Roll Call 156

Coke Zero is sold out. I got a Sprite Zero.

I still have this pain in my tongue and it spread to the throat. Going on 4 weeks now.

I have akathisia and I wish I could do some stretching exercises. Everything is bothering me.

Did you buy the cut and bake cookies today?

Have you been able to see a doctor about the pain?

No bf is having a problem with his toilet that I have fixed like a year ago on mine so I’m with him right now. Anyway can’t make it to the store until tomorrow. But I did have a Portillos burger for lunch so I’m so full that I don’t need cookies today anyway.

You'd think maybe they'd have orange or grape pop instead of 2 compartments of Coke Zero (it's only sold out because I'm drinking it). I had a regular Coke yesterday and I don't want to derail my diet with pop. I look slightly thinner already.

Oh yeah I’m also going to make sloppy joe sliders this week in the crockpot...saw them I think on pioneer woman.

Finished my Christmas list....kinda. it is just the beginning of my list and it had like 40 things I want. Mostly home decor. Like painting, poufs, etc.

Sent it to my mom with a message at the bottom that said "MORE TO COME..."

LOL

Took a shower. I'll probably be taking them everyday now since it feels good with the nice new showerhead. Feels more like self care than a chore now.

See my doctor (psych) and therapist Monday. Tuesday I can sign up for heating/electric assistance.

By the beginning of December I should have a decision sent to me in the mail for my tuition refund appeal (cause I withdrew for medical reasons in the spring). Hoping for good news.

It's fun decorating a new place

No, that's why it's been going on 4 weeks. This place will probably let me die before I ever see a doctor again. I'm having desperate thoughts about escaping back to my apartment before my friend clears it out totally. I think he's trying to do that by the new year.

I've been replacing my daily energy drink habit with a daily 1L bottle of coke.

As an addict, I can tell you that soda hits the spot not like euphoria but like.. Stops craving from other things and pain of things which I'm stressed about..

Coke has a lot going for it...sugar...caffeine and fizz I only have a tiny one like 8oz but it fills a lot of voids.

I know, I drank one or more large bottles of Coke everyday for over a year. And I was eating daily candy and stuff. I hope it's not going to take forever to lose weight. I've eliminated regular pop from daily use and I'm eating much less candy.

I want to get a bunch of nice smelling soaps, sprays, and lotions from Bath and Body Works. Love their products

It really is.

And taking a shower now is great too.

It feel like I'm under a natural jungle waterfall.

I went in there looking for bar soap and they didn’t have it. Luckily another store in the mall had organic based bar soaps in like gardenia and other scents. But I have to admit that sounds like a fun shopping trip. I pick up soaps as souvenirs now so I can remember the trip but not have permanent clutter.

Yes, I want a nice new shower gel. I'll have to go to the horrible drug store and try to pick one out. I'm tired of using the one they have here. But my face wash, which I love and I think it was discontinued, disappeared the last time someone "cleared up" my room.

I also feel like my life is better without calling my mom so much. This past week is a good example. I called her 3 times this past week. And instead of being on the phone for an hour each time. It was just 20 min or around there. Except for a little bit ago it was 30 min.

I'm so so so proud of myself.

I would like to announce that I'm feeling really good.

Just wish it wasn't cuz of the beta-phenyl-GABA...

I'm gonna tell my psychiatrist about it. She may or may not be happy.. Or tell my mom to take it away.. My mom always takes away my molecules...

I might take a cold shower. I only feel like taking cold showers on it.

20 minutes is still a long *** time. You shouldn't be proud of yourself. You should be miserable. I will make you miserable.

No jk ILY.. You've done well with your life like crazy. You are a perfect example that life can get better with schiz. It's best not to talk to your mom cuz she has bpd or something.. Or she just loves you a lot idk..

Have you read pihkal.....I think it’s right up your alley.

I've heard of it! lol I'm putting it on my list =]

I feel guilty for eating dinner

I should have waited to go to the restaurant but I ate clam chowder.. I was hungry..

Hunger is like the hardest addiction to control.. our brains say "I want dopamine" then send signals to the brain stem (Promative brain for hunger, reproduction, breathing, water, etc) to MAKE you eat.

There' no stopping the brain stem. If you want to lose weight, then limit food just a tiny bit.. 3 or however meals you want a day.. exercise, mental stimulation, etc..

No need to feel guilty. It's the brain stems fault.

I am losing weight and eating healthy for the most part, I've just been struggling with wanting to

Not sure what triggers the thoughts/obsessions to come back, it just happens sometimes