Roll Call 112

Hello?....

Screw it. Wasted my time typing anything.

Not sure what to say.....except don’t ruin a good thing by pushing too hard......

Im tempted to back off him for awhile completely but if i do ill back off too much and he will think im ignoring him.

I either back off to the point of ignoring someone or im completely attached.

I learned that from being used by people last year. I was used for my time and money by so many people that i started isolating myself just like when i was psychotic for 3 years. Like by my mom and ex and a few friends. And yea, i just got to the point last year where i just stopped talking to my mom and my ex and one of my best friends. Which actually turned out great because after about a week they all started seeking ME out and then i started doing my own thing. So basically i became unavailable to everyone.

Idk maybe thats like restricting calories or isolating from people completely. Maybe its just a form of controlling my social situation. Or lack thereof.

I don't relationship because a girl liked me so much that she was afraid to lose me. I liked her just as much but I was living more in the moment and not the future. She wanted children.

She started doubting everything so I ended it.

So I can't really say anything about relationships and how to give advice. I just back out of people getting too close to me and always have.

Your bf can't be the same though. I have schizotypal personality disorder where "People with this disorder feel extreme discomfort with maintaining close relationships with people".

I think it’s normal to feel strong attachment but you can eventually regulate it. I know in the beginning of my relationship I didn’t even like going out with friends because it wasn’t as good. I think it’s why we moved in together so fast, but now we live apart again, mostly due to him taking care of his mom but also because he’s more comfy in his own place. Anyway try for balance, see other friends even if it doesn’t feel as good, relying on a single person can be a burden for them even if they care deeply.

You remind me of my ex.

But no. My bf doesnt have mental illness.

I dont know anyone in this area tho? All my friends are online. I hate talking to clients at my clinic cuz they are just like my friend: they continuously screw up their life every week or other week and wait for people to bail them out of situations. Or they blame others for their mistakes. And those type of people are an extreme drain on me. I pull away from those types to the point of just ignoring them.

I have a good portion of my life together. I have 2 reliable cars paid in full, a steady income, take my meds everyday, going to college soon here, etc. and continuously working on myself everyday like mental and physical health. I practice coping skills and eat mostly clean whole foods. Itd be absolutely perfect if i was closer to finishing school, had a good paying job, and had a place of my own. Maybe even if i was working out. But even with the stuff i have now you cant find anyone that has shyt like that lined up and is semi confident in themselves and ready to start the next chapter in life. Like me.

Not trying to brag but each year gets better and better. I havent gone down since i was psychotic those 3 years or so. Its all uphill little by little. I thank my parents for instilling independence in me as much as they have.

And like i said when youre in a position that im in, the people at places like my clinic look like a freakin train wreck every week.

Thats mainly cuz they are!

Yeah, i didn't tell my last girlfriend i loved her until after 4 months. Maybe that's the cynic in me though. But it was building up and the moment was right.

Newtus, I recommend the book The Second Sex by Simone De Beavoiur. It goes over the differences between the sexes, romance and love. Her conclusions are striking!

Will buy!!!!!

I was nagging at him today about making money.

But it was for very good reason.

I dont want to be stuck in a marriage with a kid where neither of us can afford to pay for the kid. I love this man to death but this is my first ACTUAL serious relationship where we BOTH want to move to the next step. But im scared. He says school is stupid. But hes not busting his butt to even pay for his own bills...

Thats like a major major red flag. He doesnt even have health insurance.

Oooh I also have a book recommendation it’s called “will our love last”, by Sam Hamburg....my friend told me about it. It sets up three critical dimensions to the relationship and figures out if you are compatible on each dimension, if I remember you need 2 of 3 dimensions to last but which two defines the type of relationship you actually have.

Ill look into it

Im just confused how he says he wants to have a family after settling into a place (dont know how long after) but cant cover his own bills? What if i wasnt using protection right now and was pregnant? Stuff like this is WHY i use protection.

Im not about to be homeless with a kid

I guess this is what happens when you marry for love and not money

Wanting to have a family and being able to afford are very different, plenty of people on food stamps or welfare with kids.

Crap. I am out of good vape juice. I have 1/2 of a 10 ml bottle left of menthol then it’s the gross stuff or nothing until my order comes next week . I totally forgot to order.

I told him a week or two ago my mom and dad....i woukd never hear the end of it from them til they die if i was on welfare for the rest of my life. Mainly from my mom i think. And mainly with a man on welfare together.

I dont want to (and hes said this to) struggle. We dont want to struggle. But at the same time its just like he sent me strings of texts yesterday saying how stressed he is about money. But then he goes and has a bonfire with his friends for 12 hours. And then tells me today he cant pay any bill with the check he got today, but goes to the movies (apparently for free tho).

Hes just not matured.

I spent 2 hours on the phone and online looking for side jobs he could make money with. I doubt he even did that himself. He keeps telling me not to worry about it, but if hes planning to stay at this job forever and is only making money one or two seasons out of 4....then...how are we even supposed to move in together? Makes no sense to me.

Ive started savinf up money myself for the first/last months rents and fees.

Wow

I feel like im complaining to no end about him. I love him. I just want him to better himself and not settle for what hes doing now.

Lol Nick told me he’d marry me like a week after we started dating. But we were best friends before so I guess that played a big part.

I have to disagree with this. If you really love someone you’ll make more money because you want a better future for them, with them.

Well there's always that fury of passion, and the fog of whether it was love or infatuation wasn't clear. We had to break up due to irreconcilable differences, but we're on good terms. It's sad to follow her on facebook though. She's always falls for a guy hard, reports nothing wrong, then "Good f'n riddance" a few months later. She was the best "first date" I ever had. I hope i still have that picture of her in my tshirt. Good memory.

bight lights on a starless night... burn a hole in the dying day.

Lol you had a picture of her in your shirt, so sweet

I was wondering where was everyone, I totally forgot that it was a night time at you guys place

I feel like regretting all the things I’ve said and done in my life. If I ever offended anyone here I’m truly sorry. It was never my intention to hurt anyone #bipolarguilttrip