Roll Call 62

I need a t but I'm terrified of being abandoned, so I can't let myself trust any T's close enough to help.

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Yeah , he does have a right to know , but not after 1.5 months. I think you said that yourself ..

I think 1 and half months is long enough to get to know someone personally. As I said it's all subjective though we are all entitled to our own opinions. I would probably open up about my mental health problems after a month but that's just me!

I think the benefits of having a T outweigh any fears of abandonment. It's not likely that you'll find yourself in a similar situation again. I know it's scary but it's something that is necessary for you...

On the question of when to tell someone Im also wondering how much to tell them. Do you tell them your diagnosis if you have one? What about symptoms? for me there's a massive difference between my milder symptoms and some of the worst ones, particularly my delusions. it would be very easy for me to tell them my diagnosis and a version of my symptoms that is honest but a far cry from being fully disclosed.

I keep looking but I'm running out of female T's in my city that take both of my insurances to be able to afford it.



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i wont lie. coming over here put me in better spirits but idk how im gonna feel going back home. i woke up at 3am here and felt depressed. but part of it was cause of her in the first place. from the beginning.

i still feel depressed. part of me wants to end my life. part of me doesnt. for my dad.

im in a tough spot right now in my life. everything feels like its crumbling down on me with the loneliness. but its such a relief to not be home alone for one small time like this.

im so incredibly lonely
i just want everyone to know i love them here

I think it's a tricky one... I think I'd be more likely to open with the fact I hear voices because it's my major symptom & it is something tangible. That's then likely to lead them to the question of what is wrong with you at which point you can give the dx you have. That seems like a fairly natural way to cover things.

I would certainly try to avoid speaking too much about delusions and/or paranoia because that is likely to weird a person out or even scare them if they are not very well clued up about psychosis. It's not something that is easy to relate to & probably the aspect which most would consider most "crazy".

That's not to say you can't talk about that but I would leave that up to them to bring up at first. If they know & are comfortable with your dx then it is perhaps something you could bring up later.

I would also try to keep it quite succinct at first, it's a lot to take in just at face value. You don't want to overwhelm them by going into detail about what it entails for you until they are comfortable with it, which won't be when first bringing it up.

I certainly know my friend at first found it quite hard to stomach when I told him I had schizophrenia (which was the thinking at the moment in time) ... he did ask about what symptoms I had but I kept it quite to the point. He didn't have very much to say as I think it was a big shock to him as it would be to most people. However after a few days he was quite keen on asking about & discussing the illness.

All in all, just play it by ear but I wouldn't reveal too much when first bringing it up. Just stick to the highlights.

I just say what ever. I live my life with no strategy to go by.

That made no sense and is a lie.

I'm just so tired.

The caffeine bottle says take one 200mg every 3-4 hours with max 1g a day. Damn...

Good morning!

Waiting on UPS

Good morning ^^

I'll try to get through a few days without Concerta. I haven't eaten much in 4 days and didn't notice. Now I'm skinny everyone says again because it's constant ups and downs with my sleeping. I was hypomanic now I hate everything I want to go back I hate this. I knew that I would abuse it eventually because of the crash I get from just two in the morning and I need one in the afternoon as well to stop that. It's not a big deal. "But it's still a stimulant". Uhhh it's an ADHD approved stimulant that they give to children as young as 6 years old. I can take over 600mg and be chill. I have completely unknown brain chemistry because people can't even take 150mg.

People need to be open minded. My inpatient psychiatrist was the best and did his job extremely well and they worked as a team giving me 90mg a day but I chose Vyvanse and my current psychiatrist says it's like crack cocaine which is good because I don't have the Adderall euphoria gene that apparently increases the chance of developing schizophrenia, ADHD and bipolar.

Now I have to prove everything. So much research on the things this shouldn't happen right now. What the hell...

I really want to take as prescribed but at the moment I'm completely numb. No more buzz. Can't even drink. No more cigarettes but why omg like I better not get ah you know what.. Maybe I'll give it back to my mom. I guess I'm not able to use it properly but then I would buy more coke.

No one understands my opinions and the truth because it's ridiculous. I'm about to just abandon the Concerta until I'm out of this state from experience..

I was annoyed because caffeine gives me no focus.

I have different brain chemistry but they won't listen and thinks that one extra will make me psychotic. Aaahhhh

Now I'm off to school and I'm late.. Like usual when sick but I'm not just anhedonic induced from taking too much and the damn English course from being hospitalized I feel like it's all my fault but I know it's not don't worry.

Meh... IR has kicked in. I feel fine now within a few minutes.

Mostly I do this to focus in the evening.

They are in power so I'll just drift through life once again

I don't like to communicate anymore like my dad. He came to visit though! But atm I need to focus ok bye

Bbl

I have been symptomatic since that feeling of content died.

Sgrughdhdhbdvvdd dhdgdvd d

I was just outside smoking a cigarette & a random guy passing stopped to talk to me. It was really awkward. I listened to what he said but when it came to say anything back my mind was blank so I just mumbled simplistic responses.

I used to be a reasonably good conversationalist but now I really struggle to know what to say to people. It's literally like my mind just draws a blank. I wish my brain would just start functioning properly again.

Me too. For me, it's a combination of things. Like you said, struggling to know what to say. But also, I isolate so much, and have lost touch with pop culture and stuff, I can't carry on simple conversations about things like that anymore. Instead of it bothering me and encouraging me to watch more news and Netflix, it just makes me avoid people more.

I can't relate to anyone at all right now. The world seems distant and strange.

Edit - that's not true, I can understand things, but I'm just so lost.

You are right, there are a number of factors. I'm sure isolation plays a role too... to some extent we are just not used to socialising so find it difficult. I think this also leads to an element of social anxiety as well which just makes matters worse.

Dyeing my hair later, medium auburn, may post a pic

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/850701

Look a new AP that also works for negative symptoms----still in the pipeline but something I'd like to see developed

back at home.
feeling the loneliness already and anxiety setting in. panic is erupting. i felt catatonic in the car. my mind was racing but my body would not move and i couldnt talk.

i cant figure out if i should cancel my therapy tomorrow or not.

Why would you cancel it? You don't sound like you're doing good lately, you said you were having thoughts of ending your life. That's serious and definitely not the time to cancel

because im having trouble driving because of anxiety and i have no one else to take me.

Could your therapist see you at your house?

That link just takes me to a login page... do you have another website link for it or you could just tell me what the name of the drug is, if it has one yet.

Can you do it by phone or skype just this once----maybe find out?