Roll Call 45

my car has been recalled again

This is S2...he is named after my old pdoc.

aweee so pretty

this is really off topic from the forum and our current posts but how does everyone get their internet? like fiber optics etc?

i live in the rural and can only get either satellite internet or use our phones for internet but this internet company came along recently and its kinda like tethering your phone to your computer to use the internet. its really slow. thats why im on my phone so much. it sucks...

idk why i posted this...

i gotta take my medicine.
i cant take this anxiety anymore.
its early for me but im taking it anyway.

I use DSL through phone lines although they switched to fiber it's slow fiber, slower than cable which is also available.

im having a bit of an anxiety attack.
its an anxiety attack.
im sweating and heart beating fast and the tv and noise and music is making it worse. it always does. everything has to be quiet or itll get worse. i feel weak.

if i was having a panic attack i would be able to breathe or walk or do anything.
but most of my anxiety attacks turn into panic attacks. this time i think it wont idk. i took my meds.

i look weird/ugly i know...

Ya I live in the middle of no where so they charge a lot. Just a rip off of satellite internet that is 75GB for 85 dollars a month which really isn't enough. At midnight it's the first of the month so it gets reset it to zero. It's really slow right now because I used too much internet. I used internet on my phone last month and it costed 150 dollars on top of this months internet. I use up the internet 10 days before it resets usually.

I was going to buy wind mobile with 10GB a month for my iPhone (50 dollars a month) with unlimited internet when it runs out. Faster than my current internet when it runs out but I bought the wrong plan and have to wait 2-3 years to trade phones -.-

Sorry you're having so many panic attacks. It really sucks I used to have post SSRI panic disorder. 1-4 panic attacks a day or something. It's nothing like regular anxiety.. It's terrible.. Idk why I get no anxiety now I think it's getting back on the Prozac not too sure though.

yea we pay extra for data on my iphone so i can use it for internet

I have cable internet but I don't have a working computer, just a router and I use my phones to go online with WiFi. I do have cell data but I barely use it.

Well my nurse doesn't care that's she violating article 5. All she said was they would do a recall and if I don't go, then the police will take me there.

I was listening to an old interview with Gerard and he was talking about anti depressants, but really it could have been any medication. Anyway he was saying people quirks, depressions and failures that's what makes you - you, but a lot of people try and solve their problems with meds, which is a bigger problem because it strips away who you are. Also like Gerard - I want to remember everything, I don't want meds messing with my head.

Also my nurse is trying to control me more, she told me I shouldnt play Hatred when it comes out, well **** her, because its pre-ordered.

My medicine wasn't working last night at all. Boy was I an emotional train wreck for hours until I exhausted myself and fell asleep at around 7ish. Then I woke up at around 5 fully refreshed. I hope I don't have another day like that!

Also, something weird is going on with me mentally. Yesterday, I didn't feel any pleasure at all. It's like the SSRI is working by taking away all pleasure but not any of the negative emotions all with it. I even drank a beer which normally helps and I didn't feel a thing. I went through an entire day without a single positive emotion.

What's weird is that I can still feel music, unlike last time I was on the med. Not in a positive sense of course, just a negative one. I felt ticked off most of my day. I need to see my doctor. I need some stability and positive emotions in my life. I'm scared that my new med combo will take away my positive emotions with my negative ones like last time. There is hope though. I'm changing my anti psychotic to Abilify, which is a dopamine Agonist that treats SZ.

God, I don't know if you're up there but please don't take my emotions from me. I need them.

Going to start learning how to draw and paint, after all I do want to become an Art Therapist eventually. Maybe I can even incorporate music with my violin. I was in AP Art in my senior year of High School but I wasn't on medication then and had trouble focusing, most of the stuff I turned in wasn't good.

Where to start?

You could start by going to a few museums and gaining inspiration. Or a few art books. What really helped me with my passion for philosophy was incorporating it into every day life. At work I would listen to philosophy lectures, every weekend I'd go to the library and study, I joined a philosophy club.

-Maybe there is an art club.
-Here's a site with art video lectures from some of the best professors from renown universities. The Great Courses homepage
-Maybe you could look into art history books and learn the philosophy and history behind each art movement.
-Or some biographies of great artists. It would be interesting to find out their habits that make them so great.
-Also, ponder this question for me. I personally want to know this. Does beauty exist without a percipient?

I've taken philosophy of aesthetics if you ever want to talk about the philosophy of beauty.

I think these are both really coming down to the same thing. Meds can help if you are on the right one but if you are on the wrong one, they can change who you are. I really feel your pain Kureha that's meds can hold you back but if you were on the right one at the right dose, off your CTO I'm sure you'd appreciate how much they can help sometimes.

As far as SSRIs go, they take weeks or even months to reach full effect & I can certainly say I felt a bit down for the first few weeks on Citalopram. It should get better Odysseus but it will take time.

I hardly even notice I am taking Citalopram anymore, in terms of side effects, & I started taking it in June. I was supposed to be taking 30mg maybe going up to 40mg but I decided to stay at 20mg & it's been fine. I think there is a tendency to push doses too high with SSRIs just because their side effect profile is better.

Loial - I get the feeling they are never going to let me off the CTO, but the abilify is helping with my anxiety a bit.

Abilify is the ****. That's what I need.

Thank you for all the suggestions!

I'm glad the Abilify is helping in some way though.

*edit* - how long have you been on the Abilify injections now?

Have you heard of Plato's Allegory of the Cave? He doesn't directly give us a way to escape it but in another dialogue about the nature of love and beauty he gives us an answer that is linked to art therapy. I'll post it in the philosophy forum soon, with a description of the cave allegory.

Also, a German by the name of Friedrich Schiller, a friend of Goethe, wrote a book called the Aesthetic Education of Man. In it is he says that "Man is never so authentically himself as when at play" And our chief means of play is through the creation of art. To Schiller, art was the most important education a man could receive because it makes the deepest impressions on the soul. In other words, show me what moves you and Ill show you something about yourself.

Aristotle believes we are all pieces of art, and the point of life is to prune and perfect ourselves.

Ficino and company, during the renaissance asks "Would I rather be a man or an angel? I'd rather be a man because a man can always improve himself." This is echoing Aristotle's notion of man as a creation of art, always to be continually worked upon.

I started the injections on December 1st, so I've had 3 now. I was taking the liquid abilify in the hospital.

Feeling quite low today. On my own again. Being on my own isn't good for me I don't think and I'm alone quite a lot of the time even though I live with my bf. I should have gone to the other dimension last night but I made a deal with my bf that I wouldn't go if he didn't pester me about taking meds, so I didn't go and now it's really bothering me because the songs were telling me to go. I feel very unsafe today. Meant to be seeing my cpn tomorrow so will tell her things are getting worse and that I haven't been taking the meds.
Sorry to moan.

I knew it! I have always suspected this conspiracy even tho many called me crazy and paranoid. And now, as Little Didgee says, I have the proof to clear my name!

Well I have news for you Ms P, the UKers are gathering strength, and with the aid of a few otherly countried night owls our daily sessions are gaining momentum. Soon we will be having the most interesting discussions and the temptation to join in will disrupt the sleeping patterns of you all. MUHAAHAHA

Well Mr. W that will just give me some lovely company on those nights where I can't sleep. Win win I say....

A brief video of the snow.....it's quite nice actually since I don't have to go out today.