Roll Call 186

morning sickness?

I don't know why, but I've been tired the past couple of days. I slept in until 5:30 AM today and yesterday I slept in until 6:15 AM (I leave for work at 6:30 AM)! I could barely drag myself out of bed. At least tomorrow I can sleep in a little bit but I have a Zoom Religious study at 9 AM and then Sunday I have to be at Church by 8:45 AM. I almost called in today to go back to sleep but I didn't. I made myself come to work. Then I was done with my work after about 2 hours. I am waiting for some reports so I can do a little more work. But I'll probably get them late in the day and have to do them on Monday because that is my luck. Also I spent the morning trying to get a hold of our broker because our worker's comp is expiring at the end of the month and we need a quote so we can have insurance starting in September. Finally got a response that she's going to schedule a visit next week. So that's good, anyhow.

Oh yeah, I was having this weird distorted dream where I was getting married in a psych hospital. Talk about strange! I don't remember if I was marrying a patient or a doctor. I wanted to finish the dream kind of because it was sort of strange and for once I wasn't having a nightmare about the psych hospital. But of course when I fell back asleep I didn't fall back into the same dream.

Yes and headaches ugh

Growing a baby is hard work! You can do this mama! hang in there! here's wishing you feel better soon!

I've gotten quite a bit of work done today. Just working from home. It's kinda lonely but I feel productive at least.

Omg thank you so much 🥲

I like the hot days. Summer goes so fast. I wish this place had a swimming pool, it would be fantastic. I used to swim every morning when I was young, I miss it!

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Not me, I like Autumn. I can't wait. I just bought a cardigan with dinosaurs on it!

There are yellow watermelons if that’s what you mean?

I'm so hungry, but I already ate dinner. I can't stop thinking about food

I feel like I'm destined to just keep gaining weight. I'm 155 lbs and am trying to lose weight, get back down to around 130 lbs

I need to have better self-discipline

I know I'm not truly hungry because I'm only craving sweets, if I was truly hungry I'd be craving any kind of food. So I'm just going to drink water. I have to learn to distract myself from this or urge surf

I don’t think I’ve been sleeping enough. I like getting up early though.

I cleaned a bit, I guess my apartment doesn’t look too bad

Sorry don’t know why the pics always upload upside down

It looks great!!! May just be the pictures but your countertop looks very short to the ground like for a small person

Still very sick today with nausea and headache. Couldn’t sleep much but a few hours. Blah. So much to do this weekend. Then obgyn appt on Monday.

Thanks!! The countertops are a little above my waist, so I’m not sure if that’s normal height or not. But this apartment is technically designed for someone with a wheelchair, I’m not in one but this is the only apartment they had availble to offer me at the time and asked if I was okay with it, I said of course. I was so ready to get out of my last place with the raining ceiling due to my upstairs neighbors. 😠

I feel like crap, I’m still coughing a lot and didn’t get much sleep because I can’t seem to sleep more than 4-6 hours a night on abilify. And I just got my period.

I was going to get on the treadmill for 45 minutes today but I’m starting to reconsider that

Plus I'm on my 2nd day since stopping 8mg of perphenazine

I'm gonna see if my sister can bring me some Nyquil or something

I agreed to work a catering gig today (I'm usually off Saturday Sunday). It will be overtime so that's why I agreed. But now I'm up and just like ughhhh I don't wanna gooooooo

I might have to tell them I can't do the bingo thing this coming week if I'm still sick, we'll see how things go over the next couple days.

My sister can't bring me Nyquil or anything because she said she's on a trip or something for the weekend and not home.

Why does trying to lose weight with a history of an eating disorder have to be so complicated. I’m constantly questioning whether I’m eating enough due to fear of falling back into old habits and restricting too much, and feeling guilty when I do eat, and on top of that trying to lose weight.

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My doctor told me to stop reading self-help books later year and I just started reading at that time.

Why did he do that to me

I came up with a lot of insights about what was taken from me. I'm still quite depressed compared to my natural hypomanic state which happened yesterday.

Alcohol gives me euphoria now. I might use it as a reading tool - To care about myself. I've been through some really ****ed up **** but I can recover.

Nonsense! It's all nonsense.. So many conflicting thoughts.. Like a puzzle that I have to solve - But not right now, procrastination.. Learned helplessness. Where is the light? Many people turn to the spiritual. DMT can be used as a benzo for some.

But these antipsychotics are not ok.. I try to read - But I have so much anxiety AND A PROBLEM OF THAT - Is that I'm not sure what anxiety really is. I'm not sure what anything really is. I'm deprived of social interaction, validation, truth.. And there's so many things about me that are different from the rest.. I was compromised in the soul and mind.

And what now... I could explain so many things - But there's no use.. We fly across the galaxies - On that note, I want to see the stars, chill... Weed doesn't do anything. I'm a soul dipped in molten copper.

I can't just fix myself easily. No one can. No one knows exactly where they're going - What to do.. Or have a true goal. They all change. The true goals are incompatible with me WHY? Because I am supposed to be this way. I am nonsense and nonsense is all I'll ever be. People with a true goal are stagnant.. Forever stuck in the same place. Maybe that's my problem.. I always want change, excitement, chaos...