Roll Call 152

I mean. I want to believe that...but I mean I will eventually but until maybe january of 2020 I'm gonna be very busy.

They said I could dress casual tomorrow. Like jeans and sneakers, because we are gonna do self defense training.

That sounds like fun

I hope I can sleep tonight because I've been up since 2am. I'm not really tired either. Oh no. Hope it doesnt turn out bad. Like hypomania to mania.

I mean it is, but the fact we have to do it is scary. We also had to do gun violence training. Cuz of everything in the news u know.

That is a little scary

I'm having bad cabin fever. It's a form of claustrophobia.

I need to go somewhere. That's why I was having panic attacks in the smaller place I used to live in. It's the reason as to why I would walk downtown to the gas station to get a bottle of coke every day.

It was the reason I liked to smoke so I could go outside. I'm always inside.

I go for hikes and mountain biking and stuff. I guess I should do more mountain biking (I'll go in the morning).

Tomorrow I'm going to drop off my work stubs to my disability place, maybe go to the coffee connections place and then see about getting a part time job.

Morning

I actually slept last night.

Yay!

(Added to make it long enough)

I feel like I'm gonna throw up. I think its cuz I'm out of my routine still. I'm shoving coffee down my throat. And my pills before I take a shower and leave.

My moms surgery was postponed after they started they found a mass, they need to biopsy. Prayers and good vibes appreciated.

Sorry to hear SP, I hope that she will be okay, I'll keep you all in my prayers

Oh no! Will be praying. HUGS Kit

Hi everyone, I'm depressed today but that's not that unusual for me. I had hallucinations last night but they were better than the night before so maybe none tonight? That would be good. There was a fire on my street last night. Someone's garage burned down. It was triggering to me because my Dad was a fireman for many years and would come home with his hands burned or his hair singed. Luckily when I drove by the house this morning, the house looks okay, and it's not red tagged or anything, just the garage looks like a total loss. I feel bad for the family that lives there. But I'm glad the fire department was able to save their house. HUGS Kit

Sorry you’re feeling bad, didn’t you jus see the pdoc and T? Were the positive changes due to that?

Was thinking of my mom, she loves roses.

Yeah, I just saw T and PDOC on Monday. PDOC kept the meds the same. Which they probably NEED to be adjusted but I didn't WANT them adjusted because I already feel like a zombie and didn't want to add something else in the puzzle that would make it worse. T was okay. I told her about some trauma stuff but she didn't respond. Literally said nothing. Later she said I had been through a lot and that a lot of people had hurt me (I don't think it's a lot, I think it's that the hurt is a lot) and that I'm strong even if I don't feel like it. She asked me if I felt better after telling her. I said no because I didn't then, but I do feel better (somewhat) after telling her now. And something she said about one of my visual hallucinations seems to have helped it not be as intense.

Does anyone with visual hallucinations tend to get the same ones? Like I get a black dog, children, a bishop, etc.

Sorry SP.. I'm sending good energy to both our moms.

My mom isn't taking her beta blockers properly and just went for a 20km hike. She's drinking much more now. She's in denial but she will talk about her surgery at the end of the month. She says she's looking forward to being in the hospital because then she can sleep.

I’ve only had a few visuals, all have been different but my smell hallucinations definitely repeat.

I’ll send good energy to you and your mom....

You got it SP.
I’m so sorry

I'm sorry sp.

It's weird being in the mental health field and everyone around u is talking about schizophrenics they've encountered. And you're just like thinking, "I'm a schizophrenic you'd encounter."

I dont say anything tho. I just listen to them talk about stories of people they've had to deal with. I think only my supervisor knows about my disorder because I put it on the application since it was required to apply. Not required to disclose but required to tell your story in some way, so I put it in there.

I feel similar while majoring in human services and psychology in college. Especially in the abnormal psych classes I've been in with the professors talking all about people with schizophrenia and bipolar symptoms, medications, etc and then other students commenting on people they've seen or worked with and some of them being shocked by some of the symptoms and stuff. It's strange. I know there's people who have experienced anxiety and stuff in those classes and can relate to that but then the psychotic type stuff most don't understand personally or haven't had that experience and only know of the schizophrenic people they've seen in movies or walking down the streets yelling and whatnot, and it's weird hearing about all that stuff knowing I have the disorder I do and what I've experienced