Roll call 55

Don't jump off the bridge! Think of good things. Maybe you should go in the hospital just for a few days?

morning.
got good sleep but keep binging on food at night cuz of my ambien. it makes my stomach hurt in the morning and makes me nauseaous.
plus it makes me gain weight.
my dads off today and tomorrow.
got therapy tomorrow and support group.
support group isnt fun anymore.

I can understand that. Now that he is gone are you going to unpack?

Well, I'd like to move. This place isn't ideal for all my physical problems. But there isn't space to unpack. The cartons are all covered with clutter, there's clutter on the floors, in the closets, there are no kitchen drawers, etc. So it has to be cleared out first before anything can be done, or I have to move. Not sure what to do because I don't have money to hire help (or move).

Did a little grocery shopping today, also picked up a nice pair of shot glasses for my birthday next week

Killing time before my CT scan. All I want to do is sit on the porch with a hot cup of coffee and a cigarette. Can't have the coffee but the cigarettes are here.

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welp the schedule is not out yet. ive called 3 times. i mean COMe ON they have all week to do it.

just breathe...

whens your bday?!?!?

Next Thursday, June 4th I turn 21

That's fantastic, I hope it's spectacular.

That is so annoying. Hope you get it soon

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awesome!

Coffeeeeeer!!!

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What's everyone up to today? Seems quiet in here.

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Trying to get motivated to do my history work, will have to force myself through it

Speaking of coffee I got some different teas today while shopping. 2 packs by Twinnings, one peppermint flavored and one Irish Brekfast (black)

I wonder if you all remember me or if anyone's missed me...I have not been on because I had many things happen.My uncle who was very close to me passed away at the age of 49 due to his heart failure and other complications. This drove me under for a wile just now finally coming out of the depression from it. Been hallucinating more than usual I'm on stronger meds now so they make me feel and act stupid it's pretty embarrassing some days I don't want to take them but I know I have to. Still working work is ok but sometimes I don't know people are talking to me because I am so used to hearing voices I tend to drown background noises out and I have gotten in trouble a few times for not hearing what they said to me, customers or fellow employees and It makes me want to cry sometimes when it happens because it's not my fault and it makes other people mad at me..... just wanted to check in to let you all know I am still alive.

I remember and missed you-----I always like to think people are on to better things when they are gone though. I'm sorry that things have gotten worse for you---hugs---

Thank you for caring.Things were going better for me though but losing a family member who you were close to all your life is pretty hard... He was more than a uncle he was like a second father to me the way he treated me and my cousins. It kind of messed me up because it happened so fast! We were all in the hospital there for him the doctors had some hope then out of nowhere he started bleeding eternally and going through massive organ failure the heart pump started to malfunction and was pumping dead blood cells in with the healthy it was a huge terrible mess and the only thing keeping him alive were machines they had to let the machines go and let him go because he was no longer responding. It's still hard to talk about it... I think the fear the sadness and the worry are what sent me back over the edge I couldn't handle all that stress I had a breakdown I kicked a wall so hard it tore a hole in my shoe I was on the floor screaming with my cousins who were also on the floor crying it was all so emotional... I'm just now recovering I can only hope I'll fully recover again soon. Just have to build myself up again.

Hi, I'm sorry for your loss. That's so sad. I wondered how you were, too.

i remember you lillybird of course!
sorry about your loss.
i hope things come around for you truly

Sorry for your loss lilybird

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Sorry for your loss lilybird.

I'm sorry Lilybird, I recently worried that I would lose my dad when he had to have surgery for cancer. I reacted similarly with punching and kicking things. I'm so sorry that you lost your uncle.

Crisis team rang. Spoke to bf to check I'm safe. They told him to ring the police if I leave in the middle of the night :S they're ringing tomorrow morning to see how I am cos I've not been sleeping well. Think they might visit.

i got my schedule.... i only work 4 hours on sunday. bc the manager when he first made the schedule forgot me on it so the head bookeeper had to like fit me in at least one day. i feel mixed about it... less money...but more time off. at least it works out to see T on friday. before he leaves. my friend came over and we did some stuff. i got a hanging flower basket for my deck. its a wishbone flower. its purple. i need some chain to hang it lower so i can reach it to water it. its hot outside,sunny n hot and humid. im inside with my ac blasting, lol