Roll Call 186

Hope you all feel better SP and SK

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@newtus how do I get the 200 tokens so I can read your chapters of your novella

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Nevermind, I figured it out

I'm up to episode 4 now, I really like it Newtus

Oh fack.. I tried to sleep last night after the 2nd Moderna shot and I was shivering with the chills.

Everywhere hurts and is inflamed lol.. I woke up at 2pm.

The sky is full of smoke from the forest fires. I can smell it inside the house.

HUGS Desoxyn hope you feel better soon and I hope you are safe from the fires! Scary. I live in So Cal so I know about fires. Although I live in the desert so the fires don't usually come here. But they go to the mountains that are about an hour from here. HUGS Kit

Do u really?! I’ll be writing 2 chapters a week at least!!! Thanks so much for supporting me

I feel like a massive massive failure

My doctor is putting me back on haldol injections. I attribute that to being really sick since when I was in them last I was in a major psychotic episode.

They wanna put me on the injections, do bloodwork, etc whole bunch of stuff

I broke down at my doctors and cried too in front of him. I never do that.

HUGS newtus

Yes I look forward to reading more

I will find the right man 4 you...

I just did 15 minutes of relaxation yoga, first time I've done yoga in many months

Sorry you're struggling, BB. A good cry can feel cathartic afterwards, to let it all out, and then afterwards, I start to think clearer after the sky clears my pain away.

Next time you go grocery shopping maybe you could make more easy meals that take less preparation? What is it about cooking you dislike? About once a week I just through in a frozen pizza and have that. Maybe you could have a couple cheat days like that? You could devote 1 day to prep a main course, and make a lot, that way you can put it all in plastic containers, 1 for each day, and boom, you'll have 5 servings and you can put them in the fridge for lunches and dinners. Spaghetti, Chili, meatloaf, pasta salad are my big meals I make in bulk. Then you when that's out of your way,

My boss makes this delucious but weird thing where he cooks a bunch of cheap ramen noodles, and then adds, scrambled eggs, a couple cans of corn hash beef, and a few veggies, and boom! Illa sk how he seasoned it. A huge dish, it was pretty good, I can get you the official recipe, he made it really quick. very cheap and filling

Cooking everyday sucks. There are more important things, like reading good books, the joy of videogames, and blog updates for me to read. = )

I use to exercise every other day, now with less dopamine, I've given up for years now, but I've convinced myself that the traces of a good book have a long term effect that will stay with me till old age. I like that you read books that make you self aware about your mental health, it when I do, I often feel uncomfortable, and thats when I know im making progress. = )

Do you have agoraphobia? I stay away from places that trigger that in me, made mental notes to steer clear from danger zones and since I've made those boundaries things have been much better for me. My radar has been off for a good year now.

You care so much that it gives you anxiety

What I do in these situations is I think about the conversations I'll have and write down a variety of topics to comfort me. This will be a good time to train your cats how to walk on a basketball while spinning plates with their noses.

Whatcha listening to on your run?

Men are a lot of trouble, best to stay away lol

Thank you so much for this Job! I do think I have agoraphobia. It seems to come and go over the years though, like I'll go through phases where I'm struggling with it then phases where I'm doing good in between and getting out without any problem. I talked to my therapist about it, and we're trying to work on it.

I do need to start cooking once or twice a week larger portions of food to put away for all the other days so I don't have to cook then, that's a good idea. I would love the recipe your boss makes with the ramen, that would be great I'm not sure why I don't cook much, I think it's just lack of motivation. And the cleaning up you have to do after cooking which is annoying. This is weird but I prefer baking to cooking, like I really enjoy baking cookies, cakes, (homemade mostly) etc and giving most of the food away to people but I don't really like cooking like on a stove even though I want to get better at it. Somehow cooking feels like a hassle and baking feels therapeutic. I'm not sure why.

The thing about exercise is I always feel better when I do it. I don't really do like hardcore workouts or anything, but I like to get on the treadmill and walk for 30 - 45 minutes sometimes. It's just getting out the door that's the hard part. And the ridiculous thing about it is the treadmill is in the ;laundry room, which is literally next door/down the hall to my apartment, and yet I still end up not going and doing it more often than I do it. I was in a phase where I was using it frequently but then my phobia of leaving the apartment got worse and I stopped doing it for the past month and a half.

I do love to read I always feel productive whenever I'm reading

I'm gonna make myself go grocery shopping tomorrow, I'm out of pretty much everything. So I kind of have to go whether I want to or not. I also need to remember to get sugar so I can finally bake those cookies I've been meaning to make the past 2 or 3 months. Chocolate chip w/ chopped walnut cookies. I can use my new electric hand mixer for the first time.

I started listening to classical music to fall asleep to. The past two nights I've fallen asleep to Vivaldi. Normally I can't sleep with music but with that I seem to be able to fall asleep easily

Watching some anime on Netflix and also The Originals, a spinoff series to The Vampire Diaries

Look into sheet pan suppers, it’s baking and cooking combined!

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The term for what I experience is technically called "Emotional Numbness" It took 9 years on expressing it to figure out the term lol It says I need professional help lol O Lawd i know that's true! Amen! I hope it's just PTSD. That would be best case scenario probably. But this website makes it sound like its a choice, as if I just forgot how to feel, that I chose to emotionally shut down.

If its PTSD i have to do a better job at unpacking my trauma, reliving it in safety so taht in the long run my body doesn't turn my mind into flight or fight mode. It literally is telling me I'm being attacked, and the triggers are pretty sad and still very real. I've been pretty good at managing them for a very short while now. I wonder if there's a certain amount of stimulus required for me to help unpack it.

"As we see it, the biggest distinction between love and fear is this: Love moves you toward something you want. Fear moves you away from something you don't want. Love is positive."

Identifying the Difference Between Paranoia and Anxiety

Someone with paranoid ideation will express beliefs that others are taking special notice of them or that another's behaviour is targeted toward them. Someone who is anxious might express more generalised beliefs, the danger to themselves and others.

I did not run... If I did I would have listened to Being and time by Heidegger though...