Roll Call 65

i went over and visited my neighbors. took away the stress and panic and depression for awhile.

Yay Friday. Anyone have plans for the weekend?

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just gonna be alone all weekend most likely

Sweet FA, but that's just the way I want it...

does anyone want to skype?

Bf is away this weekend including all today so been at parents and sleeping over. Feel pathetic for being here. I should be able to look after myself. I just get bored and scared. But being around them too long is so taxing.

thats exactly how i feel

They don't know my day to day struggles so just assume I'm fine then get disappointed in me when I'm not. I can't be honest with them. Need to accept that. They are not here for me anymore. Not for mental illness things. Just pleasantries

well apparently i dont know how to keep friends. i just asked someone irl if they liked me and they said "some. we are just way different". i considered them a good friend too. i guess not anymore. this couldnt get anymore depressing. idk how to make or keep friends.

Newtus I couldn't find your movies about mental illness thread and I'm sure some of these are in there. But it's a good list nonetheless: 30 best movies about mental illness | GamesRadar

if you look on my website: mozepray.com they are on there.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/schiz...zophrenia.html

thank you!

Nice one, thanks guys!

idk how SP keeps up with all the threads. shes like a google.com.

i sent you a pm sp

like it feels like it should be 8:30pm but its not even 6:30 yet. im sick of this.

bout to be 7pm. I'm just living minute by minute right now. hour by hour. this sucks.

SO here's a fun experience from tonight. lots of fun, try this at home. i went with my plan to go for an outdoor run. on the first couple blocks i noticed an older man in front of me, and he's walking kind of wobbly, can't really decide what side of the sidewalk to walk on. so i think i can sneak by him on the right when he's on the left, but nope, right as i try he veers right and nearly bumps into me. i swerve and apologize (i have my headphones in so i can't hear what he says back), and he touches my back as i pass. right in the center of my back. and it fvcking BURNS, physically, it BURNS and there's cold shivers running down my SPINE and i'm SPRINTING away and SCREAMING. luckily the major street at the end of the road was quiet and i ran across it before anyone could catch me.

but i just spent the whole rest of the run terrified. i went 40 minutes and was in a near panic every time i saw a man. there were these two much bigger ones in front of me when i was taking a walking break and i just kept repeating to myself "claw their eyes out claw their eyes out claw their eyes out go for the temples go for the temples go for the temples" and like it wasn't that i was feeling like i would attack THEM, it was THEM inevitably attacking ME. and AM was always mocking me for it, saying if i couldn't outrun a team of predators in a wooded trail then there's no way i would survive going back to hell.

this is why i like treadmills, man.

can anybody skype right now? sp? anybody?

its fine lol whatever

I got this guys number off ok cupid but I think he just wants to be texting buddies.

Nothing wrong with that, but please be careful. Don't tell him your address.

I can Skype but I'm crashing

Ze ephedrines.. was out of Abilify..

The voices be all like "I'm going to mcdonalds *Incoherent spiritual world type noises*" and I think.. k... thanks for letting me know..

your right. I didn't think about that. no seriously. I'm so caught up in trying to find friends and someone to date that my mind has gone completely off kilter.

seriously.

I think its because I ran out of meds and am stressed out and not sleeping.
I'm so over the edge right now. like I'm wired and not tired. and I'm just...im so not good right now.

thank you for saying that.