Roll Call 173

You're not whining. These are hard things to deal with!

Does anyone here practice meditation regularly? I have practiced meditation regularly for like the past 5-6 years and I believe it has helped me a lot. I know that it's not a panacea, and I'm not suggesting it as the only treatment that helps, but I have found it to be something that helps me considerably.

Idk. He doesn't want to look bad I guess. That's why I'm gonna get a psychiatrist again.

I had a severe panic attack 2 hours ago. It faded with 4mg of alprazolam. I shouldn't have taken the extra Vyvanse - which is double the dose of a 5mg Dexedrine tablet that would last 4-6 hours instead of 9-10 hours.

scared meds are poison

I actually had a similar concern last night. I ended up taking mine, but I understand what you're feeling.

There's alllawayyss a rainbowww afterr r it rains

I decided to smoke weed after my panic attack. Helps a lot with benzo.

I should just take what my doctor prescribes but most don't they drink alcohol, pop a percocet, take an extra benzo, an extra stimulant, take more opioids than they need to, extra coffee, cigarettes.. idk.. Relationships? Those are one hard substances

I told my mom where all of my meds and stuff are. I needed to be honest because it was giving me anxiety.

She said that she doesn't worry about me as much because I'm older now and able to make better decisions - And it's true.

But god damn I'm sick of the panic attacks - And I did it to myself by taking an extra vyvanse.

I told her if I need to ever go to the hospital to not to take me there because it's just an anxiety thought where I'd go to the ER and feel safe because they'd check that there's nothing wrong with me - Also, being in the ER makes me feel insignificant to all of the people that actually need help and is very uncomfortable to me because they check all of my meds (Something that I can't really keep track of off the top of my head, etc)...

Things turn out for the better. Remember, a depersonalized/derealized panic attack means you're growing mentally. It WILL pass and you'll feel much better - Even if it happens multiple times a week. Eventually, it becomes less and less (As long as you're not stupid like me and not take your meds as your supposed to - Which can take a long time to get the right adjustment but keep fighting).

Yeah I meditate almost everyday

Morning

In a decent mood cuz I see I’m losing some more weight. It’s really, really slow but it’s there.

I woke up super early because I was expecting Orkin to come between 8 and 10 to inspect but nobody has showed up yet, at least not to my apartment. Idk if they're in the building or not.

My sister is ordering these stickers for my planner

Planner Essentials Mini Stickers Seasons, 578 Stickers - Walmart.com - Walmart.com

At work. Feeling disconnected. Listening to music helps a lot.

I need therapy but I had to cancel for tomorrow. I can’t afford it and I still owe her money for 2 sessions.

Hugs, Angelique.

Yeah. Sudden.

Minimum of twenty minutes a day.

Just calmly tell him what exactly what is happening to your mood in the afternoons almost every day. To your sick brain. We all know and none of us is the fracking pdoc. Calmly tell him prefrontal catecholamine help due to Vyvanse helps you greatly in staying out of suicidality and depresion tell him. Write it down if need be, so if he interrupts u, u do not lose your train of thought.

If he still refuses, find a new pdoc. I believe in you, Des. I believe u can take it bid without abusing it. Do not let him fack u up.

I know Adderall is widely available via other means. If he refusesto help u AND u cannot get a gd pdoc due to Canada's provider shortage, why no t get Adderall or Vyvanse from this other source annd add a second dose yourself.

When my pdoc started not helping w SI enough, I obtained an NMDA antagonist that works and saved my own freaking life.

I assure u they are not, falcs. You are safe.

Feeling lonely af

Sorry I missed your birthday @Angelique67 Hope you had a good one!

Feeling okay today. Kind of bored because I am at work but I would be bored at home too so I guess that doesn't matter! lol! Half day today anyway, less than 2 hours left.

I'm kind of in a benzo aftermath fog - I hated that panic attack. It was terrible.

On to a new day though..

Thank you!