Roll Call 172

I take 300mg a day

work well for you?

I take about 675 mg a day with clozapine.

Yeah it works for me. I used to be on 500mg a day but when I gave up smoking they lowered my dose.

Does it work for you?

Slowly but surely. My main issue now is anxiety about dying and being scared to get in a car with anyone anymore because I saw the grim reaper a few days ago.

Sorry to hear that, I hope you find some relief soon. This is probably a stupid question but have you tried any distraction techniques.

im worried that I'll have to stop this medication for side effects adn have no other options

Hopefully the side effects become bearable for you. The one side effect I hate is the excess saliva mainly when I sleep. My pillows are soaking wet in the morning.

Music mainly. Talking to people about it. Drawing sometimes.

I get sedation, constipation, and night drooling.

I can handle those, just not akathisia.

I know I sound like a broken record right now. Anxiety sucks. Depression sucks. Schizophrenia sucks. I’m scared of my own existence and my ultimate ending. I want to have a piece of mind that’s all. Grounding skills... reality checking... telling the voices they’re wrong...my existence is a horror movie. I see demons lingering... spirits, mainly children, lingering too singing ring around the roses. In the hospital there was writings on the wall with blood that said die. Once looked to the mirror and saw my face deteriorate into a skull like figure. If I’m not seeing figures I’m in my head with the consent blabbing and insults to try to make me feel bad about myself and do things I don’t want to do. I’m crazy. A bit touched. But I don’t want to linger in self pity because there are those who had it worse. My mental state has decreased a lot for about 11 years... rapidly. I hope clozapine helps out.

God I’m having constant loud auditory hallucinations chattering tonight and it’s hard to sleep because of it, it sounds like a whole audience is screaming and talking all at once

I need to meditate but I can't. I just want excitement, ecstasy, meaning, experience, intellectual stimulation, spirituality, or death idk

Of course I deleted those posts. It makes me sick. I make myself sick.

My heart OCD has probably decreased by 50% this past month

Morning

I took my metformin

really kinda scared for side effects

No side effects so far

Having side effects

Woke up in pain.....think I might have an ovarian cyst again...

Oh no. What’s going on?

Just abdominal pain...seems to have gone away for now though....I have pcos though so sometimes this kinda thing happens......

Yet again, for the millionth time. Having trouble with school. I feel like WastingAsparagus a bit (I mean no offence. Just relatableness).

College is...great. Do I go or do I not go? What holds me back is the price even tho I get pell grants for most of my schooling cost. What holds me back next is the time it takes. But if I don’t do it now, it’ll never be done. At this point I have settled on my dream major. That’s the most I can comprehend in this decision. Not comprehend but idk. Stuff like this, like college, is a major decision and idk what to do anymore. I can’t help but listen to others. Idk. Some people around me say I should not go at all. Some say go.

The HES would take forever to do just cuz their classes are a full 16 weeks compared to other online college campuses.

It’s either Asu or HES. If it’s about cost and time then it’s Asu. If it’s about quality, it’s HES.

Hope u continue to feel better

Did you place into HES then?