Roll Call 60

I am so sorry that you keep having to deal with that. It feels terrible. It is possible, though, that she thinks she's helping you. She might be really unable to (as in too insensitive) to understand how her 'help' comes off as criticism. I think I've been guilty of that with my kids at times, and my youngest daughter seems to have taken it 'in' like that.

I think you should 'call' her on it. Next time she says something like that, look her straight in the eyeballs, and with a smile, say: "I am sorry I am such a disappointment to you!" Maybe it'll hit her with a brick in the head - startle her to realize how she comes off.

By the way, I saw your latest video, and I always think the same thing. You are so beautiful, and I particularly noticed how white your teeth are! Isn't that ironic?

It's a quiet night here..... What's everyone doing?

Studying Italian

I'm playing Solitaire. Doctor Who is on but I don't get into it much.

what a ****** day

I'm dreading Monday. It means I can't live in my fake world where I'm fine.

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i took a bunch of seroquel cuz i want to pass out and i want the voices to go away. i am so dumb i messed up packing my meds again and i am an idiot. its all my fault because i am dumb and dont pay attention. i feel like a piece of **** and i am tired. the voices are upset because i took pills but **** them i hate them and i want them to go away forever and leave me alone and never come back. i cant believe i did this AGaiN. i need to be more careful. they made me feel really sick earlier like i was going to vomit. i hope i fall asleep soon

I hope you feel better soon, junk.

So... About my back... I can't feel my left foot and just last night I wet myself. They said for me to go to the hospital if I start using the bathroom on myself. I'm going tomorrow. I finally have health insurance so they might actually want to help me.

I'm so scared to go into withdrawals. It's like feeling like you have the flu times a million and it can literally last years. The rehab place I talked to today told me they couldn't take me because I wasn't abusing them and that they were only able to treat substance abuse. What does it matter? I need help getting off of them before I go into withdrawals. I'm so scared. I don't want to have another seizure.

*possible trigger*
I'm kind of suicidal at this point because I feel like I'm being punished for other people. The voices keep telling me their plan is falling into place perfectly and they're happy. This is what they wanted.

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When the withdrawals get bad, go to an emergency room. I've heard benzo withdrawals are really bad.. so I can't imagine that they could discharge you until you are ok. If you are in the Houston area, I think Methodist Hospital in the Texas Medical Center has a unit for that stuff.

Go to the ER and tell them you're suicidal when you start to go into withdrawal. That is what I did to get admitted. They only held me a week but it was better than nothing. I was at the point where I hadn't slept for 10 days and I couldn't do anything at all. Since you're young, chances might be better for you that you won't be affected for years.

I've been on them for 4 or 5 years now. That's way more time than the recommendation of no more than 3 months. I don't want to have to go into withdrawals to get a doctor to do something. It isn't fair.

Each day I want to sue my doctor more and more but each day, I feel like it's my fault for not researching what I was taking to begin with and the more doubt I have that anything would even happen.

I don't want to do this. Why must they take away the one thing that keeps me calm?

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That's how I felt too. I still feel that way. Im really sorry you're going through this.

I'm sorry you felt like this to. No one should feel like this.

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You'll get through this. I know how hard it is, but you'll be OK.

I'm attempting to lose weight.... yet again. I had two scrambled eggs for breakfast. Will have chili for lunch and I'm not sure about dinner yet. I may make a pitcher of iced tea (with no sugar) since tea is supposed to help you lose weight and I don't feel like drinking hot cups of it right now because it's so hot out

Morning!

Good luck with your diet Blue_Bird.... it sounds like you have it all planned out which is good. Ice tea sure sounds nice though, I love peach ice tea!

I'm just over at my parents house for Sunday dinner as usual. I'm going to stay a couple of extra days though to try & get onto the nicotine patch & stop smoking. Helps to be in a different environment...

Hope everyone has a good day today!

Peach tea is really good!

Good luck with quitting smoking




Man, I am so impatient. I just got some money the other day and I am itching to spend it on crap I don't need but I have to save it so by two weeks from now I'll have enough for my new tattoo

Is the doctor who prescribed them the same one that is taking them away?

morning!
had my two cups of coffee!

i got a 79 in music appreciation but my teacher put my grade in as a B for my GPA! so i got a B for my summer class!!!!

It's a good day because Naked and Afraid is on tonight. I've gotten so into that show!

I used to watch that every week, it is a really good show

The new series with 12 survivalists for 40 days really breathed new life into the series. I'm addicted to it!!!!

She's closing her practice and moving to another state. She didn't refer me to another doctor or anything. 2 months ago, she told me and hasn't responded to 95% of my emails asking what to don. The only reply I've gotten back was when I asked why my zofran (so I can eat) wasn't getting refilled and her office assistant told me I needed to find a new doctor because pinky won't be able to refill them. I quoted her with time stamps of when she said she could treat me for 90 more days but technically, I should get two months refill exactly with her 90 day. But it hasn't even been 60 and she's just leaving me scrambling. All the doctors I've been to flat out refuse and tell me to go to the ER once I go into withdrawals. I don't ****ing want to go into withdrawals.

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