Roll Call 65

So I broke up with the guy I was dating last week---now I'm back onto the dating scene. I'm somewhat addicted to interacting with people online, there is always an initial rush and then it sort of dries up. But each message is like a dopamine burst....I actually went out with someone last night but it didn't work out...I keep wondering if I made the right choice in breaking up but I think I did even though it still hurts somewhat.

therapy was good. i wanted to cry so bad though. i held it back the whole time. i was holding it back so hard and so much that i was having tics and muscle spasms.

so my diagnosis i found out is schizoaffective bipolar type. my therapist said it used to be schizoaffective unspecified but they had to choose something for the insurance company and she said she thinks me doing risktaking behavior such as trying to choke my therapist and what happened at the college a few years ago made them put bipolar because she doesnt think i get depressed enough to warrant depressive subtype nor that manic enough to warrant the other type. so its for insurance purposes probably.

I just got back from the fireworks... I'm glad I decided to go. It was raining all the way there but then it calmed down to only a drizzle for the rest of the time. The fireworks went on for 20 mins... I got some videos on my iPhone. They were pretty good... I mean not mind blowing, but good. They had music to it all... was pleased to say they had Star Wars music accompanying them for a while!

If I can be bothered at some point I will upload them to youtube & share them with you all. I'm not sure whether I can merge videos on the youtube editor, but if I can I could get all the best bits into one video.

I was quite surprised at the number of people there despite the rain... there were hundreds of people walking the same way I went. It was predicted there would be 12,000 people but I suspect probably a fraction of that considering the weather.

That sounds fun...I haven't been to fireworks in like a couple years....

Having the right diagnosis is important. That's the only time I ever give labels much thought is when it'll affect my treatment, ie what meds will be prescribed and so on.

My insurance and social security information always has "schizophrenia" listed as my diagnosis because that's the one that always sticks no matter how many psychiatrists I've ever seen(not a small number).

Sucks that you wanted to cry, I know that means you're really feeling bad...

Glad therapy was good except for the wanting to cry part. Did you talk about ways to deal with loneliness?

How do you feel about being sza instead of sz? Do you feel it's accurate?

You should go to some!

You guys don't get bonfire night do you? I mean after all, it was the British Parliament Guy Fawkes tried to blow up, not the White House...

Still, you must get pretty good fireworks on the 4th of July right? And at New Years too I guess. Any other times of the year you get them over there?

well i get diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenia in hospitals but then this pdoc diagnosed me as schizoaffective. all i know is im schizo something and that will never change. im not as worried about labels as i used to be. im getting older and i just want the right meds BUT my therapist did say i wasnt depressed enough to warrant depressive type and vice versa for bipolar type. that it was just for insurance purposes. but i do notice one other guy at the clinic who has schizoaffective but hes clearly schizophrenic. i mean as a fellow psych hospital patient i can tell. so idk how they label their patients/clients.

no. because my therapist told me it was for a long time schizoaffective unspecified. so they couldnt figure out if it was bipolar or depressive but she said its neither. so that just leads me to think it should be schizophrenia. because i have a lot of negative symptoms or it could be the meds idk. but psychosis is my main problem.

That's about it for us and no bonfire night, maybe we should just adopt it...fireworks in November would be cool.

Actually at navy pier they have them all summer long and I'd like to go on one of those fireworks cruises. It just hasn't happened yet.

My pdoc told me that schizoaffective is just schizophrenia with a mood element. Though according to the ICD classification it looks like schizoaffective disorder is much more complicated than that.

F25 Schizoaffective disorders

F25.0 Schizoaffective disorder, manic type
F25.1 Schizoaffective disorder, depressive type
F25.2 Schizoaffective disorder, mixed type
F25.8 Other schizoaffective disorders
F25.9 Schizoaffective disorder, unspecified

A fifth character may be used to classify the following subtypes:
.x0 Concurrent affective and schizophrenic symptoms only
.x1 Concurrent affective and schizophrenic symptoms, plus persistence of the schizophrenic symptoms beyond the duration of the affective symptoms

was gonna get to play destiny with my boyfriend tonight but his work keeps calling him in and messing up our plans. i can't be mad because he's really close to the financial goal where he'd be cozy with me moving in with him, and i need to work on things tonight, but still. sad face anyway. we never get to play anymore, he barely even got to do the halloween festival. :<

plus, fallout!!!!!! good luck if he thinks he can pull me out of single-player open-world anticipated-for-years rpg hell.

How do they distinguish Schizoaffective, depressive type from someone with Schizophrenia who is depressed? I mean it's not uncommon for those with sz to get depressed but that doesn't mean they have schizoaffective necessarily...

Yeah I get the being able to tell the difference thing. I've met people offline that have schizoaffective disorder and I'm... different than them, like once you recognize the difference it's pretty easy to spot.

I don't care as much about labels as I used to, either. I only care if it's an issue of not getting the right meds or worse getting the wrong ones.

I guess when it's just not feeling right, breaking up is the best thing to do... sorry it didn't work out for you though.

I was thinking I'll try getting on the dating scene but not until I have a job... if I'm unemployed then a) I'll be less likely to get a date, online at least & b) I'll have to do some sort of explanation as to why I'm unemployed... I'd rather be able to leave out my health problems for the first while, even if I was vague they'd end up being pretty curious if it was bad enough to keep me out of work.

That's interesting that over there they've got a manic subtype. Don't have that in the USA... I wish they did, because I know some people with bipolar and one with schizoaffective disorder who just have mania as far as a mood episode, no depression at all.

Yep Psycho_Mantis... the most important thing in the World to me right now!

Thanks

Yeah I don't disclose my psychosis much anymore, I figure if it's not really impacting me then why do they need to know?

my therapist told me to post here when im lonely

Haha that's so damn true. Only problem with me is: my fiancee and I have one Xbox and obviously one copy of fallout. This is going to be a serious test to our relationship, I'm totally playing it first... feck him.

I have no idea. I always thought that if you got depressed and where a schizophrenic then you had schizoaffective. But I really don't know. I think I read somewhere it has something to do with the timing. As in do you get these episodes within psychotic episodes. But that's a chickenfoot fact so...

Yeah I think you might be right on that one, certainly seen that chickenfoot fact myself...

My psychiatrist did say it's not uncommon to get depression following a psychotic episode, so maybe that's it... schizophrenics tend to get depressed after not during their episodes. Although the water of course can get muddied by the fact acute psychosis can make one suicidal anyway sometimes.

Who knows, I guess it's probably a fairly blurred distinction.

Yeah it hurts my brain a little bit thinking about it. I'll just leave the complicated babble to my psychiatrists and worry about finding new ways to disagree with them anyway

Yeah I just let my psychiatrist go on and on even if she's wrong, where my diagnosis is actually important(ie insurance, social security) it stays consistent so I don't care what someone's latest analysis of me is, though sometimes saying "oh by the way you are spectacularly wrong" can amuse me at times I do admit it, lol.