Roll Call 41

well i believe god watches everything everyone does. no matter what it is. he doesnt always do something about it but i believe he watches everything. and i mean like the angels that are not of deceased people. AND THEN theres the spirits of deceased people.

I believe in a much more limited God....if he sees all the poverty and suffering and does nothing that kind of makes him a jerk so I belive he has limited capacity to oversee everything...

ok besides going into religion cuz im just going to debate - i still think im being watched regardless. if not always by god then i fear my passed relatives and especially some sort of angels or demons because ive heard them before and i dont think that what i hear is always hallucinations. i couldnt pee yesterday because i felt like SOMEONE or SOMETHING was watching me. idk what or who but i felt a presence and i just lol i couldnt use the bathroom. plus masturbating. i should test that again.

thing is im also having like religious ocd or something. idk this is hard. its tough.

we should make it mandatory then. everytime, you have to tell rollcall haha

youre crossing the line a bit with that one right there.

its gloomy outside today

FIRST OF ALL everyday is just full of paranoia. every. single. day.
i just want to not have to worry so much about playing with myself and having ANYONE alive or dead or god watch. because im already being watched by police and helicopters and planes. AND demons and the passed people.

Just thought I'd check in as per the mandatory requirements above, I've just... kidding.

Hope everyone is doing well today. Quite strange, but taken my first dose of 10mg of Abilify last night & my akathisia is very mild today. Can't complain though & I hope it stays that way.

have u tried taking benadryl? sometimes that can ease the akithisia

god made us sexual beings. i believe in a way he lets us use masturbation as a means to release sexual tension. I JUST DONT WANT HIM WATCHING ME

omg all the angels and my deceased relatives are watching me orgasm

its not funny

Same here....very gray....

All my voices were watching me and commenting every time I had to pee they would tease me like don't worry it's just the girls but then the guys would chime in we're here too. I just learned to pee/shower anyway....I stopped responding as much as I could to their comments. This was all before When I though they were real. You can't stop them from watching but you can stop caring....and do what you want to do anyway....

yea
ive been hearing more voices lately and seeing things. all sorts of things.

im worried now. it is real isnt it?
you wanna know how i know? the haldol hasnt been working anyway so i just decided to stop taking it alltogether. the voices are still here on it. the visuals are still here on it. so i suppose its all real?

I don't think its real but it's impossible to say for sure....sometimes the meds take longer to work or stop working when you've left them untreated for a long time I think, based on anecdotes not scientific studies...

I think if it were real though we would all see/hear the same things but for the most part we don't.....

i might have to get new meds. but what do i do about the voices and visuals now? i shouldve been in the hospital this past month but im glad i never went even tho i needed it many times.

I think getting on new meds is a great idea... bear in mind in can take 3-6 weeks of taking a medication at the right dose for it to reach it's full effect.

You can't take it here and there and expect results. As for now, you can either take your Haldol, which probably will help in some ways - at least stop you getting worse & get in touch with your p-doc.

i actually dont see my pdoc til january 7 :/ theres no other real way to get in touch with him.

got a 100 on my last exam

I'm not sure...haldol is the strongest med as far as d2 binding but your dose may be too low or you could try a new med anyway. The weight neutral ones are abilify, Latuda and Geodon....the last two require you to eat when you take the pills for better absorption...

I'm still skipping meals. I'm just not hungry. I know I shouldn't because I'm naturally skinny and losing weight could be bad for me. But I can't eat if I'm not hungry. I think my medication has stopped working but I'm not telling my mental health team. I'd rather be this way. Besides, I'm not harming anyone so why should it matter.

im just so scared about taking a high dose and being sleepy all the time and especially gaining weight. ive lost about 18 pounds so far and it took 4 months to lose that.

Probably better to try a different med then......

i thought this was cute and sad at the same time.

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