Roll Call 41

i got off work an hour early

work went pretty good.

T texted me a pic of him painting his office. hes such a dork lol . its a green color. i said me likey

god school starts tomorrow im so nervous. my first assignment is to post something on the forum in there. lolll omg im gonna wait til a few people post til i post. ill prob be checking it all morning tomorrow

What's wrong Bean?

I can't shake this depression. It gets me every single night. I was speaking to my mom like business as usual but inside I'm so unstable. If I increase my anti depressaant I wont feel anything at all, which is worse than this depression. I don't feel human at all when I'm on a regular dosage. It's like I'm a zombie and music doesn't sing to me anymore. It's weird. It's like part of me is lobotomized. I guess I'm fortunate that I don't need such a high dosage.

Have you tried therapy? CBT can work for some depression....

I see my psychologist tomorrow. We haven't done any CBT, but I'll bring that to her attention. I really try to get myself out of it by doing pushups, listening to positive music, making my cat let me pet her lol, or talking on the phone. Nevertheless, it just pounds away at me incessantly. I just can't find a moment of bliss these nights.

just did my last homework assignment for the semester...pretty sure im getting a B in world civ and an A in computer. i hope. at least.

It sounds like you're doing some of the behavioral elements already....one of the others I learned for milder depression was just laughing. You just go into a room by yourself and start laughing. It sounds weird which is part of what makes it easier to start laughing. You're supposed to do it for like ten minutes just like you would exercise...I can never make it to ten but even if you can pull off three minutes or so it helps.

Of course if you're past the point where you can laugh this one doesn't work so well...

Then you bring out the big guns.....you double up or triple up stuff you like to do. So combine things like music and petting your cat but add a third thing like a food you like or just a smell or something visual like pictures of friends or travel destinations....but try to get at least two if not three sensory Inputs going at once.

i havent been sleeping barely at all since i ran out of ambien.
sucks
hope i can sleep tonight or something

School starts tomorrow? I've got two in college and they took finals last week. The spring semester doesn't start until mid-January

So be sure and check your schedule before you show up

im taking a wintermester course that last for 4 weeks. starts today. and then i take a couple spring courses in mid january.

Morning roll call!

I'm thinking of switching my meds back to night time. I've been quite sleepy at times during the day & I have been having naps / going to bed at like 8/9pm. I don't think I'm losing motivation to do things per say but I think the tiredness is making me less likely to do things.

Surely I'll sleep ok on them at night with all that in mind but we shall see. I'll skip my morning dose tomorrow & go back to night that evening.

I hope that works out well Loial. I'm having akathisia in my feet, ankles, legs, and core (and my arms wrists and hands) but I can't quit the med. The other aap's caused tardive dyskinesia (risperidone & seroquel). Geodon made me sick, Zyprexa caused me to gain 60 pounds in 4 months and the others caused varying degrees of the same. Haven't tried clozapine though.

i woke up at 3am. i STILL cant sleep. ugh i REALLY wish i had my ambien. but its run out.

Hang in there newtus! I'm having sleep problems too but I'm glad to be getting up at 3 instead of going to bed at 5 am.

Hi guys, whats shaking?

Thanks Angelique.

nm just hangin at school my teacher is letting me come on oh guys my guy friend John says hi

hope your school mates are nicer to you today Bean. Is John your crush haha?

thanks and no hahaha

You sound like me. I've tried soooo many aps. They all have their downfalls.

Akathisia is horrible. I get it bad though. Sorry you're dealing with that.

you can answer for real when he's not looking lol

Well I'm feeling a bit better. I finally took a bath/shower yesterday. I changed some meds around and I'm not feeling as lethargic. I'm cutting the Celexa in half to see if I'll be ok on a lower dose. If I start feeling manic I will stop it though. Ugh...It's hard bc I miss being hypo and I need it. I've got to get this house clean and get out of here.

I think bc I didn't start taking bp meds until I was 36, I'm used of the hypos and its harder to give them up. I mean it's an incredible feeling. On the bp meds I'm not into music or pretty much anything. I feel like I'm not the real me. But...I'm staying on the meds bc I don't wanna go through the hell of not sleeping again.

Anyway, thanks guys for being there. you guys are great ppl.

ok kinda

Yes. :/ How are you doing today? Better I hope! Oops, didn't read your next post until after I posted.