Roll Call 167 :)

I spend a lot of time trying to fit in and to be like everyone else, but then when someone sees me like everyone else, then something inside of me is sad because not everyone else goes through Mental Illness and stuff like that. So then I'm like dang it! Not that I'm special in any way but IDK, I can't be like everyone else either. Sigh.

Same! Same! Same!

I did manage to make it through the weekend without the hospital even though I was hearing voices telling me to die.

Getting lab work done tomorrow, in the interim my doc put me on 120mg of Geodon, 40mg in the morning and 80mg at night.

Dr Pepper is the best

Sorry you’re having such nasty voices right now.....

I’m basically back to square one with my medicines. Not enough so I go up. Too much cuz I’m sleeping and there’s nothing in between the doses.

I’ve literally tried every AP on the FDA approved list except clozapine (I cant due to some underlying health issue or something. Was told that years ago). Plus niacin, sarcosine, b3 and a load of other stuff. Meds either don’t work at all or the side effects are not able to be lived with.

It’s so disappointing and just reiterates the fact that I have schizophrenia which id rather sometimes not think about. I’m one of those few people that will always live with voices going on in the background and will have to take meds to keep them in the background. They never go away and I think that’s what people don’t understand. The delusions go away but then they come back under high stress and they been coming back.

I keep having this thought that I did when I was real sick, about people not telling me the worlds secret idk. And with this racial stuff going on I’m getting slightly delusional, I hope, about what could happen to me. My own dad says not to live in fear, hes black, but idk.

I'm about to whoop some kid's asses... Oh I'm about to whoop some kid's ***. If they don't leave m alone... I'm gonna send them home... Oh I'm about to whoop some kid's asses.

My mom called. Acting all weird and upset at my sister due to each other not calling each other for weeks. Then she started bashing my sisters husband. Sayjng “well I hope they got to use that Triple A I paid for, for them, because (name of husband) surely doesn’t have it”.

I’m done with that bs.

Do what I did with my dads side of the family... delete them all. Especially facebook.

I don’t have them on Facebook. At least not my mom and her husband. My sister isn’t the issue. It’s my mom. Stupid stuff my mom holds grudges over. This particular is serious but just fckn talk to your daughter. Jesus Christ.

I was mainly talking about your mom. I had my dad and my stepmom complain about each of my siblings. Talk to them and not to the other kid.

I'm able to know how to write songs perfectly when I'm in hypnosis between wake-sleep and sleep-wake.

I rarely get hypnopompic and hypnagogic hallucinations anymore. When the zopiclone (Hypnotic) kicks in, my thoughts are lyrical, dreamy and then I can see really good lyrics and create them when I close my eyes.

I've heard really good songs that don't exist in my dreams.

Remember to take it with food!

Hey Newtus. In 2015 they changed the clozapine system so that people with Benign Ethnic Neutropenia can go on the med. Ppl who are either black or mixed have this at a very high rate.

So it's very possible you could go on clozapine if that was the health issue.

Oh, you just made me laugh...

They took all the giant ashtrays and a chair away off the patio. I'm getting really scared that they've cancelled smoking forever. I want my vape.

I sat in the lobby for awhile in the afternoon. With a mask on of course.

Awesome, Blue. Good job!!!!

Get a leopard one, they're cute.

What is a paleta?

You just described every commmunication ever with my ex.

You are extraordinarily special, Kit!!

It’s Spanish for ice cream

Sorry. So, what's the antipyschotic situation with you right now? Do you need to make a change? Trilafon has really tamped down months and months of badass voices and stuff for me.

Thank you, I will look into this. I think my doctor doesn’t want me on clozapine tho. I will look into it still, thank you!