Home Menu

Menu


Closed Thread
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #501  
Old Oct 07, 2015, 08:15 PM
Anonymous37787
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
I feel manic, not the rage one that I always get but... my focus when reading, my shuffle as I walk, my extreme alertness. However, something weird is happening to my consciousness/brain. It's like my c0nsciousness is flowing like a wave and there are bumps along the road. I just need to eat and take my damn meds. lol
Hugs from:
Anonymous37804, Atypical_Disaster, Door2015
Thanks for this!
Atypical_Disaster

advertisement
  #502  
Old Oct 07, 2015, 09:29 PM
Erti's Avatar
Erti Erti is offline
Princess Tutu
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 7,913
Love ya ChickenFoot! Lmao
  #503  
Old Oct 07, 2015, 09:31 PM
Erti's Avatar
Erti Erti is offline
Princess Tutu
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 7,913
Alcohol at Taco Bell? Yum!
Thanks for this!
Atypical_Disaster, Sometimes psychotic
  #504  
Old Oct 07, 2015, 09:45 PM
cogladaid's Avatar
cogladaid cogladaid is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Jul 2015
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 5,569
I've been so alert the last couple days and my mind is racing and who needs so much sleep??? Hahha. This is turning into a bipolar thread with all this talk.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Thanks for this!
Atypical_Disaster
  #505  
Old Oct 07, 2015, 11:38 PM
Calypso2632's Avatar
Calypso2632 Calypso2632 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Jun 2015
Location: Maine
Posts: 281
My anxiety the last 2 days has been through the roof and mental chatter/noise has been up as well. My brain also thinks its a good idea to completely tear my bedroom apart and donate or give away everything I no longer use... At 930 tonight. Zero energy all day but come night let's rip the house apart.. Ugh. Hoping that momentum is still there tomorrow cause the thought to purge the bedroom sounds like a good one..
__________________
Im not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.
Hugs from:
Atypical_Disaster
  #506  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 05:53 AM
Angelique67's Avatar
Angelique67 Angelique67 is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Oct 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 22,125
Good morning all. I was up at 5:30. Not early enough yet but getting there! Hope everyone is ok.
Thanks for this!
Atypical_Disaster, Blue_Bird, Loial, ofthevalley
  #507  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 06:47 AM
Loial's Avatar
Loial Loial is offline
El Psy Congroo
 
Member Since: Aug 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 5,502
Morning all!

Just back from my walk, was nice day for it... sun was shining which makes a nice change from the last 2 days of rain.

Angelique... I'm a bit confused, you say you were up at 5:30am... how can that be "not early enough"?! I can't imagine any reason for wanting to be up that early... or am I misunderstanding you?
__________________
Roll Call 63...
The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave it birth comes again...

"To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive." Robert Louis Stevenson
Thanks for this!
Angelique67, Atypical_Disaster, ofthevalley
  #508  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 07:04 AM
Angelique67's Avatar
Angelique67 Angelique67 is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Oct 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 22,125
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loial View Post
Morning all!

Just back from my walk, was nice day for it... sun was shining which makes a nice change from the last 2 days of rain.

Angelique... I'm a bit confused, you say you were up at 5:30am... how can that be "not early enough"?! I can't imagine any reason for wanting to be up that early... or am I misunderstanding you?
Ha-ha, I'm trying to work my way back to getting up by 4 am. I have an 11 am pdoc appointment coming up on the 15th and I need to be up many many hours before I go anywhere!
Thanks for this!
Loial
  #509  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 09:16 AM
Anonymous37804
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by 0dysseus View Post
That sounds awesome. We should do a fiancée swap!
Haha we've only just started watching it and we've got something like 8 seasons of this glorious television. Bonding over alcohol and TV, I think he's a keeper!

Quote:
Originally Posted by junkDNA View Post
take it to the bathroom!
I thought about that but I'm not allowed smoke anywhere else in the house, just my room hanging out the window. I'm over it now, but it was a tough 5 minutes I'll tell you that

