Roll call 55

thanks for the update. sorry you had to delete it. :/

being on a lot of medicines is rough as hell

I was 16 with first psychosis and wasn't doing any sort of drug.

For now I'm not posting here anymore much.

I don't think I'm schizophrenic and wanted to stop all my meds to prove it but I mean, what ever.. Not this crap again. People don't believe me so I'm just sort of giving up on my treatment.

Bad day..

What's wrong?

Sorry to hear axiom

Handed in my creative writing today and need to do revision for exam tomorrow now. Having my injection this afternoon to dose me up so that's good. Hoping it kicks in soon

Tweaky, please don't leave, and don't give up on you're treatment.

I'm not getting on to you, I'm just curious how the process of diagnosing someone with sz works and how they can differentiate between a drug induced psychosis and a plain ol' regular psychosis.

Either way you shouldn't give a crap what other people think and refusing treatment because that's just silly!

I dont think I'm schizophrenic too, but I still allow myself to be on regular med treatment, yet at the same time i dont feel like anyhting is helping. Other people(esp neighbors) still kept making fun of me and I'm on heightened paranoia alert as usual. Any triggers will put me in a murderous rage, something which I mask off well but struggled badly in. Meds are of little to no help and I dont know why am I taking it. Getting depressed with each and every day.

tweaky please dont leave

morning everyone.

i got a B in my philosophy class!!!

That's great! Congrats newtus!

Congrats newtus that's great

Taxi took 2000 dollars from me apparently when I was in the hospital. Greedy ****. At noon I have to make a statement about it to the police. Then hopefully I can get my money back through government if I can't get it from the taxi guy because I was denying my illness the whole time I was there. And yes. I do need my meds and I'm schizophrenic just the damn insight KILLS me because I used to have insight before. I always knew what I was doing most times. Sometimes I don't see the point of living when I think this way. But the meds help.. Or is just giving me slow brain damage.

The guy I smoked with is a ****. So I'm giving the name as revenge. People need to keep drugs away from me. I ask for drugs. I don't need people offering and screwing me for that much money when I'm Ill. A good friend there is a coke dealer. My mom isn't giving me my controlled meds even though I don't plan on abusing anymore so what ever maybe I can't control myself and might as well screw the dependent aspect and go full blown addict and take the bottle once again. But I won't because the meds are making my thinking better idek give up. I guess I am disabled in some way because in this mind state, I would have knocked him out for even thinking about the money. I made a pissed ofF phone call to one of the wrong taxi or he's lying. No one believes me. I'm also convinced that my mom wants me in jail. I'll lie for my roommates though. They were nice and didn't take advantage of me in that mental state and were sincere about it in how we were all getting better. Giving each other cigarettes when the other didn't have any. I made really good friends there. Did some coke no big deal. But who hasn't in that place? (Like before they got there) Not different from prescribed. I was just focused and awake but in an expensive way. No one believes me so what ever that I don't get high. I did a lot and I was paranoid before that. It took the paranoia away but no one will believe me. No one. I know this.

****ing ghetto taxi drivers.

I may attempt to overcome my fear of the backyard today, and try to tidy it up

It showed 200 dollars withdrawn 5 times in a row omg. Hopefully my mom will let me control my own money and meds in the future. But not now at this time and I understand. But when I promise, I take that with my life but my mom is too over protective. She put me on a life jacket when I was fishing ughhh Canadians..

I can't revise my concentration is so poor. The exam is tomorrow. I am screwed. Keep going keep going.

thanks angelique and justme! and others!!!

Are there gators or something?

I feel really numb and emotionless atm. Like I wasn't even stressed about my exams and usually I would be so anxious, but I just don't really care. My parents have paid for me and bf to go to Disney when we go on holiday, which is amazing of them, but I didn't feel happy. Just feel nothing.

i wish my city library was better. its ghetto. i wish i could goto the college library and checkout books. its all jeffersonian with pillars and red carpet.

Morning everyone. Not much going on today, the weather sucks. Finished working earlier this morning and did a billion loads of laundry. That's about it.

the weather sucks here too.
its been raining 2-3 weeks straight here. rain in our forecast everyday still.

I wish I wasn't on so many meds. Looking at my list makes me feel bad about myself. Maybe I should remove it from my signature.

Worse! Bugs