Roll Call 186

Great work on the your new story, Newt! I just reviewed it on Amazon. = ) Ill share on Facebook when it's approved <3

Omg thank youuuuu

There's nothing that I like doing. My brain is just a bunch of scrambled eggs. There's no reason..

I want to seek truth maybe + Awe at when I feel good, come up with insights - And to live + experience. But there's always a war inside my head. I think it's from the general trauma of my life - Things don't feel real to me. And I'm an idealist so I don't really care.

Eh I suppose I'll look into the cryptos again..

First I'll finish reading "Be Here Now" by Ram Dass and then read a cryptography book or do a course. Then I'll start familiarizing myself with money, the world, economy.. I already look at conspiracies - From what I can tell, it's baaad. Pollution, corruption, AI technology, brainwashing, virus, etc..

It's just.. too much man

I'm afraid of psychosis. I feel a little different. I'll lay off of the plant for a while.

Edit: I get the Invega Trinza injection on the 30th. To be fair, I like paliperidone cuz it has zero side effects.

My therapist is gonna start meeting with me in person next month!! I haven't seen him in person in a year and a half. he said well be outside

I'm gonna try and go completely without drugs starting tonight. I don't think I can do the things I want with such a cloudy mind and trying to numb of pain. I have decided...

Edit: The only reason is that I've become awakened, more spiritual and know much more than I did when I was younger. I understand what life is in some way through many years of trying to understand existence - That where I am now is the present moment.

You might benefit from the book whole brain living....it tells you about the different parts of you brain and what they do....the key is balance between them. So left brain is really logical and driven where as the lower left Brain is filled with fear and anxiety. Right brain is spiritual and lower right is emotional as far as joy. I feel like you’re very upper right brain but looking for the joy from the lower right brain. Once you distinguish them you can use other parts of your brain to help the parts that are struggling. Like how do we achieve joy etc.

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Analyze me too Which part of brain do you think I use the most?

Lol...you’ve got a ton of right brain with the art but I feel like you’ve got balance with the left Brain too......

Analyzeee meeee

Just a thought... But do you ever read fiction? Perhaps it would help you get your mind off of things that are serious...


I just say that because recently I have started reading more fiction.

Whew. Read for 3 hours tonight

Sounds accurate to me

How do ya feel?

Pretty good I love reading, it makes me feel a lot better especially when I'm anxious or depressed.

I feel so happy at night

But must sleep cuz work in the morning

I talked to trippers again. Very pleasant end to my night.

I'll slowly keep it in my mind to drift towards that way.. As a kid, I wasn't serious like most, then became incredibly serious, then incredibly silly and now mostly serious again..

Lots of right brain creativity so upper right brain but you’re plagued by lower left Brain anxiety and fear. You need to use the rest of your brain to comfort that left Brain anxiety, something called a brain huddle.

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Ok now I’m really curious about this book

I got my second COVID shot on Thursday night and I started feeling unwell Friday afternoon. Took a half day off sick from work and spent rest of Friday and all of Saturday on the couch with a fever. Finally this morning it seems to be gone. Hopefully.

Because of lithium I can’t take Advil so I’m stuck with stupid Tylenol which barely works for me. Oh well. Feel better now.

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Now that I have a mixer I can try making dalgona coffee (whipped coffee)

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I posted a new profile picture on Facebook. I just took it a couple minutes ago. I feel really self conscious because I haven’t had my hair cut in like a year and I am not wearing makeup, haven’t had my eyebrows done in quite some time, etc am basically just chilling in lounge clothes but I wanted a more recent photo since the last one was from winter.

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That little pinch of time between when you’re holding your meds in your hand and when your about to take them. You feel an existential crisis: “do I really need this?” “Are these gonna make me feel physically ill today?” “Will I feel good today mentally? I hope” etc.

Yup, I know the feeling.

It's a daily existential crisis for me. Sometimes multiple times per day.

I also obsess about drinking too much coffee. Honestly I don't really think I'm ever going to listen to my doctor about going down on coffee though. It brightens my mood too much to give up.