Quote:
Originally Posted by Erti View Post
Love ya ChickenFoot! Lmao
Do I sense a little sarcasm?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cogladaid View Post
I've been so alert the last couple days and my mind is racing and who needs so much sleep??? Hahha. This is turning into a bipolar thread with all this talk.
This is RollCall and I think the trend is we can talk about anything going on in our lives. So manic away if you please! I don't think the supreme overlords will mind!
Hugs from:
Erti
  #510  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 09:17 AM
Anonymous37804
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelique67 View Post
Ha-ha, I'm trying to work my way back to getting up by 4 am. I have an 11 am pdoc appointment coming up on the 15th and I need to be up many many hours before I go anywhere!
Would you get more daylight doing it that way?
  #511  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 09:20 AM
Angelique67's Avatar
Angelique67 Angelique67 is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Oct 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 22,125
Quote:
Originally Posted by chickenfoot View Post
Would you get more daylight doing it that way?
No, I just need a lot of time before I feel ready to leave.
  #512  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 09:31 AM
Anonymous37804
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelique67 View Post
No, I just need a lot of time before I feel ready to leave.
Fair enough, I've always been a bit like that too. If I rush in the morning I'm likely to pass out.
  #513  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 10:35 AM
newtus's Avatar
newtus newtus is offline
The Dopamine Flux
 
Member Since: Jun 2010
Location: Ardenweald
Posts: 43,644
morning

having cold coffee
__________________
"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com


Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

  #514  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 10:39 AM
Blue_Bird's Avatar
Blue_Bird Blue_Bird is offline
Violinist
 
Member Since: Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 38,905
Just got home from group, I left early because I didn't feel good then when I was waiting for my ride I threw up like 6 times.
__________________
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
Hugs from:
Atypical_Disaster, junkDNA, Loial
  #515  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 10:55 AM
Loial's Avatar
Loial Loial is offline
El Psy Congroo
 
Member Since: Aug 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 5,502
Quote:
Originally Posted by newtus View Post
morning

having cold coffee
Why cold? You could always heat in up in the microwave.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
Just got home from group, I left early because I didn't feel good then when I was waiting for my ride I threw up like 6 times.
I'm sorry to hear you aren't feeling well... I hope you feel better soon.
__________________
Roll Call 63...
The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave it birth comes again...

"To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive." Robert Louis Stevenson
Hugs from:
Blue_Bird
Thanks for this!
Blue_Bird
  #516  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 11:01 AM
Atypical_Disaster's Avatar
Atypical_Disaster Atypical_Disaster is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Nowhere noteworthy.
Posts: 7,145
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hyperagitate View Post
Broke another iPhone charger. Bought a new one but it was the wrong one. Idk what the punishment is for driving a car without a license but I wouldn't go back again.

The cops here in the middle of no where literally hid behind a bush and I had my helmet on driving my quad bike which was on a public road apparently. It's not. I couldn't hear the siren so they thought I was going for a chase. I looked behind me with them speeding up and damn that's a rush lol felt like when I was a kid and got chased a lot for stupid reasons.

I want to go dirt biking but I want to do a lot of things..

I'm sleeping a hell of a lot more on one Concerta so I bought some energy drinks and made strong coffee etc. I also bought another box of cigarettes for some reason -.-

Edit: I'm trying to quit added sugar. It's the most addicting **** I know of.
I'm notorious for breaking chargers for my electronics, with my old phone I broke the charger twice. Yeah.

Sleeping is supposedly good for you. I haven't been sleeping much since mid July, last night I slept three hours and now I'm wide awake again and that's with the sheer amount of sedating medications I'm taking wtf... I mean whatever, I feel fantastic but I know that not sleeping can cause me to have a psychotic break that would be bad... Like kind of how being sad or any other "darker" emotion is frowned upon by society but it's like dude people start being negative about other people's natural "negative" emotions... I digress! Feck it.
  #517  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 11:03 AM
Atypical_Disaster's Avatar
Atypical_Disaster Atypical_Disaster is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Nowhere noteworthy.
Posts: 7,145
Quote:
Originally Posted by 0dysseus View Post
I took an early day off. Word has it that someone told a new guy what I have a degree in. Said guy then asked, "Why get a useless degree?"

First off, out of all the liberal art programs it is the hardest road to travel on because of all the concepts we wrestle with and analytical papers we write. I could get a desk job and stab my eyes out while at said desk with two sharpies, but I get claustrophobic. Anyways, this guy and I ended up in the same field, use common sense, dude. You're not even on point with me at this job!

He is Christian. I went to Lutheran schools so he doesn't have a leg up on me. I'm going to pop quiz him: Who is St Anselm? Who wrote Confessions? Who is Thomas Aquinas and who influenced him and what did he write. I'll even ask him who the first Christian martyr was, because my mother named me after him. My middle name is Christian even! This all pertains to philosophy. Christianity is full of philosophy!

