Roll call 80

My days haven't been rough recently but I'll still take pics of cats. Thanks!

Met a nice cat the other day at someones house my parents know. Made me realize I get withdrawal symptoms not spending time with cats... I don't think I'll be getting one anytime soon though since I'm going to college rather than getting a full time job.

Ah well.. one day...

Miss ya!

We are just waiting for our taxi back to my place. Whoo, 3 things done today! Never could have done it without my friend. I have acid reflux pretty bad today.

Just one more cab and the upwards stairs. Ugh. I'm so grateful for my wonderful friend. I love him so much.

And, I made it up the stairs. I was shaking and scared to death. I just need to know I can do this, but I don't know if I can do it alone. At least I know I can do it with my friend's help.

You are doing great @Angelique!
I am glad you are conquering your fear of the stairs !

Thank you, Kori!!!!! I wish the anxiety would just dissolve, like it did in 2013.

If my calculations are correct, I might be ready to apply to a university in august. Im kicking myself for not taking just a "goof off" class in June (or a core class). Cause then I couldve topped it off and definitely applied, but at this time im calculating things. Im not even sure if i will get in. prayers that i do tho, or send good vibes my way. the school to transfer to requires at least 30 credits for transfer and i THINK...i THINK ill have 31.

the reason my calculations are a bit tough to do is because im having to factor in past colleges and current college and then like, does a D count? probably notttt. so yea. i only have one D. everything else is passing.

i kinda regret taking off from school for a month but then i was starting to get C's and felt i really needed a break.

Glad you made it up the stairs. I hate those bastards, and I live on the second floor. I have to take them one at a time, and count them.

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Thank you!

I seem to have won. I still have to talk to HR again, but when I returned to work this afternoon, my bosses told me I did NOT have to wear long sleeves, and that what was said this morning is rescinded.
I'm happy I stood up for myself.

Thank you. If I were counting the stairs, it might be worse, but I don't know. I have to take them one at a time mostly, too. My knees are too painful from a lifetime of falling down on my knees on concrete. I don't recommend that! 😭

My PDoc thinks I might have Schizoaffective. I thought it was just a worse version o schizophrenia but it's not. It means I have psychosis, but with mood disorders, but with no negative symptoms like cognitive decline I think? I'm still uncertain what it is. It still sucks, I know that.

I have schizoaffective it seems. Major depressive type + bipolar thanks to a bad reaction to an antidepressant, with a few other ones. Schizoaffective is rarer than even schizophrenia. It means that I am less likely to have negative symptoms, but that I also have a mood disorder like major depression.

I'm in the middle of a med change right now. I'm weaning off my mood stabilizer for bipolar1 from Lamictal to Topamax. My Effexor(SNRI) and Klonoppin should help with depressive episodes. I can handle the manic rage better than the depressive episodes. I'm just going to have to wride them out. In two weeks ill start a low dosage of Topamax at 25mg, then in a week I go to 50 mg. 50 mg is the first low thereapueitc dosage for bipolar.

I'm staying on Geodon for bipolar and my psychotic episodes. I love Geodon. So my new cocktail will:

Geodon 80mg
Topamax 50mg (until I find the right dosage)
and the lowest dosage of Effexor possible. Maybe I can get off of it completely.

I'm going to do little bumps here and there very carefully with my doctors permission to find just the right balance. Hopefully, Topmax, like Lithium and Lamictal, also stops my panic attacks. We'll see though. The reason for the switch to Topamax is for more of a emotional range and to lose the weight gained from lamictal.

@Day Tripper, good luck, i hope you find the balance you're looking for with tweaking your meds.

If I told you what I'm really thinking, hearing, and seeing... you all wouldn't believe me.

Now I'm intrigued.

Bike is working, getting ready for my first spin in months into town for work. Falalalala!!!! work work work then more falalalalala.

Me too.

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Feeling like a puppet right now. I can feel strings being pulled from my arms and toes.

I'm being serious when I say this:

Try me.

A manic post, might be annoying for anyone who has rough days. Please don't click if you don't feel well I just need to get it out of my chest.

I have a gift… I see dead children. Some fully and some are shadows. I’ve seen adults too but not as much recently. I’ve seen a little girl with blood dripping down her legs and sobbing here recently. No one else seems to see her. No one seems to notice anything. They’re ****ing there… Gods give me the gift to hear voices of random people talking to me through my head. Sometimes they’re dead and sometimes they’re living people putting their thoughts into my head. Sometimes telling me how worthless I am and some warning me of danger. Warning me that if I don’t harm myself or kill myself my death will be soon and torturous. They tell me what to do.

Sorry… this is all I feel comfortable sharing.

Hi guys, went to a recovery group today that's about 'work and meaningful activity'. I drove myself there.
The group is about preparing you for getting back into work, I think it's guna be helpful cos they tell you about your rights in the workplace.
I had a great chat with one of the people running the course. She loved my tattoos and kept saying how well they cover my scars. We had a long chat about life and stuff. It's good because I'm getting more comfortable talking about my life and experiences with people.
She asked me what I would say if people asked about my scars and I said I didn't know...it's something I'm guna have to think about for sure.
All in all been a good day today I hope you guys are all okay, to those who are struggling

I wouldn't judge you for that.

That sounds great. I hope you are able to get back into work.

I don't think that what you're saying is impossible at all. There's a lot of **** out there that science cannot adequately explain.