Roll Call 186

Idk if you're on Tapatalk, I think you usually are so you can't see hugs but I put a hug reaction on your post

Oooh thank you so much. If you guys “thank” it, that’s tapatalks only reaction thingy so I’ll know I’ve been acknowledged or hugged or anything. I appreciate it so kind of you

Haha I was like “did no one want to read my post ”

My doctors advice these past 2-3 years can be summed down to "Stop being yourself" which kills my vibe. Both my mom and sister hate him and says he's a moron.

I meditated sitting in a chair for 5 minutes.. It's hard but I feel better.. 10 more minutes I'll do this..

It is 10 minutes later.. I did it.. I have a hell of a lot of thoughts.. They just keep going and going. I thought of a moment that made me mad but I just made a deep breath and moved onto the next thought..

I'm gonna do this regularly. I realize how I'm always constantly in the moment and that's OK. I decide which way to turn - To chaos/excitement and manifesting problems for myself, - Or to peace..

You can't find peace in excitement but you can find excitement in peace I think. I wondered - Should I go right or left? What if they're swapped? And so it twirls around itself and drops to the ground like a helicopter leaf.. The constant swirling.

+ Taking a look at myself.. "What do I need?", "Am I doing the right thing?", "Should I make my own opinions and decisions at the expense of others?", etc..

I wonder how a benzo is not needed when I am all there is.. I wondered how Alan Watts managed to get so much out of learning Eastern philosophy and Zen etc.. He must have just took the thing as a joke and learned from it immediately. He says to not take reality so seriously. Maybe that's genius idk.

I thought, "Must I find a teacher to show me the way?" - But they are all me.. Idk.. I am content at where I am now.. It's very OK - Because as I walked out of work today, there was a man and a woman that got out of their cars and started yelling at each other. The man in particular was having a meltdown and I thought, "Well it's a pandemic, excuse me while I get out of your way"...

But yeah.. I think meditation even for a few minutes can help with mental health - Just a reset. It must be great with psychedelics possibly too. It's like a natural jinx and when others look at it, they're like "He/she's just stupid! How can someone trick themselves into a belief system so easily?" - My opened mind, sir/ma'am...

And when people say "I don't have time to meditate", the response should be "Do you have time to breathe??"

I'm not very good at making goals.. I don't like goals.. But I'll meditate for 15 minutes every day - Especially after work.

Getting my Abilify injection tomorrow morning. Then when I get home I'll walk to Family Dollar to buy some food. After that I'll clean my apartment, and make some spaghetti for dinner

I've cut back on caffeine. I only had one cup of caffeinated coffee today. My anxiety skyrockets during PMS which is what I'm dealing with right now, so I have to cut back during that. I even noticed my anxiety spike a little bit after one cup of coffee, but I didn't want to not have any, because I'm used to having many cups a day and I don't want to deal with caffeine withdrawal

Hey everybody, I'm well, this month is going to be pretty crazy for me. I'm going to take a week off the beginning of September to read a good book and get some writing done. I had an event happen to me over this weekend, wasn't good but I'm back in business now. Learned a valuable lesson from a grave mistake.

Desoxyn, thanks for talking to me Saturday, that helped me out. = )

I'm going to go through some of my possessions and get rid of what I don't want or need anymore. I'm trying to be more minimalistic

I just closed my eyes for a split second and saw a vision of maggots. Now seeing spiders come out of my nose.

Got my abilify injection, now just waiting on my ride home

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My dreams are becoming horrible. I hate them so much. These dreams feel like I'm still awake and I'm hallucinating. My dreams are basically just cryptographic imaginations of my thoughts.

It's like I've run out of stuff to dream about. I should start reading fiction and poems or something to get out of this hell.

I'm exhausted. It's hot out and I walked a mile to family dollar then carried back like 20 something pounds of groceries. Cooling off in the AC right now. I can't wait till Fall and then Winter

I got some lemon poundcake!!

I always agonize about whether to go to the writing workshop I'm a part of. I am pretty sure I don't want to go today.

The more insane information that I absorb, the less psychosis I have.

That's interesting! Maybe I should try that!

I'm not sure I understand this... What kind of insane information? Just curious.

I feel quite tired.. I need..

I need to socialize or something

Practiced Oh Christmas Tree, Silent Night, and What Child is This on ukulele

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After over a week of anxiety attacks which had me throwing up daily, I was really exhausted yesterday so I just rested on the couch all day. I watched Flea Market Flip in the afternoon and evening. I also did a guided meditation in the afternoon.

I'm happy to report, no anxiety attack yesterday. Today is looking good, too, based on how I feel this morning. I continue to struggle with delusional intrusions which greatly increase the anxiety, but I've continued to keep the blinders on and haven't let them take over my mind.

As long as the anxiety stays in check today, I plan on practicing my drawing in the afternoon, then visiting with my family as is per usual on Wednesdays. (These visits are always good for my anxiety levels.) I'm hoping to have a calm day in which I can practice mindfulness and get some things done.

I hope you all have a peaceful day.

My artificial succulents are coming today

I finally vacuumed. I should save up and get a new vacuum eventually. I don’t like the one that came with my apartment. It’s huge and clunky/heavy. I want a slimmer lighter one.

I haven’t heard back from my care manager yet. She must be off this week or something. Hopefully sometime next week I find out about what she can do about helping me get into vocational rehabilitation

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I’m glad your anxiety has lessened

What kind of things do you draw? I used to draw a lot but haven’t in a long time.

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I got these tootsie roll caramel apple pops, they're apple flavored candy covered in caramel, my friend said they're really good, I haven't tried them yet but I bought some

I also got some pumpkin patch scented wax, I'm in the mood for everything autumn.

I can't wait till it's fall again. And the new Halloween movie (Halloween Kills) comes out on October 15th! So excited. I know it's awhile away but I'm still hyped

I’m feeling the fall vibes already too...maybe because I’m making crafts for three months out lol.

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