Roll Call 176

I worry about my Mom sometimes.

I'm glad you can be yourself, I'm proud of you.

Okay. Took my saving out of PayPal. If tomorrow it’s already in my local bank account then I will go to the hospital. Hopefully it’s there tomorrow. My headache is unbearable. Endo messed up with my hormones too so I’ve been feeling stressed.

It’s 5 AM now, I will eat something probably being full will help me to fall asleep.

12AM I hope the money is there tomorrow so you can go to the hospital. I hope you can fall asleep and that it brings you some relief. HUGS Kit

I shopped online today at Target.com for some toys for the children at my Church that I am sponsoring for Christmas. SO MUCH FUN! Goodness, they have SUCH cool toys nowadays. I wish they had some of these when I was young.

Might go grocery shopping tonight so I don't have to do it this weekend. We'll see how cold it is when I get off of work.

Panic attack......

Oh No!!!!! I'm so sorry. Those are terrible!!!!! I still remember my last one. They are like traumatizing! Luckily I don't get them often but they are terrible. Try to breathe in and out slowly in through your nose and out through your mouth. Hang in there Sweetiepie!

Thank you Yeah, they're scary, I could take my klonopin, but Idk

Do you know what triggered it?

Yes, fear of getting kicked out and that my apartment is a total wreck and that I don't fit in here

I get a panic attack and its traumatizing :/
And it knocks me down..
But I get right back up again!

Oh and choking on a noodle when I was eating dinner

I don't know if I'll ever get over that fear of choking, it's really limited the food I feel comfortable eating, the list of what I can't eat keeps growing

I am not feeling particularly bad today. That is good. I am glad about that. I hope everyone is having a decent day.

My stomach has been hurting all day

Me too. I've had a nagging headache for almost 2 weeks now.

I take my pills and I'm happy all the time

....

We take strange things to feel normal..

Charging my headphones, it won't be much longer to wait. I'm hungry again and they don't bring me snacks anymore. I have massive quantities of peanut butter and I'll have to eat that.

This week I'm feeling strongly that I want to go home. But I feel like I can't because if I get free from my committal my family might have to support me for who knows how long.

And of course, my friend.

So far, I think they are allowing visits outside with an appointment. I should find out about that. Still can't touch and have to both wear masks. Sit 6 feet apart.

Time 2 sleep. Gonna take a full zopiclone tonight to get rid of residual stimulation from d-amph adrenaline metabolites. The phenibut will put me in a deep sleep like last night - I had a dream that lasted hours it seemed.. I'll take 1g before I go skiing tomorrow - It will be awesome! I'm going up to the mountain at noon.

Reality seems to be getting weirder for me every day.

I don't feel as good as I did last night - Just ok. But I'm very aware in my perception of things.. I basically live inside of my imagination.

The big change in my life is coming within the next few days-weeks. That's what I believe. I also believe that everyone else in my life will also have something positive happen.

Night!

The apartment complex is giving out meals in takeout containers on the 20th, they'll deliver them to our doors. We got a list that we can choose from.
I choose:
Turkey
Stuffing
Mac and cheese
Mashed potatoes
Gravy
Green beans and carrots
Cranberry sauce
Chocolate cake
and soda or juice

I'm gonna do my best to eat everything and enjoy it and not get anxious

Plus our Thanksgiving baskets will be delivered on the 23rd. So I can make my own thanksgiving dinner

I think I’m depressed, which is why I haven’t been sleeping at night but sleeping all day. Not eating much. No energy whatsoever. I just want to lay in bed all day.

I think this has to do with the baby issue.

Like one of my previous coworkers just had a baby like two weeks ago. Fiancé’s family friend just had twins last night. And Fiancé’s best friends wife just went to labor like a few minutes ago. One of my other coworkers it from the past job is pregnant they found out they were pregnant like a week ago. And some other people that I don't know very well. They are in a similar situation. With the babies I mean.

Not going skiing today but I'll be going when I get back from vacation,...

I’m going to the hospital in a few hours (this morning). I took meds early but can’t sleep yet. Maybe I’ll stay up so I won’t miss it.