Roll Call 49

i have a therapist appt monday.
my dad cant be there.
i told my therapist that over and over and over.
she didnt listen.
her fault cuz my dad cant come. he has to work.

so i mentioned to my friend that T is starting a group for women with trauma histories and she said she would go to it with me. so now i feel more comfortable with going to that group. idk how it would work around my work schedule. it hasnt started yet. i think T is figuring stuff out for it. groups make me nervous but if my friend goes then maybe i will feel more comfortable. T said she could come . I wasnt sure if she could cuz i didnt know if they had to be one of his clients.

i feel really anxious right now. i dont know why. i got my period . i could tel it was coming bc i was moody and sometimes irritated. i get more emotionally sensitive too. but i dont get cramps. so thats good i guess. ok thats all for the TMI

i hear a helicopter over my house.
its shaking my house...
spying on me.
sending earthquakes

i sort of wonder what would happen if i just stop all my meds. even night meds

not gonna take my antianxiety tonight.
just wanna see.

ummmmm, what do u think it is gonna happen?

Ice cold apple juice is so refreshing

I am absolutely petrified to be off my meds.

Wishing you a soft landing

As much as I love Autumn and Winter, I'm ready for Spring/Summer so I can get out more

i just wonder how bad my anxxiety will get if i stop my antianxiety meds and how much sleep ill get stopping my night meds.

You could be sent to the hospital.. And they'll treat you with anti-bathsalt medication (benzos and antipsychotics)

anti bath salt medicine? what is that???

im really scared to be off meds too. im already jeopardizing myself being off my AP

i just idk
idk what will happen
its like i kinda know what happen but then what if it doesnt happen? idk idk idk...

idk. i feel paranoid already.

i feel like i need to punish myself.
i wanna bash my head in and punch things right now. I cannot hurt my family.

I read everywhere on the internet that abilify injection is better than paliperidone. I hope I have insurance for it.

the girl in the picture is looking at me. she is dirty and chained to the bed. i feel blurry eyed. she has a medical bracelet around her hand

idk where i am evn right bow
where am i?

I think you should take you night meds.....you're not sounding so good.

ugggg im dying from anxiety. i feel like im dying. but im not. i think anxiety gets worse during my period. is that a thing? like does that happen to other people? im not paranoid or anything just really anxious in my chest especially. maybe i will take a seroquel

During my period I'm mellow...it's beforehand thats bad.....

hmmm...mine just started today. usually its worse before mine too. maybe it will go away soon. i took a seroquel....they usually help my anxiety a lot. im too scared to take benzos because i have addiction history. im just gonna watch a show on my laptop and lay in bed

i think im in an episode
im scared

Maybe it's not the full thing it might go away if you take your meds.....

but
this has been goin on for weeks now. 2 or more
this is it

You might want to try a haldol.....

I used 500 dollars on internet. ****. **** **** ****

I think they are starting me on invega oral now.

I'll refuse it until I know about the insurance because I want abilify it's great. Side effects should go away soon. But I feel like I'm on meth sometimes