Roll Call 64

oh no i am NOT going back to that prison that houses me with meth addicts and people peeing on themselves on purpose and makes me sleep on a cot for 3 days next to a row of 30 cots with people in it.

i cant even afford the bills. 1000 dollars here. 200-300 hundred dollars there. medicare doesnt pay like they say they do. they pay a portion and im stuck with thousands of dollars of bills.

i just will try not to put myself in danger unless im ready to die. there are no kush hospitals around here. they literally are private and designed like prisons and owned by them. not owned by hospitals.

my parents dont think i need to be in one anyway. i dont either. of course i think im hospital material but i dont think i really NEED to be in one.

im psychotic and depressed. is that what everyone wants to hear from me?! i admit im not well but IM NOT going back to those hell holes. even my sister who cares for me is a hospital worker and tells me people use the system. i know what hospital workers think of us.

im sorry but i am just so want to avert my mind and body away from those places.

psychcentral is my kush hospital.

Yes, please don't mix alcohol in with the benzos. It really does a number on your brain. In 2007 I started drinking on Klonopin and it was horrible after awhile. I think I killed a lot of brain cells. Plus it makes the benzo physical addiction much worse.

Drinking too much coffee could make the anxiety a lot worse too. Please be careful.

I thought there was one hospital that you liked, that they gave you the positive attention you needed when you were feeling this way? All I know is mixing alcohol and benzos is like russian roulette....

Who cares what hospital workers think of you? People can think anything they want about me, good or bad it wouldn't stop me from getting help if I overdosed. Is there a crisis center you can go to around there? They're different than hospitals.

I never paid any of my hospital bills, they were either covered or they went to collections and I don't care about having bad credit from that, getting help is what matters.

You have to face the fact that what you did last night is serious

yea but it doesnt take my insurance. i ended up having to pay. im sure you know how much hospital stays are. thats why i only go when i absolutelt need to.

theres no crisis center around me.

last night wasnt an overdose because it didnt do anything to me. i just slept. i care about having bad credit and i want to pay all my bills. im trying to prepare for my future.

im sorry for what i did last night and i chose not to drink today. im just drinking lots of caffiene instead. im making good choices today. im gonna tell my therapist tomorrow how im feeling.

If you're worried about your future then getting treatment when you're suicidal is important....

I'm glad you're going to tell your T how you're feeling but I wish you would call her today....

ok ill call her right now.

Thank you.....

it went to her voicemail and it said on her voicemail shed get back to me within 2 business days.

That's normal, she may call you back later tonight.....she's probably with a client right now.....

im texting my sister since shes a therapist

she called me back and told her about my pdoc appt and she scheduled me for another pdoc on nov 9. but idk if i have enough meds to last that long. im gonna have to ration them. i have a lot of xanax but not enough ambien.

Do you have like a GP family doctor you can go to and explain you're short meds (bring your bottles or an old script), he/she might be able to give you a script to keep going.

well im relying on my therapist to help me. she said if i was short she would get a nurse to refill it for me but the front office told me i could be denied by doing it that way because its not guaranteed. like the nurse could deny my refill at the MHMR. which is my clinic.

i doubt my MD would do it. hes not even an MD hes a DO. doctor of osteopathy. im currently looking for a new doctor. I GUESS!!! my mom is pushing me to get a new one because she said the one i have is shoddy. but i dont want to but i guess im gonna have to anyway.

Hopefully it'll work out going through the clinic. But yeah, getting a proper medical doctor would be handy, get it out of the way now before you end up stuck without one ya know.

Are you talking about the Ken Lawrence Explorer? That is one shekshy beast!! He's quite limited with what songs he can play on it though, I think it only has one active pickup, or only one pickup or something strange like that so he only uses it for like Sanitarium and Fade to Black, the lighter stuff, not a very metal guitar. I wanted one for years but they're all hand made and cost quite a price.

I quite like Fender Strats but I never got one as I like heavy crunchy tones and I understand you can't quite get that real metal sound off a Fender. I could be talking out of my arse here but that's what I've heard. If I got into blues, which is where I'm wanting to go next, I'd probably pick one up or even a cheaper copy. I played one in a shop before and they're surprisingly easy to play, I thought the neck would be too big for my teeny hands but it was grand.

I have to say I've been through some shite gear before I ended up with the setup I have now. A Yamaha first guitar starter pack from Argos, a Westtone Mockingbird (yeah no one else has ever heard of "westtone" either) and some crappy acoustics where the strings where about a foot away from the fretboard.

oh god i know right? before i get 30 and im stuck with this DO. i dont even want to change. hes helped me with a lot but my moms telling me to change. the part thats really hard is finding one closer that takes medicare. im seeing the DO 3 cities away. so finding one thats closer that takes my insurance is harder. i dont have a supplemental insurance plan. i would get less care if i did. i would be cut off from the clinic if i got a supplemental medicare plan. but i would get better medical care.

That's really confusing. Over here if you're poor you get a medical card, which is free medical care, that's it... end of. You just sign a form and you get your card that you present at the hospital or wherever.

However it's very hard to find medical doctors (GP's) that take on new medical card patients, hence why I haven't changed my doctor since I moved here when I was 9.

If you want psychiatric care you just get a referral from your GP and go to the closest clinic. There's one in practically every County (counties in Ireland are small... teeny weeny things), you'd never be more than an hour drive from one and even that's pushing it.

America likes to complicate things it seems.

This..... this is da truth!

There is nothing wrong with DO's they simply have different medical schools but still have to be board certified.....

I've decided that I'm okay with my weight. Sure I could stand to lose some but I'm not like huge or anything, I will eat healthier but for the sake of being healthy rather than just to be getting skinnier. I'm also going to build up my wardrobe with stuff other than oversized t shirts and sweatpants, I'd like to have some style sometimes

Go you Blue_Bird. !

i believe that. its my mom who thinks theres something wrong with this particular doctor.

well when i was 9 i had a pediatrician. and after so long you have to switch to a doctor that isnt a child/adolescent doctor. especially if things get complicated like having complicated illnesses. i wasnt just told this but i was also told pediatricians are child/adolescent doctors. i had my dr who delivered me when i was born but since he was a pediatrician i switched at 22.