Roll Call 176

Been busy at work today. I paid some bills. I did some training. I wrote five policy and procedures and now I'm exhausted! I still have to go home and pack! I'm going to my sister's this weekend. My nephew is turning 13. I can't believe he's going to be a man in a couple of days! What happened to my little boy?!!

Took Esther to the vet last night. I was really afraid it was going to be her kidneys. Turns out she has a super bad infection. Her white blood cell count was more than double what it should be. They did a bunch of tests on her and gave her fluids because she was dehydrated. Then they gave her an antibiotic shot that is supposed to work for 14 days. (She's been on antibiotics twice in as many months but I don't think it's cleared up the infection. So I am hoping this does.) They sent us home with two medications for her. I'm trying to get the results from one of her tests that she had done but they said they just got the results an hour ago and the doctor is on a break and yada yada yada. Excuses, excuses. They don't know what caused the infection but I think it is her bladder which is what was infected before. I think her bladder keeps getting infected and her body is trying to fight the infection but the infection is so strong it weakens her.

Washed my hair with clarifying shampoo Monday and Wednesday. It does seem to help my hair not be as oily but my hair is really flat now. I don't know what to think.

Hopefully the antibiotics work this time. *fingers crossed*

Thanks Unsure!

My cat's vet test came back a bit high. So we have to give her more insulin than we have been giving her. It's like borderline fair but they want to recheck her next week. I'm glad she is getting some more care though because I want to do the best I can for her.

Have a call into new pdoc. Depressed today.

All your guys crafting and painting looked cool so I bought one of those diamond painting kits .....it’s for kids but a cute fox

Probably we should have a thread to post our arts, maybe that will motivate others to do things that make them happy. I think we had one but couldn’t find it. A fresh new start would be nice too.

You should make one! I’d definitely post in it

What better time to get all into arts and crafts and stuff than during a pandemic where you’re supposed to stay home lol

Okay, I’ll make one tomorrow

I found out my dad is living with lots of items in his house that doesn’t work. His dishwasher is broken and one of his bathrooms is not very usable. Just maybe the toilet.

Also His house is on bricks and I saw that the bricks are on a T. Like the cement brick is there, then wood across the top of the cement, and makes a T. And the left side of the T, the wood there, is under the deck and the wood that makes the other side of the T, is under the house!

So the house is literally being support by like 4x6 or whatever in that spot.

My heart is broken

Have you ever thought of combining resources with your dad and moving into one house? Its not for everyone but it works for some....

I'm doing really good right now. I'm learning tips from Jim Kwik.

I made a morning routine and later will make a before bed one. I filled out a page of what I want to do tomorrow. There's so much more that I can do but I'm taking a break.

I'm basically apathetic to the news right now. I don't care anymore in the slightest. I know crime will increase and disasters will happen - It's always been like that anyways depending on the area. Now it's just a wider area.

My main goal is to prevent my mind from deteriorating - Also to have spontaneous ideas and insights like I had last year.

I get my injection tomorrow and see my doctor. He'll be happy that I'm doing all of these things and have a new philosophical perspective - To be grateful, optimistic and apathetic.

I believe that posting here has really helped me over the years. I've become much better as a person...

I'm kind of pushing myself because I burned out this year with dissociative panic attacks but they aren't happening anymore as long as I take the 10mg of olanzepine every evening.

Yea I have, but I would like it to be a new house. I have talked to Dustin about it before and he seems ok with it but my dad seems as if he wants to stay in his house which is hard to fathom why he wants to but you know how older people are.

Exercised on the bike for 5 minutes lol. I would do more if I didn't have such bad cardiophobia. I'll try and do 5-10 minutes a day - It's better than nothing.

I should do it every morning after I wake up!

Edit: The adrenaline killed my focus.. Afraid of dp/dr now.. But the olanzepine will kick in.. I can't focus on the lyrics in music. I'll meditate now and see if that helps..

Is that’s what it’s called? Cardiophobia? I have that along with hypochondria. I think I’m dying every 20 min due to something different and first thing I do is check my heart rate.

This! I found this YouTube video on reddit. I now have a more clarified understanding on meditation.

Breathing out is a relax like falling into a nice bed and then breathing in is like falling even further, hold, then fall (Breath out) again.

Powerful.

Sorry guys I know I'm spamming Roll Call xd

I thought I got that name from you. I used to call it "Heart paranoia" or what my mom was diagnosed with decades ago called "Hyperawareness of the heart syndrome".

At least you didn't abuse stimulants so the electric activity of your heart should be ok. If heart disease runs in your family, you have a decade to fix that and the best thing for it is exercise and eating healthy.

I often impulsively buy sugary things like pop, chocolate, candy, etc.. But everything else is healthy - Vegetables, .. I even go into phases of wanting to do keto, fasting, etc... Water is very important.

You can do anything you want in life - Snort coke, steal peoples jewellery, throw babies out the window - But make sure you don't drink TAP WATER.

I used to check my pulse 300 times a day. Now it's only 10-20 times a day because of the atenolol. I remember the first time I saw my current doctor;

I came in anxious as hell and panicking saying "The last doctor I saw in this clinic said that it's all in my head" and I told him about having to lie down on the floor at work and check my pulse because it's slower when lying down. He checked it and it was 106bpm. He prescribed atenolol and I remember 40 minutes after first taking it - The pain, intense suffering and anguish went away better than benzos.. My heart slowed a little..

The heart OCD started after my bad trip. All of my OCD thoughts were compacted like the singularity of a black hole into checking my pulse through my ribs. For 3 years, that was the only OCD I had left.. Checking the pulse..

Anyways it's all good though now.. You'll never get that bad. It would take decades of neuroplasticity without the quick neurogenesis of psilocin.

I didn't mean to make this post so long. I would give you some advice Newtus but I'm not even sure what to do about myself.. So far I'm getting better.. One step at a time - You're anxious but you have good ways of dealing with it. You're a creative genius.

I had a dentist appointment today. I am not sure how I feel about that. I am willing to bet the slight cold symptoms I am having now are from that.

I'm doing fine today. My pdoc called me back. That is good because I like it when they are responsive.

I couldn't take it anymore -- I had to take the extra Effexor.

Oh and the dentist billed me a ridiculous amount today. Because of X-rays and whatnot. I don't have dental insurance. So.

I just played the guitar about an hour. It was nice. I feel a lot better now.

What kind of music do you play?

Anything really. I specialize in indie rock, blues, and kind of soft stuff.