Roll Call 152

No this fur allergy started when mice got into the apartment so it was impossible to get past it while they were still there. I developed a severe eye redness which required optical steroids and then I got some weirdo arthritis after. Not worth the risk and Claritin doesn't work for the eye part.

I'm glad you didn't buy the knife.

idk if it's the zyprexa or what, but my anxiety is next to nothing lately. It went from keeping me up at night to being gone, right around the time I started zyprexa.

I'm sick, with a head and throat bug. And I am freezing, because the pita roommate (whose opinion is the only one that matters) complains of being too warm without the AC blasting. And her curtains are always closed, instead of open for the air. So me, next to the AC, completely frozen.

That sounds terrible! What a bummer.

:

Yeah I might just do that. To get a job where I can listen to podcasts because money is a motivator where I can get up every day and have something to do. I don't get up early usually but I did today so I could go mountain biking through the trails. I don't have much to worry about because my disability check is 1700 dollars a month. I feel like I take not working for granted but I know that I have to improve myself because I feel bad in a way where other people are working.

I never felt bad for not wanting to work when I had anhedonia. I wasn't on disability yet and just quit cuz I wanted to slit my neck in the washroom and my coworkers were assholes. One kept making fun of me because I never smiled. I didn't know why I didn't smile. Then when I was working in retail, a coworker grilled me because he said that I wasn't showing enthusiasm for the job. He HAS to work because he has kids and was like my age. Like it's not my fault that I'm not happy working because I have to take care of only my suicidal self.

I feel bad now when I don't go to work and someone else has to cover my shift. That's why I don't want that responsibility. I want to work in my own time like how I'm not a machine and would rather live with a tribe in the jungle. If I was born in the amazon, I'd say my positive symptoms would make me a healer and I'd do ayahuasca. I see no difference in how schizophrenia is treated in the west compared to the east. All we do in the west is prescribe drugs that make us tired and boring zombies. Unless my positive symptoms were so severe that I'd be a crazy person that can't function in poverty and magic governed societies, then drugs that do the opposite of psychedelics would be ok. All paranormal activity has happened on psychedelics.. afterlife, astral projection, talking to the dead, etc..

But anyways.. Be careful with the booooze! Alan Watts died of liver failure from drinking. But he was a great talker.. philospher.. Idk how he did it and how alcohol could have been beneficial.. but I suppose it can induce deep thinking.. like with my dad.. And not just LSD or weed etc..

I'm able to smoke weed now and I know you don't like it because it makes you think TOO deep. But I believe it can be used as an intellectual and creative aid for writing.. then you don't smoke when you're not doing work..

I'll look up some inspirational people, books and podcasts and get my thoughts and notes organized and then I'll ask you for recommendations. I just find it weird to look up philosophers from the renaissance because I've never done that before. It's like history. I only started being interested in it now. My negative symptoms have gotten better enough for me to realize my potential yet not enough to do anything about it and move forward.

My whole family is allergic to cats. We don't use pills but eye drops instead that make the eyes less itchy.

Btw u are bad scientist for being allergic to mice. How will you know how fast a mouse can go through a maze on Valium...

Weed doesn't make me feel deep, it just makes me laugh and shortens my train of thought, while alcohol can extend my train of thought, and that is why I take alcohol over weed. Alan Watts is pretty damn cool. I didn't know he had liver failure. I've seen a lot of cool thoughts of his here and there. I don't know much at scholasticism, but @NEIL_w knows some I'm sure. My two area of expertise mostly comes from the Greeks and from the 17th century until the 19th century.

That’s why I’m not a scientist anymore....

Okay, ever since sz struck me I can no longer understand sarcasm. What that a sarcasm mic drop or are you serious?

I can’t get a job in my field anymore due to the reliance on mice 🐁 I never worked with them before but it became almost mandatory. I tried changing to molecular biology but sucked because of my cognitive issue had to quit after a year. Then taught micro as an adjunct for a semester...could not get a full time position, decided to try IT instead, finishing up google training for help desk through coursera. Applying for jobs now. If that doesn’t work I’m considering a masters in library science. I regained some cognition due to fish oil so I can read some again....worlds tiniest 🎻 violin playing.

I keep obsessively checking all my social media over and over and over again it’s crazy.

That's actually really good. And I hope u can get a job in either of those fields. I'm very proud of you!

Facking mosquitos

Morning friends. Slept really good. Not sure if maintenance is going to paint today or next week, doesn't really matter to me, my anxiety over this has pretty much gone away. Think I'm going to do a horror movie marathon today

Hope you feel better soon @Angelique67

Got some stuff at the library

Thank you so much! I can't stop coughing and blowing my nose. The good night of sleep has really changed your outlook, I'm so glad!

Wow, I never would have thought of that. I've wondered whether rodents in my apartment were bad for my lungs, but that's more to do with them running around in dust and broken plaster. And I'm always worried about hantavirus, however it's spelled. But for some reason lab mice make a squeaky clean impression in my mind.

Starting to get tired. Probably from my morning meds. Maintenance is coming to paint the ceiling @2pm so I've got to stay awake. I watched the 2010 version of A Nightmare on Elm street. I always feel good when I'm able to sit through a whole movie because I tend to usually get sidetracked and distracted very easily, stopping and starting movies and shows several time throughout.

Reading now and relaxing with my cats

What's everyone up to?

Smoking weed, buying weed at the weed store, picked up my vyvanse and got my invega injection..

Now idk what I'm gonna do..

Just working. Going to therapy tonight then over to a friends house for dinner and a movie.

At work all day. Have been feeling a bit psychotic. Symptoms popping through. Slowing down my work. Such is life.