Roll Call 45

reddit is amazing

Maybe you can order in and get some bottles of ginger ale? There's peapod.

I'm so depressed today. I feel like things are just especially hurtful today. I tried to watch Superbowl but the violence of the game was making me wince. I'm so scared of my condition and circumstances and there are more of those creepy beetles around my bed.

I'm so scared that I'm going to get sectioned

Sorry your struggling angelique I hope things get better for you

Thank you so much. I hope you don't get sectioned. I've been thinking if it weren't so hard I'd like to maybe go IP. Just to get me back on track with certain things like quitting smoking.

idk why im trying hard to live my life...

im not going to amount to anything and ill never connect with people.

all this **** im doing makes no sense

Thank you. I don't mind going IP I'm just worried about being involuntarily committed and having to leave uni cos it would be for 6months

It's a burnout. Hang in there. You've been through so much ****. You're connecting with people on here.

Everyone has to try hard in life but you have to try a lot harder than a lot of people.

Never give up. To the people that don't know, it just makes you stronger.

I'm gonna study like right in morning

Wow, that's a long time. I hope you'll be free to live your life and not be sectioned.

Relaxing listening to some chillstep, had a nice day. Back to schoolwork tomorrow.

I drew 2 things today but they didn't come out that great.
A flower, and a jack-0-lantern.

I'm not sure what to practice, playing my violin or drawing, I guess I could do both. It just seems like a lot on top of schoolwork.

Yeah I stocked up on soup and pizza already so I'm ok and I suddenly feel a lot better after getting everything out of my system and the headche went away too....maybe it will just pass? I so hope so.

Yes, I hope so too.

thank you. its partially a burnout. partially a realization that off my meds idk how im going to do any of this...do anything.

i kinda dont know what im thinking.

im hearing voices i think. in my fan...and sounds outside my window...

thanks for replying

i really dont want to goto my sisters wedding. i dont want to see family. i dont want to meet new family. i just want to be alone. i want to do my own thing alone. i just want my daily routine for right now.

luckily school is online. i havent bothered with it for maybe a week now.

You know previously you've said that the social interaction helps when you feel like hospital material...I know when I talk to my T we kind of decided that even though I'm not big on social interaction doing a certain amount helps keep me sane. It's kind of a balance between what you want and what you need.

but not only is this a huge event. i also have to be front and center. i was chosen as the maid of honor.

stuff like going to comic con is not too big of a deal for me becuz the majority of people arent gonna pay attention to me and i dont have to talk to anyone if i dont want to.

this is...so much different. you know? its mainly family. and then im gonna be standing at the front of the church and doing diff things. i knew from the start i wouldnt be able to handle doing all that but what am i supposed to say? "no i dont want to be maid of honor sorry". its rude and slightly sad and embarrassing if i didnt do this as a sister.

anyway its not just one event. its 3 seperate events
so help me god.

I'd have a lot of trouble with that too, Newtus. Thankfully I didn't have to do anything at my sister's wedding. Maybe you could talk to your sister and tell her how shy you feel and she'll arrange to have you being mostly quiet?

Oh geez I hate those extended multi event weddings its just too much. I was maid of honor once for a friend it went ok but she gave me some poem to read at the last minute and I was a bit flustered because it was all this romantic stuff I don't particularly buy into. So yeah it's too late to back out now....but once it's over you'll be able to look back and be happy you did this thing for your sister....

itll be wonderful to look back on it all...if i get through it without doing something off the wall or dumb.

lol your story is funny.
yea i have to goto a bachelorette party thursday. the rehearsal friday. and the wedding and reception saturday.

honestly i was trying to get out of at least one event but she kept asking me to come so i just did. i wasnt saying no to her i was just avoiding her and her questions because i didnt want to say no.

i actually dont think i have to talk. i hope. but i have to do stuff like carry the end of her dress down the aisle and stand a lot and some other things.

That doesn't sound too horrible. You'll be glad you did it when it's over.

So same friends wedding I was putting gas in the car before heading out and the zipper on my skirt actually broke...I was in Seattle so I couldn't swap anything out or get a safety pin but I had a needle and thread in my purse and had to sew the skirt closed before showing up at the wedding. It wasn't the best job being the zipper was in the rear so I had to stand up in front of all those people with my sewn together skirt and hope for the best. Luckily it all worked out or I would have a very different story to tell....

Im okay, I miss having a friend to ask for advice. I havent talked to my ex bff in a long while and I dont plan on messaging them unless they message me since I was the reason the friendship broke up. Im in the process of trying to make a new bff.