I hope civilization never stops questioning; what we know and how can we know it? how should I live my life and what kind of being am I; and should I govern or be governed? I love a good skeptic. Philosophy is foundational to each stance you take. When we mature we begin to see this arise within us. We are rational creatures. Well... most of us.
I've always found your posts interesting but this one really piqued my fascination... Christianity is full of philosophy, that is a topic I would love to talk about with a like minded person...
  #518  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 11:06 AM
Atypical_Disaster's Avatar
Atypical_Disaster Atypical_Disaster is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Nowhere noteworthy.
Posts: 7,145
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hyperagitate View Post
Seeking for content. That's all I want. Not this sad need for constant exaggerated hedonia. Simple things in life is what I want. Everything that I am. Everything that my mind should be capable of doing. All contained a pill.

You forget about the pain, the fear, the loneliness, the depression, and the destruction.
You remember the pleasure, the fun, the energy, the focus, and the motivation..

Mind constantly having thoughts related to it.

You'll never be able to erase these memories from your mind.
You're better off blissfully ignorant of this curse....

Not Even Once.
There are some things that people will always want to obliterate as though those things never existed... But without pain, how do you experience true pleasure? Without exhaustion, how do you enjoy having energy?

interesting post. The mind having thoughts constantly related to it, just yes that definitely.
  #519  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 11:10 AM
Atypical_Disaster's Avatar
Atypical_Disaster Atypical_Disaster is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Nowhere noteworthy.
Posts: 7,145
Quote:
Originally Posted by 0dysseus View Post
I never get that euphoric feeling anymore due to my bipolarII. I use to bask in it. Now, when I put my arm outside my car... I feel a chill , which reminds me that state of bliss. Then I am reminded that this is just the wind giving me goosebumps. sigh.. The sacrifices we pay for our insanity can cause it.
Euphoria, that's something I never lost the capacity to feel for some reason. That state of bliss, I love how you wrote about how you're reminded of it, almost poetic in a way. Makes you think, those little things that most don't bother to notice... They seem more important to me. I don't know where exactly I was trying to go with that, but I notice the little things... And I feel more of that euphoria because the little things add up into a big picture, full of vibrant color, bathing in a world of sensation and beauty... and then people say I'm manic or whatever they're saying about me today.
  #520  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 11:14 AM
Anonymous37804
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Hey Atypical, did you watch Scream Queens after?
  #521  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 11:15 AM
Atypical_Disaster's Avatar
Atypical_Disaster Atypical_Disaster is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Nowhere noteworthy.
Posts: 7,145
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hyperagitate View Post
I know what you mean. I was constantly extremely full manic high and drunk or manic in a weird disorganized word salad kind of way out of control for months and wow. I controlled a whole group of people and they made me a moderator "Tweaky" and thousands of people liked to watch me eat my fkng breakfast on cam lol and with so many complements, they drooled on me and idek how to explain.

I would be convinced that they are a spy or something and argue for hours. I would be convinced that I was a psychological genius but people there were not in the right mind just mostly about meeting up with others. 100% primitive brain in thinking. Then there were normal people and I made good friends and the reason I went on cam was to help with my paranoia and build tolerance. Didn't work. That place is completely messed up and I became quite traumatized at the amount of pedophiles there were. I was good friends with one so I thought he was joking about the thinking idek stuff like molesting a 90 year old like he would with a 4 year old. It was so messed up. He was targeting young girls. He told me everything but I was talking to myself and him at the same time and didn't remember until I looked over it when I wasn't out of it.

I helped people because no one else would and it's sad. People kicked me while I was down on a crash but I owned them when high. A girl would be suicidal with her bf and had a knife, I called the guy and her parents took the knife away on cam. Pretty weird that I help people idk why. A year before that I was helping with depression. I've heard it all from having cancer to a girl that wanted to kill herself because her parents took away her phone.

People just don't help and ignore. It's rare. I feel a compulsion to do it. One girl said I was hitting on her so her "bf" and I could argue for her entertainment. I lost it completely because I was helping her with suicide!! I persisted and she eventually told the truth.

I know how most people are and I'm trying to figure out so much **** and it's like well it's random and so is life. I can do anything to change the future just by moving my hand or something.

The things that I said were completely insane and people got jealous and trolled me for being the worst person moderator smoking a joint on cam. It was a cigarette and I chain smoked and drank heavily and the chat was full of a lot of people viewing my cam named as "IWantYoungBoy" and x to those and block.. IP ban. I just found the place cuz I was so sick and couldn't sleep.

Idk why I'm always liked but it's either hate me too much to ignore what good they should expect or like me too much to expect what they would have ignored without knowing who I was. self medicating until everything crashed down on me for not taking my meds or something. Dropped my laptop and declared that I won't go through another 2 or so weeks without Concerta and knew it would be prescribed again which happened again just recently...

