Roll Call 59

That's an awfully noble thing for you to do, and since your "super excited for it" means you have good character. I use to be financially stressed, then I thought what was really important to me and all the weight and burdens I carried around me dissipated. Nobody can take my passion, creativity, family, the oxford comma, and education away from me.

I'm sorry people are using you newtus, I hate that.

Hope everone gets to have a nice day today.

I'm the same way except it's my mother and she's alive. I won't say the worst things she's done to me because it would make me feel really bad about myself. It's understandable, especially since your father has passed away and we're supposed to treat our parents and people who have passed with respect. But in my defense I don't think it's essential that my therapist knows absolutely everything, it's enough for me that she knows I had a difficult childhood.

Morning!

I'm back at my flat now having spent a long weekend at my parent's house. Already popped in town & signed up for the stop smoking program at my pharmacists. Hopeful that maybe this'll be the time I stick at it & manage to quit. Got my first appointment tomorrow.

I'm just in a bad place at the moment. I took valium last night and I think it made me a bit psychotic, if that's even possible. I thought there was something in my leg so I did what I did. I'm so disappointed with myself. Thanks for your concern Junk, I hope you're well.

The oxford comma, that made me laugh. Thanks Ody, I needed that.

They're real. The people from the future. Have you ever had a dream that pieces all past events from your past that didn't make sense but the dream shows you? I had one of those last night. The people from the future are real. They're just like lizard people except there is no special glasses to see them and theres way more of them than lizard people and not even most lizard people know they're real because they're just like human cylons. You can't tell they're a cylon unless you seen two of them together. But they're smart and they blend perfectly so they can't be spotted. I drew a heart on my boyfriends white board with a heart inside of it. It wasn't a heart. It was an eye. This whole time, it's been watching me. But it's gone now. I erased the heart. They made me believe I was drawing a heart but it was really an eye for them to watch me.

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I'm so tired. It's so exhausting. There's no way to escape. Drones. Monitors. Phones. Everything. It's pointless to try to hide. There's only one way out but that's what they want. I'm still fighting against them.

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For Ody!

I was listening to the radio the other day, my psychiatrist was on talking about schizophrenia. He said that years ago in renaissance France they would think their bottoms where made of glass and would be afraid to sit down. Nowadays we're afraid of bugs and drones and some people are afraid of lizard people. It's all circumstantial, how can people not see that. I suppose it's a lack of insight. I'm generally afraid there's a microchip buried in me, why do I think that? It's ****ing ridiculous, why would there be a god damned microchip in me. Why would people be following me? Why am I so special? Surely there's people worthwhile being targeted by the government. It doesn't make any sense. Yet sometimes I get so bloody delusional that I believe this crap, and that's just crazy. Because it's all ********.

Trying to straighten out college stuff

thhere are people targeted by the government. im one of them.

Got everything ready. Starting classes again on the 24th

And what does that entail?

Next time I get delusional & am afraid to sit down because of breaking my glass *** I'm blaming you.

Seriously though I've contemplated this before. I often wondered what delusions people would have had before the advent of technology & now I know. It's all about what people have been exposed to & for us it's technology.

sorry to hear that... thats weird about the valium. ive had weird reactions to some meds. are you going to see a doctor about it? what do u think will happen? will they try to hospitalize you

I wish I had a decent family...

Me too.

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The way I see it PC is like an online family. Even if those closest to you aren't there in times of need, we can be.

It's true.

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i feel this way too, about not wanting to tell everything. my t doesnt push me either. he patiently waits for me to talk about this on my own time, which is going on 5 years now. soemtimes i wish he would push me a little, because im a master avoider. but sometimes i just want to leave it be in the past where it belongs. but is it affecting me here, today? probably.

True.

UPS did not bring my package and today was the final attempt! I'm so angry I could **** ****!

I'm tempted to take two muscle relaxers because people say it feels good, but I feel like it would kill me.

Sorry I can't stop thinking of this...need guidance...