Roll call 80

Thanks

lol... I like how my stepmom reassures me that she'll be getting her pain pills on the 14th and selling them to get food in the house. Gee thanks... feeding into either my sisters or someone else's addiction. Yeah, that makes me feel loads better <_<

That sounds upsetting.

Erti , please , last time I heard from you , you were stable. Whats gone wrong?

I am feeling a lot of stress from family and med changes. There's a lot going on with me right now. Overwhelmed honestly.

Why did you change meds?

I was sleeping a lot. 14-16 hour days some days.

Oh, understandable....

The Dallas shooting has me on edge today. I live on a neighboring border of the city. I'm scared to go anywhere. They're targeting white people. Mostly cops. But white people in general too. There were snipers. I'm always looking for snipers. I've been doing so for years. And now this happens last night. My stomachs in knots. I don't want to go anywhere. I'm so scared.

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Keep safe dear! Hopefully things get better and you can feel safe where you live and not fear that people are targeting you.

Hi everyone. Feeling better today. Anxiety is still high but on the plus side I got the kitty out of the attic! She's doing fine. I'm so relieved.

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I went back to sleep early in the afternoon and slept all darned day. Didn't know what day it was when I woke a little while ago, or whether morning or night. I love a calm sleep, without anxiety plaguing me, but it's not a good thing when I have amnesia (the med that puts me to sleep causes amnesia).

The bad neighbors have had their noise blasting - it's probably what woke me up. I'm so sad, I wish I could move and take this space with me. I love the size of this place. But those freaks are not going anywhere. I'm still thinking I should go to the police over the trespassing of that freak downstairs in my apartment on April 3rd. And the stealing of my 30 watt isticks. I'm so miserable with those pos downstairs. Why doesn't karma reach them? I'm losing my faith again.

I should go to the police and get a restraining order too. I should force the lousy police here to do something about the nightmare of those pos downstairs.

Oops, when I say lousy police, it's because they don't/won't help me because of my mental illnesses. They have at times been very insulting. But I'm not OK with the assassinations of police that's been going on for a long time now.

My loneliness is redoubled after my friend goes home. I'm so lonely. I need more friends but believe it or not, I feel like without a car I can't make new friends. I can't go anywhere by cab regularly. It costs so much. A car would be a huge expense, but without one I just never go anywhere except to medical appointments. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm just dying inside.

I am having that same problem now

Oh, I forgot this for awhile. My pdoc is sort of using my craving for benzos to push... benzos.

It is relatively probably true that I could handle the stairs if I had benzos. So, he wants to prescribe them. I've turned them down a couple of times already. I think next time he brings it up I'll accept a prn script just to give myself the choice. He obviously hasn't seen how bad it is to come off them. And I've told him how hard it was for me. But I need help with the panic of the stairs. So I'll just say OK, and give myself the choice, if indeed they help me with the stairs.

It could be a huge mistake, but I'm aware of that. I just need to be able to deal with the stairs again.

I hope the benzos will help and not create any problems for you.

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I have noticed that I clench my jaw really hard when I'm anxious. I take a prn and the clenching stops. Seems weird to me but I guess it's just one more thing to deal with.

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Ever since I have been on invega, like 3rd week in, my jaws snap shut really hard and biting my tongue. I don't think I ever had this symptom before in the past. It scares me. I don't want to bite through my tongue or cheek.

I'm going to have to get more mini donuts. Love them and hardly ever have them.

i ended up harming myself today...i havent done that in 3 years...i talked to T on the phone twice...im nto psychotic i am just .. depressed.... iw ent to work and it distracted me... now im back in my house..in my room,..in my bed......and i dunno. i woke up at 5 am and just started driving. i drove and hour away. i wanted to keep going to keep driving until i reached the tip of florida... just get away from here. but i couldnt... i turned around and came back. i wish i would do something crazy and just... get away from myslef

I see that my post was deleted. :/ How strange.

College orientation went ok. I really am not looking forward to being independent for the first time, it's so overwhelming and I'm scared I'll mess it up.

Signing up for my classes was weird and I'm sure I messed it up because I forgot to check if each class was online or not.

Anyway, im home now and have over a month until I have to worry about school again.

I see two posts by you, #361 and #362.

The jaw thing could be a med side effect, might want to mention it to your doctor.