Roll Call 53

Tweaky only has 2g of coke soz

very interesting (maybe creepy) reddit thread about people who have died and come back to life, and what it was like to be dead

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/c...ampaign=buffer

makes me think about my dad.... the anniversary of his death is on thursday.

I'm really struggling with some information I got about my sister. Well I don't think she's my sister anymore. She's been taken hostage by drugs. I heard some really ****ed up stuff and I don't know how to process it. I can't save her and that breaks my heart. I miss the person I grew up with. I miss her so much it hurts my heart every minute of every day. She's the only living member left of my core family. I have to figure out how to put this information away so it doesn't send me over the edge and land me back in the hospital.

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my dad has been gone 10 years and his birthday is Friday. I get it.

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No matter what they think, you're going to blow them away with your philosophizing.

I don't know how it is in philosophy but in the sciences there are a number of special scholarships and the like for minorites in an attempt to recruit more people who might not traditionally persue a stem degree or research....we like diversity. I suspect there might be similar programs in philosophy....so I'd see it as a plus.

i agree with this.....newtus just imagine the unique perspective and ideas you'll have compared to the other students....now imagine the profs reading the same thing over and over again from the other students, they are going to love you....

I guess I'll play my game then go to sleep. Appointment in the morning. Have to go because this is the last time my insurance will cover dental before I turn 21 in June

thanks.
i need some positivity. it wont be all bubblegum and stuff but im hoping for something different and hoping to bring something different to the table in this world. i feel like besides being female and not white that my mental illness adds to the fact... but... i feel like i can reach out further with my illness for ideas. idk why. i just feel like i can.

i will look into that. i havent truly confirmed my major or even going completely further in school BUT i will look into scholarships. so thank you!

i accept your apology since your willing to give it
your ok ody!

Lol went to cvs to get my meds... Found out you can buy moonshine there. Awesome!

Getting another coke for another smoke.

Life owes me years of hedonia.

I feel like crap because I mostly talk about drugs on here. I just want to get that feeling back of being content. It's sad. Hopefully I can enjoy life eventually. I hate this it's so hard.

My leaving of this place will be pretty spiritual I'm sure.

Therapist even said that he did drugs especially marijuana and it gave him a different perspective on things.

Why the government wants to not legalize so we can see things differently hmm.. I don't know..

morning. anyone up?

Yeah, had my dentist appointment earlier. Got my teeth cleaned and a fluoride treatment, have 3 small cavities to be filled in the next few weeks

hey bluebird

Hey newtus How are you?

Ah don't worry about it. It was a learning experience. It was only for a short course so I'm still on track for college in September, luckily there's no aptitude test for that, my old grades and projects will come in to account instead, which is good!

saw T. we talked about the chapter and i let him read the things i highlighted. i almost cried when we were talking about how the memories come up and i try so hard to push them away. thankfully i didnt cry but my eyes were full of tears. we played cards some. T asked if i think im getting better. i said yes. i told T i know i used to be a pain in the ***. he said yeah but you were a lovable pain the ***.

T is going on vacation late july. he is most likely going to colorado to backpack in the wilderness again. (he always does that ) i emailed him the other night saying i don't want him to go because i always get scared he's going to get eaten by a bear. at the end of the session i asked him if he got my email about the bear and he smiled and said yes. he said it is good that im letting myself care about him and be attached. i said yeah but i always think you're going to die! i guess thats part of the risk...

im at my friends house now. she's in class , she left the key for me. im waiting for her to come home then we are gonna hang out til i go in to work at 5. only a 4 hour shift then im off wednesday. i asked off for thursday bc of my dads death anniversary. i really hope they give it to me and i dont have to talk to them about it. they should give it to me because i requested off in the beginning of april. but if they do schedule me on thursday im just going to tell them i asked off and am not able to work. the new manager is arrogrant and i dont like him, so hopefully they let me off so i dont have to talk to his janky ***. lol

i did something terribly scary. i told T i loved him. in a text.

me: is it wrong to feel like i have love for you? not romantic love or in love just that i love you as a person who has helped me so much. is that wrong or bad? i feel like i do love you but im not if its bad to express that.... and its scary. is it wrong? to say this?

T: No. its not wrong! it is natural and a very good sign. Like love for a parent

ive been going over this in my mind a lot lately, feeling like i have love for T but it also being scary and fearing that it's wrong and bad. i feel so relieved that i told him this and i am comforted by his response. it was super scary for me to admit this to him, i wanted to take the text back after i sent it. but now i feel better about it

im ok. i was gonna see a movie with my mom today but it rained today so we postponed it.

I had no idea it rained so much in Texas....how hot is it there now?

I agree with your T it's a great thing-----hopefully you'll feel more comfortable about it now that you've told him....

The new Avengers movie is pretty good if you've seen the first one. Seen it the other day.