Roll Call 52

Hi Erti, I'm preparing to go out for Indian with my sister and her best friend.

Ah, I had a friend who came to spend a night at my place with her baby. Other than that I too basically spend my days not really socializing. Lol maybe we need to volunteer or something.

I'm doing pretty good. Been pretty happy.

Thanks! I don't know why, but I have a sudden, intense desire to learn how to make flan. Following recipes are ok, but if she has any insider tips, that'd be awesome! For instance, don't listen to loud music while arranging the different milks, or it may become upset and not set properly, that sort of thing.

Oh yum! I had hot dogs and tator tots for dinner!

Yay Tots!

Oh yes! So tatory.

Ah babies are awesome, especially when you can hand them back when they start crying

Glad you're doing well! I'm doing better myself!

I've been working on a section, getting board with it and moving to another section a lot. Pruning and perfecting. I only added a page today though. I did more research than writing.

Ill give an excerpt soon. Promise! Thanks for your interest!

Hahaha Christ you make me laugh Door.

Reminded me of this:

Lol I like to make boo boo faces and start crying with the baby as well. Just makes them cry even more but I didn't feel like standing up and walking around lol.

That's good that you're doing better. It feels good for a change! Feels good man!

lol! The best! I love listening to people say "maths!"

i actually dont paint as often anymore.

but when i did and when i still do its spray paint art.

im still practising but basically i use spray paint on canvas to make paintings. i took my inspiration from graffiti artists because im reallt inspired by underground and street art. like banksy.





my dad lets me use the side of an old shed to do graffiti art on. i tag my name on there. i tag and spray on it and stuff.

another little fact about me.
i dont do anything illegal tho.

That's freaking awesome!

Found this really oddly funny short film the other day:



Door, you might like it. I love the "oh jesus" part!

I'll be back... It's time to curry.

I am starting to feel manic again, it settled down for about a week, but I'm starting to feel that euphoric high again with the pressure in my head

Dig Your Claws into the World's First Cat Nightclub

Oh Japan... How I love you.

Need to figure out what to say to my doc on tuesday to make her realize how unhealthy I've become since on these meds, serious weight gain, blood pressure being up 20 points from what it normally is. Diabetes runs in one side of my family. I don't want to risk that. And it's causing emotional problems too, I'm really self conscious about my body especially when I'm out I feel ashamed of myself. I hope she can do something

I originally started taking benzos for catatonic symptoms. I'm not an anxious person, thankfully.

this not sleeping is really racking my anxiety.

im having to take my fulll prescription of 4 pills or more of xanax a day when i usually only have to take 2.

im so stressed out by everything.
and the bigger stressors i start crying when i usually am able to calm down with music or tv. basically through lazy distraction or calming distraction.

nothing is helping.
im getting headaches and im getting panic attacks. and i just havent slept. yet im not tired.

Hope you get some sleep and feel better Newtus.

I had a great day today. Spent the day with my daughter and the evening with the whole family playing games I like today

i feel like crap. physically.

i saw T today. then i went to work. the managers called me into the office. i got so scared. i knew i was in trouble. i went in there and he said that i am being written up bc i gave a customer their check back with their receipt. he said it happened on thursday. he made me sign this paper saying what i did. iwas so scared my hand was shaking. he said its not a big deal just be more careful. but guys, i was really scared. after i got out of there i realized i didnt work on thursday. i wanted to talk to him again but customers kept coming into my line. i was getting agitated and anxious and paranoid. i texted T telling him what was going on. i thought they were doing something on purpose to get me in trouble even though i didnt do it. well then 2 cops came in the store and asked to talk to the manager. i thought they were there to arrest me. i felt electricity all thru my body, i felt on the verge of a panic attack. i got so paranoid and scared.... they went in the back with the manager. i texted T againabout the cops and how scared i was. T responded and said to try to calm down and its ok. after they went in the back i started to calm down because they didnt talk to me or look at me. turns out they were there for the bagger. anyway after i clocked out i told the manager i wasnt working thursday. so how could i have done that. he said it happened on wednesday. wtf. he said they had me on video doing it. oh well whatever. im not scared or paranoid anymore. im home now and off for 3 days. thank god. guys i got so scared, i didtn know what to do. it was so overwhelming. im glad T texted me back and im glad i started to chill out.

anyway ive felt sick all day and i still feel sick. i havent ate all day and i have no appetite. i thought i had a fever at work. todays been rough....

It really bothers me that the manager gave a crap and put you under that stress and wrote you off as if you're just a person with no sole.

Apparently I left an apple charger cord on the unit or what ever and I don't remember. I'm not allowed to have it anymore. Yaya someone could .. How? How the hell does someone kill themselves with an apple charger? One of the nurses talked down on me.

I can't wait to get the * out of here and that the dealers don't do something stupid like threatening me because I talked pages and pages of paragraphs with bs because I was bored and I got to say what ever I want because they owe me 200 dollars.

My phone is about to die. I need to stop buying cigarettes because I told my mom that I wouldn't but it's so boring here and it's the only way to make friends because the smokers talk.. By ya I quit when I'm out of the hospital.

I think I'm high right now lol oh pot how I love you!

I was a bit sad when it was over. The fighting, I can imagine me doing that.