Roll Call 62

when i was a teen i used to be paranoid about people coming in my house but i actually had a peeping tom at my house once. well more than once but it was 1 person (i think). so that got me scared that i had people looking through my windows cuz i used to have that. now im scared someones gonna hurt me out here in the country.

idk what it is. i guess paranoia. but i swear theres someone living in my house that i dont know about. im sick of the jehovahs witnesses that come to my door all the time. im sorry but i am. why cant they leave us alone? plus other people come by.

im getting a headache right now from stressing out and having anxiety from paranoia right now. honestly. its making me sick.

I did that when I was hearing voices. I would also be looking again because I felt like i didn't check. Recently, it felt like someone was making noise because I'm usually home alone. I paused, made no noise and stood frozen until I made more noise and stopped, feeling like he knows what I'm thinking where he would attack and make noise at the same time as me. The injection was overdue idk if that has anything to do with it.

Usually I don't even lock the door and get high or drunk listening to music full volume, writing, drinking and talking to friends on cam daring to chug a bottle of jack or something like cutting my arm and putting the blood on my face like a warrior.

Good people I was talking to. I remember I took too much DXM and cut my hair on camera and it wasn't even so I shaved my head and wore turban like rags for a few months. I don't remember much. Some kept the cam on to make sure I was ok while I was concentrating on not dying.

It's a lot more messed up I can't believe what I did but it was awesome.

now im all worried i have a tumor in my throat. ive been pulling a muscle in my throat or something when i turn my head. what could it be? i smoke ecigs. used to smoke cigs.

im just so paranoid tonight.

I did that yesterday thinking I had mouth cancer because my mouth was a dry because of the stimulant abuse and I kept thinking it was cancer and then kept checking my mouth. It's good now and went down.

Try and not think about it for a few days. If it's still there, then you should make a doctors appointment.

problem is ive been to the doctor and called them so much. i dont want them to think im a hypochondriac. even though i am.

I can take record doses of speed
and the paranoia is gone.
The only break I'll get with weed
is a psychotic one.

- Tweaky

I just downloaded this it's totally different than lumosity, seems much more related to skills you'd actually use like vocabulary.

oh? whats the difference between lumosity and elevate?

Lumosity is more game like, like racing penguins or fish that circle around, stuff like that not really reading skills etc. It still has a basis in certain skill sets but I've gotten kind of bored with the games tbh....

i think i like elevate more

i love asparagus. i like it baked or sauteed in a frying pan

i have had massive paranoia about people breaking into my apartments. it really sucks. lately it has not been that bad though

worked 5 to 10. gotta get up early for group tomorrow. grouppppppppppppppppppppp. whyyyyyyy

My voices got a lot more persistent after a couple of weeks. I think they might be easing up a tiny bit now, either that or I've just stopped thinking about them so much. Probably the latter.

I've had the occasional irrational fear i.e. there is someone in my flat, or feeling scared at night smoking outside because I think someone is going to harm me but I wouldn't quite go as far to call it true paranoia. I don't have that feeling of certainty that comes with that, more just anxiety.

I was worrying about relapse quite a bit but that seems to be easing off now since I'm not getting any worse. I think it's just a case of adjusting to hearing more voices & being alert all the time, which I seem to be doing.

I'd say it's been putting me off looking for jobs at the moment having all this going on but hopefully I'll get the motivation to look soon.

Good morning!

Watching The Munsters on Netflix, haven't seen them in a long time

Morning!

The Munsters looks vaguely familiar but I'm not sure if I have seen it before...

The Munsters was a fun show! Good Morning!

morning guys. im pretty tired... drinking coffee.

Play real games with people. Board games, connect four, monopoly, LIFE, Battleship. Also, if you want your children to become precocious at a very young age-- Games, Games, Games! Ever play apples to apples? They have an adult version too.

Anyone ever play the card game Skip-Bo? It's a lot of fun

True but that requires me to have people around and I usually do these as a quick pick me up at work, you know five minutes. I can just see my labmates gathered around a board game

morning

gonna have some coffee. real tired this morning. Kahlua flavored coffee. not actual Kahlua in it. cuz its an alcoholic drink.

im home alone again. idk how i will handle this. yesterday was hell.

Good morning everyone!

I've had a relaxing morning. Thank goodness for that, my afternoon is going to be rather busy.

im having a hard time deciding if i should drive an hour to my moms to spend the night at her house. the driving is whats making me not go. otherwise id go. its such a far drive.