Roll Call 186

I got up to be at work at 9am and finished at 1pm. Then I went for a 90 minute hike by myself, went to the other house and took care of the cats.

I'm gonna exercise for 90-120 minutes every day to try and lower my resting heart rate.

I think my main problems right now are autism and ADHD. I have no symptoms of psychosis so I'm starting to doubt the whole thing. I remember being severely paranoid etc.. But listen..

I was in a really really ****ed up environment. Basically solitary confinement. Now things are much better. I listened to a podcast for an hour and I know that I just need to keep learning. The trip helped me etc..

I think the best way to quit a drug or any addictive thing is to be mindful about it.. To keep taking it with informed intent to stop. That's the whole harm-reduction movement. And that's what I've been doing..

I need to be informed and have knowledge.. Then I can make my decisions. What I want is to find peace first. I do like chaos.. But I think that has passed. Then I find prosperity within self.

Sorry Newtus, I hope you feel better soon

I'm trying to exercise more too and one of my goals is to lower my resting heart rate as well. I'm using Pokemon Go to help get me out and walking. I want to walk both outside and on the treadmill. Outside to get vitamin D and get out of the house, and the treadmill just to get in even more steps when I'm not outside

I have an apartment code enforcement inspection on August 20th. Nervous. They usually go well but it still makes me stressed.

That's quite a bit of exercise... I don't know, maybe start out smaller?

Meanwhile, I am still vacillating on my thesis topic. Argh! I want to do something related to philosophy, but I'm not sure.

Lol I hike 1-2 hours 1-2 times a week I think I'm ok to climb once a day. I will do it!! Am stubborn.. ^-;

You're good then!

I mean at the start of the season, I can barely get half way.. But my body adjusts quickly. Then at the end of the year we climb the kilometer high mountain!

My sister is bringing me some chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream this weekend! (chocolate ice cream with big chunks and swirls of peanut butter)

That sounds delish!!!

It really is, it's one of my favorites. I'm trying to eat healthier but I haven't had ice cream in so long, and it's summer and it's hot so it seems like the perfect time for some. Chocolate and peanut butter are meant to be together

Feeling content 2day but also bored

I feel content today as well.

What have you done in the past to combat boredom?

I also feel like somewhat stupid for taking 2 mg Klonopin today.

I want to get off of this stuff but it's hard when my anxiety is through the roof.

I usually just lie down and think.. I have a lot of thoughts. They're not as interesting as when I lowered the injection and was insufflating 5-15mg of psilacetin.

I have a fear of getting out of my comfort zone and going into unknown rabbit holes - But that's what I'm starting to do. I need to squeeze the juices out of my minimal creativity to find something to do - And so far it's getting better. I want to put more effort into my awareness but lying down and thinking/open awareness meditation is too easy. I feel already satisfied with my life - But I need to keep my mind active.. A little OCD is good - Keeps you repeating problem thoughts in the mind so you have something to say to other people when talking..

I just have to trust my ideas... Like whatever is in my mind, I Google or YouTube it.. Then it leads me places. Before, I'd search "What do people do on the internet?" and people often watch Netflix, YouTube, pursue their hobbies, reddit, news, etc.. I feel like once I'm familiar with something, I have to find new novelty.. An ADHD thing I guess.

I could be searching things on hacking forums, learning educational videos/TED talks/documentaries, conspiracies, philosophy - I only do something for max 1 hour before I switch...

So far I've gone into the occult? Psychedelics, history of the CIA, modern human psychology, neuroscience, politics, history.. I'm all over the place. Idk if anyone else in the world is this scatter brained =p

I keep 10x 0.25mg kpins in a bottle to carry it around in case I get a random dissociative panic attack. It happened a lot last year... 2-3 times it happened, I was in a restaurant. It was awful.

Oh music.. And music. I spend some time listening to music and staring off into space, thinking

I slept good last night. I think getting out and taking a walk during the day and also cleaning helped me sleep better. I also took a nap this morning, my legs are sore but that’s good because I’m trying to get into better shape

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Before the summers over I’m going to the park with my sister, it’s really nice there and there’s a lake, I’ll be sure to take some pics and post them on here and Facebook

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I have thought this before, but I think even more now that I’ve stopped it: I think vraylar was causing me gastrointestinal issues. It says it can cause gastritis…

I sat outside and read today. Here’s a picture of part of the courtyard

I sat outside for 30 minutes!

I decided to have the goal of working on an assignment today and now I look at the assignment I feel like I can't do it I'm going to fail.

I never know when to use the hug/thanks feature. But I can relate. I am supposed to be working on my thesis right now.

I made tofu

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