Roll Call 173

Yes late happy birthday!

I was too panicked to say it

Thank you.

Phoned my therapist so I can see a psychiatrist. My meds seem to be very good except for the stimulant not lasting long enough. I see my doctor tomorrow to get refills and talk about my dissociative panic attacks.

Here's the meds I'm on now;

Invega Sustenna 150mg every 3 weeks (I get this on Friday)
Olanzepine 5mg at night
Vyvanse 50mg every morning
Atenolol 50mg every 12 hours
Zopiclone 7.5mg every night

So that's basically it. 5 psych meds + 2 acne meds (Minocycline 100mg and clindamycin cream every morning).

I take Vitamin C, D and a fish oil every morning.

I take alprazolam for panic attacks unprescribed + Ket if I need to disconnect from my thoughts (But the panic attacks seem to be doing that naturally).

Phenibut is tapered to 200mg. I drink a coffee every morning and chew nicotine gum.

That's it... I'm doing very good..

I feel really really clear minded today - I don't know why. Like it's incredibly clear. I only feel this way sometimes - It definitely has something to do with the morning coffee.

I didn't take an olanzepine last night. I might only take it PRN again or lower the dose to 2.5mg (Half).

Awesome....enjoy!

I bought a 25ft HDMI cable on Amazon so I can lie back with my computer hooked up to my TV =]

Nice!!!!

Got done with PHP at 3 and started cleaning. did the dishes, wash dirty clothes and pick up trash that we left around. feeling accomplished

Feeling really bad mentally. I keep thinking negative things about myself. My appearance, my weight, my being out of shape, my teeth being messed up from bulimia and have zero social skills whatsoever, don’t know how to make friends. Just really low self esteem right now.

Wish I had alcohol in the house. To just loosen up. Probably not a good idea though.

I feel the same way lately. Try to remember that it’s just sweet sweet depression lies

I feel so agitated I wish I could punch a hole in the wall and paranoid.

Could you take a med? Hugs

Yeah I have klonopin but I took some yesterday due to that bad panic attack. I mean, I can technically take it up to 2 times a day I just use it very sparingly (once or twice a month for example) and am never sure if I should take it or not

Well I just went ahead and took one

I didn’t get much sleep last night so that could be why I feel so bad today

There's no need for you to worry - Many people get agitated about "Oh fack I need to lose weight" or "My car payment is.. drafted?" - Idk about finance I'm a dependent adult.. You should put your frustrations into drawing! I wish I could draw..

If I had a desk, I'd draw for sure - Buy art supplies.. I remember drawing things in the house when I was 12.. I was realllyy talented at it.. Oh well...

“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi

I love this quote @ BB..

Could be an agitated mania/depression.. Enjoy the clonazepam for now.. Chill watch something good on Netflix now that you're on it..

Today has been a really good productive day for my environment. I woke up and got out of bed before I took the Vyvanse (I've only did that like twice this year), did chores and then spent 2 hours organizing my room so I could put the TV closer to my laptop - Cuz where I had it was non-aesthetic and horrible..

I'm telling you guys that my environment is killing my soul sometimes. If I had a gaming/computer room like Newtus, that would be awesome. Maybe when I move to the island, I'll have a better living area where I'll be more comfortable.

Things are good. Praying that I don't have another panic attack when the Vyvanse wears off.

My therapist phoned back and is waiting for a call back from my psychiatrist. If she doesn't call back, I'll have no psychiatrist and just my doctor to monitor me. If he chooses, he can set me up with a new psychiatrist or deal with me himself.

I want my meds to stay the same basically. They're good. I get my injection on Friday.

I think st Francis is the patron saint of animals. He protects animals of all kinds.

Thanks, St Francis is one of my favorite saints

Today is getting to me. I feel like music is sending me messages but I can’t make them out.

I actually am planning on getting back into drawing, I used to do it a lot. I added it into my planner for me to work on tuesdays and thursdays , it’s a good mindfulness and creative activity

Christmas is coming!!!