Roll Call 152

Anyone have any input? I don’t want to leave my room, every time I talk I feel like I’m adding to their conspiracy against me. It’s real. They’re out for me and spying on me. I shouldn’t trust a single soul.

You can trust Tweaky (He just wants meth).

Finland is like Canada. Safe place to be and everyone is just trying to look out for you. Soon you'll be on the right meds and feel much better.

The thing with psychosis is I don't even notice when I'm sick or if the meds start working. But you'll start to trust them again eventually.

Psychosis is a horrible thing. Wouldn't you just prefer if it was hypomania? Thatd be great! But you probably don't even sense pleasure or humor. People in the psych ward I've noticed seem to glorify "craziness" which just makes it scary as **** to be the person listening to them. I don't know why they do that..

The chemical soup in your brain is signaling "PSYCHOSIS" like a drug induced psychosis. Change the chemicals, and you'll be better. Sometimes psychosis can be caused by environmental factors and it's either, it will get better, or the environmental factors cause chemical imbalance and the psychosis just stays that way.

But no one is trying to harm you. Theres no conspiracy. It seems like there is. I think things like my mom is a spy which is quite heartbreaking but I'm glad that I'm out of that state and trust me, when you're out of that state, you'll think "Why was I even thinking those things??".

OKay, thank you for your insight...It’s really hard to tell right now. I locked myself in my room right now and if someone wants in they need to break out the keys.

I'm already starting to lose weight with the med changes

and am starting to feel better after many weeks of nightmarish hell

Yay BB! That's amazing on both counts!

My dad is coming home today. This makes me happy. I've missed him. He's only been gone since Friday but I don't like when he's gone. I went to Disneyland yesterday. The new Star Wars ride was underwhelming. But the rest of Disneyland was cool. I enjoyed it. Even though I was by myself and I was only there for 6 hours. I still did like 10 rides. I did have some SUI thoughts at Disneyland. I was like, WTH? I don't know where that was coming from. I'm getting tremors. I just had one in my right arm/hand. It made it hard to type for a minute. Not sure what that is from. I'll probably google it and then scare myself with all the possibilities. More tremors. I'm depressed though. Thoughts of SH. But the dog hallucinations seem to be getting better. That was probably thanks to my therapist.

I'm home

Lately I've started dislike being alone, which is extremely unusual for me. Normally I'm the most introverted person in the world and a total loner but now I wish I had someone to chat with around the apartment. I guess maybe it's because I spent the last month or so terrified of everything, that having company actually is appealing and makes me feel safer

Just dropped my zyprexa and lithium scripts off at the pharmacy

Was able to read 19% of a book today

I'm actually bored after work.

I dont know what that's supposed to mean.

Either I'm not doing enough to keep myself busy or I'm not engaged enough in stuff I'm already doing.

I need to make it a point to at least update my blog once a week. I really do.

I've been having baby fever like crazy! For like 6 months.

Ugh.

Have yall heard from loial?

(Edited)

username is Loial, no I haven't

He checked in here awhile back though and said he was doing well

I remember that, but it's been quite a while now. Hope's hes doing ok.

I took a tiz. They were out of Motrin this morning so I've been in a lot of pain all day. I'm getting a little tired though. At least I got some two hours ago.

I feel like shyt. I got a headache. I'm just stressed about everything. Fck. I dont feel well.

That sounds stressful. Do you have anything for the headache? Like ibuprofen, or Tylenol, or aspirin. Or Aleve. I wish I had at least two of those here secretly. No matter what you need, it's hard to get it here and the "doctor" won't do anything for you until 3 days have passed.

I had a rebound headache all day too. I'd like to be able to take Aleve instead for a few days. Motrin works best but I should be able to take breaks from it.

Unfortunately, that's way too complicated for this place.

So, I guess he was a lawyer (not sure) a young man introduced himself just before lunch, and said he's the new person handling my probate stuff. I got into a slight argument when I said I wanted to go home. I was told by two or more people here that I'm more than ready to go out in the community. I told him that this place won't let me go home, and he said very vehemently that if I were ready to be let go, they'd kick me out. I'm so tired of this place. I sometimes took for granted living alone.

Anyway, I haven't got a will and I'm leaving all my stuff to my friend.

Forgot what else.

I feel so hyper and full of energy yippeeeeeeee! I don’t feel i need to be here. I’m good now.

Thank you yes i did. I took 2 acetominophin (sp?) Last night. I'm ok this morning.

Happy birthday @newtus !