Roll Call 153

Do you guys normally do jury duty? Even though I’m stable I always feel the fact that I had psychosis sort of invalidates my opinion in court cases...basically I had a doc write a note like a few years ago and I thought I was done with it but now I have a jury duty summons again...I’m not sure if I should try to get out of it again or just go, it’s like five days before my trip to see my mom and I’m worried it’s gonna interfere if I have to actually serve. I know you can reschedule but I might get a worse courthouse if I do that. I’m just torn but I’m leaning towards just going as it’s the least effort right now.

Fingers crossed bluebird...

Saw my pdoc today. He decreased my zyprexa to 15mg and my valium to 5mg once a day. Hopefully that'll help with my sleepiness

I feel a bit better. I posted my weird thoughts to Erti and her friend on Facebook.

Also I fluently wrote this little poem in a minute;

Inside me lays a little psychosis
A little madness
No one knows this
And I hope it passes
When I research conspiracies,
I put on my glasses
Drink some whiskeys
And smoke some hashes
If only I could see the whole truth,
I could save the world
But I suffer in pain every day
And it's all my fault

(It's inspired by my dads friend that had weed psychosis showing me chemtrails and such and said "Do you think I like annoying myself with my thoughts?").

I should write more prose poems but I write a little every day and then immediately do something else. I wish I spent more time writing.

my doctor wrote a not too when I was summoned for it several years ago, hope you're able to figure something out

Got 5 hours of sleep. More than the previous night

I get out of it. Sitting on a jury would spike my anxiety so bad, I would dissociate. I'm also diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder, so it would be possible that another personality could come out during the trial. I'm on SSDI for both the DID and the bipolar with psychotic features (it got changed from schizoaffective recently). I answer no to "are you of sound mind?" or I think that's the question, and I put a note in on the impaneling stating that I'm on SSDI and why. I have been dismissed twice before even having to go to the courthouse.

My mom used to get mad and yell at me when I was in and out of hospitals too

I was always so ashamed to have to call her from the unit ...again

But there was things going on that she or anyone knew about .

The stuff with my former therapist and sex parties

When I got admitted again Feb 15 2010 I told my pdoc what was going on with my therapist . He came back the next day and said he did not sleep last night . I didnt even tell him about the sex swinging stuff . Told my social worker and she told him

But anyway my mom stopped after that.

The worst thing was that when I called and told the about my therapist , she said "I suspected that "

Like mom why wouldn't you intedvene or at least ask! It really hurt to know that yet again she chose denial over actually being a protective parent

I feel like maybe because I got involuntarily committed I'm not eligible cause I'm 32 and have never been summoned

I have been put in the hospital involuntarily too but I've been summoned once, some people never get it, some people get it multiple times, some just once, I think it's somewhat random.

Oh okay yeah I wasn't sure but just chalked it up to that

Have you ever registered to vote? That’s usually where they get it from.

I’ve been registered to vote since I was 18 and have never got jury duty. Maybe it’s different in Canada. Maybe I’m too random lol.

They don’t ask if we are of sound mind here....I’m thinking I might call and find out what they think about it.

No. I dont vote

Yeah idk how it works in Canada could be drivers license?

That might be good. Here it's the first question on the impaneling.

We do impaneling online before going to the courthouse and it lets you know if you need to go still. Usually the judge has to look mine over and I get let off.

Well I don’t have my full licence but I have a learners.

Anyway my parents both never got jury duty either.

Not enough crime in Canada for court cases lmao. I kid.

Yeah I called and it was just an automated line and they said they needed a doctors note on letterhead....honestly it a pain to get that I may just go in and explain it during the process at the court....I’ve gotten off before because my sister committed a crime and they don’t want certain things circled on the back of the form.

That's why then, they usually only call on people who are registered voters. Even then it's totally random. Many people never get called in.

My doctor wrote a letter when I got called in so they have that on file.

I played my Arkham Horror living card game/rpg. I bought it like 6 months ago but never got around to playing. I had played it with a friend and enjoyed it so bought myself a set. You can play it single player if you want/need to. It was too complicated for me to deal with when I was dealing with psychosis but now that I'm better I'm able to play and enjoy it and understand fully what's going throughout the game.

I usually go to jury duty but since my work doesn't pay, I get excused.

I hope my sleep gets back to normal soon.

Slept 12 hours even on the lower dose of Zyprexa, I guess my body isn't used to the new dose yet.