Roll Call 53

Yeah, I don't feel disgusted with myself because I'm eating normal portions of food and in a slower amount of time. I'm not eating half a pizza for example in 5 minutes

I went to the education room with a bit of motivation and did 5 multiple choice questions. I said screw it..

My focus and attention is hidden behind the severe lack of motivation and dull mood in schizophrenia and probably the clonazepam catalist inducing psychotic episode or the Abilify. I can't focus at all...

It's almost hopeless. This always * happens.

I'm going to keep trying.

You can knock me out but eventually, I'll always.. stand up...

I ONLY DREAM IN BLACK AND WHITE. I ONLY DREAM CUZ IM ALIVE. I ONLY DREAM IN BLACK AND WHITE, TO SAVE ME FROM MYSELF.

I just tried to find an old friend online and their numbers are disconnected. I did find a family member and called. I doubt they'll get back to me. I feel like such a jerk.

I love how anonymous we are here. Anyone else ever get sued over a credit card? I'm awaiting a summons. *sigh*. I will never get out of this hole I've dug.

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I hope you hear back

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its just that apart from the haldol which IS high but im taking it more SLOWLY.......EVERYTHING ELSE was working. AND i got off the celexa which wasnt working at the time.

and to report for those concerned... the NP did go back to the 10mg but broke the dose down into 5mg 2x a day as needed. so i can take the 10mg. but as 2 pills not as 1.

I hated celexa when I was on it. I got screaming headaches from it.

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Im on celexa

I like it

Glad it's working for you!

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Thank you! And I hope the cc company can't find you.

ughhhhhhhhh, I have a dentist appointment next week

It makes me so nervous, I guess it's a good thing I have a really nice dentist and the hygienists there are nice too.

I hate negative symptoms but at least there's some change with the abilify because my new psychiatrist actually tried. My outpatient psychiatrist said that I have to live through it for the rest of my life and it won't get better.

I'll probably have to go to my old psychiatrist but I want a new one.

Tomorrow I'm going with a good friend that I made here to the exchange incase they try to kick the * out of me in the parking lot. Idk why I'm self medicating but it's nothing new.

well...to be fair i self medicate with nicotine and coffee and stuff like that.

ive been awake too long. its affecting me

What was the point? They have already moved on. I've long since been shut out and forgotten.

Might have to go to school tomorrow, my agoraphobia is seriously over the top right now

This made me laugh! Thank you

Instead of taking the Zyprexa and Haldol now, I'm going to try taking them at bedtime with the Ambien and see if that helps me sleep better.

I keep thinking I don't have that until I think about going anywhere, actually walking out of here. And then I get clutched by terror.

i feel this weird deep sadness flushing through me. idk completely why. idk if its from stress overall. my dad was in the room here with me talking and watching tv when i felt i wanted to write something for my class down. for my paper. he said he would leave so i could properly study and i said i could write it while sitting on my bed and he said he would just leave. so i just said ok. i know he wants me to do well but i dont want to be alone. i was enjoying having company.

as i was sitting thinking about my idea it started to leave me. then i got this deep deep deep sadness flush through me. this loneliness that made me want to cry. i just didnt want to be alone.

you know...im doing all this stuff...im keeping pretty busy...but theres one thing extremely still lacking in my life. one thing that im slighlty suprised but not really surprised about...

im still alone.

yea. i still really dont have anyone to talk to in real life. despite all im doing.

does anyone else here have a problem with loneliness?

I feel lonely a lot during the day. The kids are gone and my husband is at work. I struggle through the day until they get home. I guess I'm lucky to have people that do come home, it just makes for a long lonely day.

Meant to add that lonelines is part of the reason I have 3 dogs. They keep me company and keep me busy during the hours I'm alone.

I toured a guy around the hospital because one of he nurses told me to. He adapted within a day because he was doing and saying things that I wouldn't care to do or say while I've been here for over two months and have a few friends. I didn't start talking. They did.