Roll Call 152

Happy Birthday, Newtus!

Thank you bb & Angelique!!!

Got my blood drawn and then ate a huge chicken sandwich. Got fiance 2 breakfast sandwiches to wake up to.

Nice! When do you get paid? That first check is gonna feel so nice!

Happy birthday @newtus!

Hi guys, feeling somewhat depressed but mostly okay this morning, just HUNGRY! So hungry. Darn AP. I didn't want to get up this morning. I didn't end up getting up until like 6 AM. Usually I get up between 4:30 and 5 AM. Dad got up and made me breakfast. Eggs and Sausage. That's why it's annoying that I'm still hungry. I'm trying to just drink tea and hopefully that will fill me up. I had some hallucinations last night but I seem to be okay this morning. I'm bored at work though. Not much to do at the moment. Just waiting to see what is going to get put in my inbox.

Sleeping a lot

Going to the dentist this week

Therapy in less than an hour. IDK what im gonna talk about, I've just been sleeping.

Also: happy birthday @newtus

In a few days. Yes it is!!!

Happy birthday Newtus!

lol I couldn't speak to my doctor at the doctors office because I just woke up and didn't take the Vyvanse this morning. It's kicking in now so I'm able to talk.

I can talk better when stoned than without Vyvanse..

I am having a little clarity for the moment...was talking to my partner and it can be traced back to a month ago when the psychosis possibly began. I hope I don’t slip again. But I don’t feel I have complete control of my mind that its still being controlled by some source outside me.

I had a little psychosis last night. It was more like a serotonin psychosis where I'm imagining my reality and my consciousness doesn't originate in my brain.. like you arent really real and my psychiatrist is monitoring me to make sure I don't know the truth because I was thinking about how little we know about the brain.. like neurosurgeons just mess with blood vessels in the brain and take out tumors.. neurologists don't even know anything and psychiatrists are like magical western shamans and the spirit world is more valid.. I dont believe that science and spirituality should be combined because it doesnt make sense together..

Weird stuff I think about as a young adult.. I'm like a scientist.. when I'm older I cant imagine what I'll know.. and what society will know.. simulation theory being taught in schools because a quark is so small and how do we measure units of time? They're the biggest mysteries in physics.. like schrogers cat or something and deja vu being unexplainable.. crazy stuff..

Try not to think too much I say to myself..

Slept all last night and took a nap earlier, still on the verge of falling asleep

I got 550 dollars for my bday.

And then I'll get my 3 paychecks in a few days.

Newtus you've come so far. See? We can live normal lives maynnn

You must feel good

You take 10 steps backwards but 11 steps forward. You'll only get better.

My mom got news that her breast cancer prognosis is the best that it can possibly be almost. She goes for surgery in a month because it's growing so slowly. Then she'll go to work the next day for two weeks and then do radiation for a month. She might not have to do chemo.

On Thursday I'll finally be off seroquel and completely switched to thorazine, I had to cut the seroquel dose in half the past week with 200mg of the new med now I can drop the last of the seroquel and add another 200mg tablet of thorazine to my regimen for a total of 400. So far things are going well. And the abilify increase is helping too

Hopefully I can lose all the weight I gained over the past 6 months

I got my clozapine reduced today

Today was so good. Best day in a very very long time. Probably since christmas or my last bday.

I woke up and went to see the phlebotomist.

Then I went gambling with my mom at the casino in Oklahoma for an hour. Then went to see my dad for a couple of hours.

I already spent 120 on groceries.

This morning was not very good tho.

I found out that last night my grandpa hit his head on the ground. He fell. He suffered a stroke and a hemorrhage. He may not make it.

HUGS @newtus sorry to hear about your grandpa