Roll Call 152

Work is really working me. I get off at the end of the day tired, out of it, and slightly paranoid and hallucinating.

Are you enjoying the work though @newtus? I usually come home after a day at work exhausted, laying on the bed, curled up, not talking etc. But I do enjoy (for the most part, obviously not everything) the work that I do. I hear you about people talking about schizophrenics. While I don't have schizophrenia, I have depression with psychotic features, and people seem to think depression is just feeling sad. There's so much more to it. And hallucinations, yeah, most people don't understand that. Even my parents don't get it.

Talk about triggering!

Yes I am. So far. We did a self defense type training today. Training is all week for me. Everyday is different. Tomorrow I am taking driving lessons for the company cars. And I gotta finish up training I'm doing on the computer.

I'm glad you are enjoying it @newtus Sounds like it is interesting so far

Yes, I buy my jeans via catalog (or online) from Woman Within. They're elastic waist and very comfortable.

I am praying it will be benign.

Mine are always the same

My mind is falling apart

I'm watching it fall apart and it's disturbing, I almost would rather be unaware like I was a long time ago

Are you having anxiety or panic?

Unaware of what?

Panic, hallucinations, paranoia., I'm scared of myself , things have not been like this since for over 5 years

So another book might be in the works. My old pss said out of everyone shes seen when she worked at my last clinic, i was the only one that made the most progress and has gone really far.

We might be writing a book together about recovery and I'm hoping to tell a bit or all of my story.

I wanna do traditional publishing tho. I'm thinking of finding a literary agent.

Do you think it’s the recent medication change?

Idk maybe

Abilify is a pretty weak AP, if you swapped it for something stronger that could be it, I’d call the pdoc.

Okay, thank you, I will

I hope you start feeling better soon @Blue_Bird and I agree with @Sometimes psychotic to call the PDOC. Not that I'm great about taking my own advice, but, I still think it's good advice. HUGS Kit

Did you lower your meds?

I just saw your answer. Yes, I agree with SP and Kit, you need to tell the pdoc asap. It will be ok.

I love the little mango aio I got in June from the local vape shop. I have to get more. It's horrible when in the winter they won't take us outside to vape. It's semi safe to take the little aio into the bathroom for a minute.

I wish I could go stay with my mother to take care of her. But maybe there's some karmic reason I can't.

But I don't know if the aio has any nicotine. Definitely need to get some with decent nic.

I'm really scared.

I dont have anymore geodon. Only for tonight and tomorrow morning. Im gonna need to goto my doctor during my lunch break because my hours this week is exactly when my doctor is open.

I'm gonna ask them for emergency geodon.

Long story short: there was a mess up with my pharmacy.

I'm fckn shaking, I'm so scared.

I was shaking earlier at work too. I get shaky near the end of the day. I think its cuz it wears my brain out by 3pm and I feel anxiety and stuff and I start getting paranoid.