Roll Call 186

I'm exhausted but can't fall asleep, figures. I'm gonna watch my shows on Netflix for a bit then try again later

Been doing awful these last few days....should hear back from my doc tomorrow.

Hugs falcon.......

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I’m literally so overwhelmed by everything like everything and I mean everything

Can't really remember what I set out to do this morning. Oh well.

I have a literally got so much to do, and I don’t know where to start, but I did start some things like calling my doctor about pills versus injections, called to get an eye exam, call to get a dental appointment, that’s it for that.

I need to run down the analytics of my business, and I need to do a whole bunch of stuff on social media today, and I need to write today.

*sigh*

And I need to work on paying off my debt like starting now which I put like two dollars towards my debt which means nothing but oh well that’s what I have.

And I need to get blood work done for my doctor.

And my mom wants to talk to me about taking over the family business just in case something happens to her.

I need a circle around and check back on my dad today before he goes to work.

I feel extremely overwhelmed and I feel so rundown mentally that I feel rundown physically too.

It doesn’t all have to happen today.

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I have a really bad headache

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I smoked meth while tripping on acid. It was not fun lol

Done work for the week ^-; I have 3 days off.

Pretty picture of the butterfly and flower SP. This was from a few pages ago. I'm just getting caught up. I liked the picture a lot. I think I'm more left brained because I tend to be analytical. What do you think SP? I saw you were analyzing people!

I have therapy tonight. I am out of practice. It's been 7 weeks. So much has happened. And plus I'm taking a trip to my sister's this week/weekend so that's anxiety provoking. I'm glad I got a motel room so I could go off by myself if I want to and not be stuck at her friend's place. I don't really know what to talk about with my T. I'm so out of practice. I don't really remember what he looks like, If someone asked, I'd say bland. But that's about it. Like his shirts aren't crisp white. Kind of dingy white. It's okay. It's just bland. He's not a sharp dresser. I remember his voice is pretty relaxing. Like I could probably fall asleep listening to him. I don't know what to talk about. I'm getting really nervous about my session.

New cat Helen is doing great. She plays rough though. My hands are all bitten up and scratched up from where she has "gotten" me. I think she has settled in. Amelia is still scared of Helen. So we don't see much of Amelia anymore. It's really sad. I keep praying that she will come back and be my kitty cat like she was when we had Esther. I got Amelia a GPS collar and she goes all over the place. Even into our neighbor's houses! I haven't been in our neighbor's houses but my cat has been! She crosses the street so many times. It's scary.

Yeah. I bet that feels good. I have a short week this week. I work Monday through Wednesday and then I'm off for four days. I'll be at my sister's though and then in Monterrey at the Aquarium.

HUGS Blue_Bird

Just got a 5lb jar of peanut butter

That’s what’s up

All Bitcoin traders are confused rn

Getting my hair cut next week. Nervous cuz I haven’t had it cut in 4 years. Getting a trendy mullet.

It's so hard to gauge whether or not I need Klonopin. I go down on it by a little bit and I'm overcome with anxiety basically. So it's hard to know whether I need it.

Edit: I'm trying to go down on it still. I still think it's worth going down on and eventually being able to take it PRN.

Nvm that. I just think my psychiatrist is being tricky. He keeps saying that going down on Klonopin would make me feel better. I am so frustrated with him! He doesn't know whether it would make me feel better or not! Better on what scale?

Also no one trusts me anymore. I have changed my mind so many times on different things. I don't even think my parents trust me anymore.

"Aboulomania (from Greek a– 'without', and boulē 'will') is a mental disorder in which the patient displays pathological indecisiveness. It is typically associated with anxiety, stress, depression, and mental anguish, and can severely affect one's ability to function socially."

"Psychotherapy (a type of counseling) is the main method of treatment for aboulomania. The goal of therapy is to help the person with aboulomania become more active and independent, and to learn to form healthy relationships."

Well I know my current psychiatrist definitely doesn't help me with that.

"How long after quitting weed does motivation improve?

- 2 days to 1 Week After Quitting

Brain receptors, which regulate neurological processes like pleasure, motivation, learning, memory, fine motor control, and more, start to return to normal function."

Well christ...