i feel about all this with the therapist. my dad claims shes she afraid of me and is probably pushing me onto someone else. and that really got me thinking. i have no idea if that really is the case though.

I'm not sure how it is in Texas but the ACT teams in other locations will actually come to your house to check up on you and offer services---it's a really good thing.

I'm glad your volunteer stuff is going great----

I'm on a buying spree---season tickets for the ballet, some clothes mostly just fun ones---one is actually a capelet---I have no idea if I'm totally out there or what right now but it looked really fun. Also and ipad so I can give the old one to my mom-----I'm sure this is mood associated buying but I'm kind of like why not---I tend to make these rational logical purchases instead of fun ones so why not? Of course this is on tops of the wings and stuff I already got last week....

I also got a satchel for my friend that is a purple paisley/peacock with gemstones inset---it is so perfect for her.

yea she said something about them coming to my house and stuff. i wonder if my dad is right and shes pushing me off her onto someone else? ddo you think so?

she says i need more help than her 30 min of whatever she does. but idk why SHE cant give me MORE TIME. and give me ACTUAL THERAPY.

on another note im starting to hear voices for the first time in maybe a month. im really stressed out about everything im doing. and whats going on around me. im very paranoid too. i keep talking myself and everyone looks at me.

No its more like supplementation than pushing off I think---its meant to be easier for you....

It can help to put your phone up to your ear if you need to talk to yourself---people just assume you're having a convo with someone....

I feel miserable and exhausted. I've stopped hearing voices and I always take my medication. But now I'm emotionally at rock bottom and I don't know why.

Do you have an anti-depressant too?

You could try a couple of minor cbt tricks that sometimes work. Find some place and just start laughing (at nothing or at something) for ten minutes.

Mix 3 things you love----try to appeal to different senses. Listen to your favorite play list while eating something fabulous and reading a book or go out to a park with your mp3 player, your pet and a camera....whatever floats your boat but pick 3 things.

thanks sometimespsychotic.
i didnt think id say this but im having a stressful week. its my birthday week. im hearing voices and am paranoid

Happy birthday week!

You sounded so good recently maybe cut back a little if you're doing too much? I think we're all really proud of you around here but if you aren't stable taking on so much just chill for a bit.

ACT teams usually have their own therapists

also i dont think ur T is refusing to do therapy with you. you said before how u wouldnt talk to her til the last 10 minutes. and u refused to talk about ur mom and stuff with her. also you are not med compliant. all of these things are probably factors in why she reduced ur session time and wants you to go into a community based program

NAMI | Assertive Community Treatment (ACT)

yea but all that has changed. im talking more and we talked about my mom today. ive been taking my meds.

i suspect she IS tryingg to end our therapy together. which hurts me.