My mood is primarily environmentally based and I get a good buzz when people around me are happy unless I'm suicidal or something then that makes it worse because everyone is drinking and I can't drink with meds etc and blame myself for the illness and irrational self reflected stupidity that I should have done something about it but I can't dwell on the past. I was shocked as to what happened in my life.

I was told by my teacher that I was constantly hearing voices and most was about Ireland idk why. Then I was in the hospital don't remember and remember be ambulance to the mental hospital and they said I was in psychosis and I got annoyed because I thought that I was completely fine BECAUSE I WAS (In my mind ah nvm). Before I thought that and like.. People that support me will say that I'm sick no matter what if I'm not causing destruction.

I hope you get that spark back. But you have some motivation. I believe that a person can try that hard and get passed schizophrenia or maybe it's mood related help like with bipolar idk.

I taught myself that the low can always be increased with a drug that helps with paranoia especially, let alone not causing it. At least it's something to keep me going for now.

But that's not possible. The feeling hijacks my mind and insight is lost by thinking if be that way forever. I KNOW with practice that it gets better and you get experience and then you don't even have to think about it, knowing you will be better and fight for your life against these damn dangerous medications and the government control. It's why I smoked weed which was to build tolerance to psychotic episodes but I lost my mind completely so no more of that.. I'm afraid of withdrawing from Prozac because I could die from sudden death. I am that 0.00000000000001% or something so they don't believe me. I went off it survived had anxiety through the ceiling to space. Now I have hundreds and can tamper off. Getting back on it made me manic faak

It can get better trust me. Seeking knowledge about the world and being able to stop and use it at the same time while knowing that you're going to die some day is what I want as it's like the opposite of an addictive personality kind of.

Soz I seriously thought that I would not write this much. Just a few lines.
This post was oddly synchronistic for me to read...

My mood seems to have just about nothing to do with my environment though... It just does what it wants, my treatment team is probably still debating whether or not I've got either schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder bipolar type... ****ers... Ask me, I live in my head. Ask me instead damn it.
  #522  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 11:19 AM
Atypical_Disaster's Avatar
Atypical_Disaster Atypical_Disaster is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Nowhere noteworthy.
Posts: 7,145
Quote:
Originally Posted by 0dysseus View Post
I feel manic, not the rage one that I always get but... my focus when reading, my shuffle as I walk, my extreme alertness. However, something weird is happening to my consciousness/brain. It's like my c0nsciousness is flowing like a wave and there are bumps along the road. I just need to eat and take my damn meds. lol
This sounds so much like me... Like change the exact psychoticka details and there you go.

My focus is so sharp yet it's so much focus that everything wants to be the center of my focus so I keep getting off track with whatever I'm doing. I'm having to retype posts a few times before posting because of it.

I'm restless as hell, like I can't sit still and I keep moving around just pointless moving around, no purpose I just have that restlessness for no particular reason and nope it isn't akathisia that is a totally different thing and I got on a new AP that doesn't give me akathisia.

The alertness thing, totally... Like hyper aware of my surroundings, every sound, sight, smell, etc all demanding my attention that keeps just jumping everywhere out of that demon dot that seeks to control me and collapse me into that pointless point into nowhere...
Thanks for this!
Door2015
  #523  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 11:21 AM
Atypical_Disaster's Avatar
Atypical_Disaster Atypical_Disaster is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Nowhere noteworthy.
Posts: 7,145
Quote:
Originally Posted by cogladaid View Post
I've been so alert the last couple days and my mind is racing and who needs so much sleep??? Hahha. This is turning into a bipolar thread with all this talk.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
You've got that right! Sleep is for the unenlightened unless you're sedated on meds then that's not your fault lol. But no like seriously I'm barely sleeping three hours a night as of late and I've been having lots of stuff going on...
Thanks for this!
cogladaid
  #524  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 11:22 AM
Atypical_Disaster's Avatar
Atypical_Disaster Atypical_Disaster is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Nowhere noteworthy.
Posts: 7,145
Quote:
Originally Posted by chickenfoot View Post
Hey Atypical, did you watch Scream Queens after?
I haven't gotten to yet, my life has been nucking futs like more than usual...
  #525  
Old Oct 08, 2015, 11:24 AM
Anonymous37804
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster View Post
I haven't gotten to yet, my life has been nucking futs like more than usual...
Hopefully it's nucking futs (I'm going to use that from now on ) in a good way. Let me know if you watch it, I'm curious to see if anyone else finds it as funny as I do!
Thanks for this!
Atypical_Disaster
Closed Thread
Views: 46469

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:45 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.