Roll Call 63...

it is a lot and sometimes i feel like quitting the group because it ramps up anxiety. my T has been a great guide for my recovery, im sure he helps many others. i consider my trauma to be the underlying cause to all my mental health issues. i have had multiple traumas in my life and each one shaped me differently... i dont talk about my trauma in day to day life... some people in my life know about it but we dont discuss it.

I have an extensive trauma history as well, it's something I've been dealing with for awhile. My PTSD used to be a huge problem but now it's mostly in remission besides occasional nightmares and some irritability.

Interesting that you consider trauma to be the root cause of your mental health issues, I've heard a few people say that and I think there's truth to it for those people. You know yourself best after all. For me I don't consider trauma to be the root cause of my mental illnesses, but I do consider it to have worsened some of my issues... like I think my psychosis had an earlier onset than what's typical likely due to trauma.

my psychosis became apparent when i was 16 and i was being held against my will in an abusive teen treatment program located in rural Tennessee. i think what was going on there just brought the voices to the surface. i had strange beliefs all my life but that was when the hallucinations first started. i also think all of the years i spent doing drugs exacerbated my psychotic symptoms. of course its hard to tell what comes from what and i wonder how i would be if i had not experienced any trauma... its hard to tell, you know?

i have some pstd tendencies. from abuse from my mom and divorce. plus one incident seeing someone get stabbed in the city and being arms length away from them.

and lets not forget mental hospitals and being strapped to beds and locked in rooms. plus held down for shots.

So I got a Halloween burger from Burger King. It has the black bun. I'm going to see if it turns my poop blue. I'll be sure to update when it does.

I heard it's more like green but blue would be more fun.....

*eagerly awaits update* I'm genuinely curious! haha

I've been hearing different kinds of colors. Even purple.

Lmao!

I found an article on it, it seems the reports of #greenpoop are correct.

Why the black Whopper turns your poop green

This is the most informative (and amusing) part of that article, I bolded the best bit:

I have huge PTSD too.

My friends nephew got blue once by eating gogurts, these yogurt tubes that are dyed for kids---I don't know how many he had to eat though.

There is so much sugar in yogurt.

Yep you may as well have a candy bar instead----

im home...
i feel sad

i keep thinking changing my environments will improve my mood or energy ...but it doesnt

I wish I could get away from here. Go to a motel or something for awhile. But that would be expensive.

i keep wanting to run away. but i go different places. like to my moms house or to the store and i still feel unhappy.

I've tried to outrun my mental illness but it follows me everywhere I go.

I moved like 4 times trying to get away from the stalker that didn't exist. I spent thousands of dollars and wrecked my back. It's horrible. Now I just feel stuck, in a completely unsuitable place. But at least the stalker is gone.

It's thundering finally. Bring it on! It was dark all day.

Lol a week ago it was snowing a bit XD

Welp, my poop came out a dark green. Not sure if it's cause of the Halloween whopper or my diet.

Heloooooo internet familia!!!

What's the craic with everyone? I'm not up to much just listening to choooooons on spotify, mental ones, the ones that uplift your soul into divine spooky shite. I fecking love Avicii even though his new album is crap, but there's about 5 good songs on it and that's enough for me. Even when we went to see him in Dublin that time with my sister he only played for like 45 minutes and then that was it, no encore or anything. Any gig I've ever been to have all been metal gigs and the bands play for something like 2 and a half hours or more in some cases. That'd be the Metallicanellyawesomeness I've seen Metallica 18 times live, I'm such a nerd but it was super amazeballs. I went to Russia, Latvia, Lithuania... all over europe. I miss those days, my fiancee is not much of a traveller but if I was here on my own I'd hop on the first flight to London and go on the lash, I love London. London is an amazing city, Camden is my favourite spot there, you can do buy absolutely any bit of the coolest tack you could imagine all in one place. Just going to get netflix set up and watch some episodes of House, I'm really getting into it and there like 8 seasons with about 20 episodes in each season, which is totally awesome because I had nothing to watch and the walking dead is back soon. CORAL CORALLLLL WHERE"S CORAL!!!!! Right, God I can type fast, must be the old days in college typing up 10,000 word documents on stupid things like RAID and Polymorphism. I think College made me hate computing. Though I'm getting back into it now. Slowly but surely. I'm so feckin' smart, I really am quite handy on a computer and have impeccable English I can do anything and everything, so I will get my courses out of the way I'll fly through them and then get a good job and work my way to the top. There is so much opportunity in the world today it's a beautiful thing. I love this country that I'm in and I'm going to be as resourceful as I usually am to make my life feckin ace here. BOOM!!!!

Bahahahaha that is amazing! I'd ask for pictures... but that would be weird!