Roll Call 186

I'm looking forward to seeing my friend on Sunday. I haven't seen him in like 4 months or longer. We'll watch a movie probably and play some games. Should be fun. It will be good to be out of my apartment for a day. Plus I get to see his awesome cat again. He has a really cool cat named Poe. He's a super friendly kitty and is a lot of fun,

I’m gonna have a good productive day tomorrow! I am determined to get up, take the bus to the grocery store to do my food shopping, do laundry, take out the trash, cook some tofu for dinner, and clean the bathroom.

I know it doesn’t sound like much but it will be a big achievement for me because I haven’t left the house since last Friday and I haven’t done much of the things I need to do due to depressive symptoms reoccurring. But tomorrow I am going to be on top of things!

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Love heidegger. Also love descartes

I want to play live music again....

Or maybe it's just the mystique of it all...

I'm in the process of learning Oh Christmas Tree on the ukulele

I think my pdoc put me on injections to get stable quicker. Cuz the vraylar hasn’t worked for months. Idk I could be wrong.

My father keeps urging me to start looking for another dog and I'm just not ready too. (I haven't even gotten Lily's ashes back.) I keep telling him I will and then I don't. I guess I could look but not seriously as it will take awhile to find the right dog.

I have my T appointment this morning which is good as I woke up anxious after having a nightmare. I have a recurring theme in my nightmares of me having a test I've not studied for which I know is a common dream for people. For me I think its about how unprepared I was for life (from parental neglect). The dreams used to be so frightening I had to take meds for them.

I've been doing some beading this week and I'll probably do that today too. And I'll do a little drawing practice. Maybe run to the grocery store.

Hope everyone has a peaceful day

One of my brothers has caught covid. He's isolating in his bedroom at the moment. He's had his first jab but not the second but hopefully he'll be ok.

I’m waiting for the bus to come home from grocery shopping. A whole 1/2 gallon of milk leaked in my backpack and now it’s soaked. I had to throw the rest of the milk away. Now I’m just sitting here with my soaked bag waiting :/

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My flowers I bought from the grocery store yesterday. And my hello Kitty plushy’s I won from that claw machine game on iPad!!! It came in the mail! From China lol.

I did my run and listened to Heidegger.

Those flowers are gorgeous Newtus. That makes me want to get some for my apartment. I've never had fresh flowers in here before.

And the Hello Kitty plush is awesome!

Maybe I'll buy myself a thing of flowers next month for a reward for working on my agoraphobia and also getting through my apartment inspection.

I at least got out of the house today. I went grocery shopping. So I spent a lot of time waiting outside for the bus on the way there and the way back so I got a lot of sun. I also took some trash out to the dumpster. I feel pretty proud of myself. Tomorrow I'm gonna try to get myself to walk to the library to return some books and clean my apartment a bit.

They only cost 4.97 at Walmart! Very colorful summer flowers! Love them!

I'm going to the dentist next week for a cleaning and exam. I don't want to but I need to get it over with, it has to be done.

I feel agitated

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Stunned by how great Loki was, glad to see marvel putting this together, will be awesome. Are any of you guys watching it? Me and my friend have to fiture something else to watch now. We watched the Queen's Gambit and that was amazing too. I recommend it, the actress did a great job.

Slept horribily last night, and my boss is gone so me and the other crew leader have to run the show the best we can. Client seemed flustered today, those folk who work customer service jobs are amazing, I don't know how they do it all day. I avoid it as much as possible.

The way I lost my emotions, it was the manic switch, it wasn't PTSD, I know, because right after I got off the SSRI that caused it I didn't have them and I told my pdoc, and I said that's probably because of the new lithium addition to my med line up. So there it is, I have severe brain damage from an SSRI induced manic switch. I've tried getting off meds, I've given it time, I've tried to induce emotions through other routes, nothing works. 9 years probably means I'm not going to get them back and I need to just accept it so I don't suffer with frustrations of the let downs. I'm going to ask my pdoc if I can sew my previous pdoc for inducing a manic switch though. He ruined my life. This is the worst part of all that I suffer.

I've never watched Loki but I just looked it up, it's a show has something to do with the Avengers? I never watched any of the avenger movies and there are so many that I would have no idea where to start but they look good

Customer service is NO JOKE. They call it emotional labor and say it's one of the most taxing forms of labor. Having to pretend to be someone you're not all day and yet taking verbal abuse and attitudes is super exhausting. I've lost a lot of my filter honestly and if a customer is coming at me sideways I do the same thing lol

I just wanna say that Stevia is so fkn gross

I don’t have Disney+ or Netflix so I haven’t seen any of those shows.

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I Googled "I like everything" and it had a very helpful answer;

I love everything. What do I do with my life? - Quora

I want ice cream but it's too hot for me to carry ice cream home from the store. It would be completely melted by time I got home. I think I'm gonna see if my sister can bring me some next time she comes over. I've been craving it since it's the summer.

My favorites at the place I go to are mint cookie crumble, peanut butter pandemonium, chocolate peanut butter cup, chocolate chip cookie dough, and Star Gazer