Roll Call 186

I feel like I have too much difficulty concentrating on television series and stuff. I cannot even commit to watching a movie most of the time!

I can read books, so I usually choose that instead.

As for the pdoc stuff, I considered looking into malpractice stuff for one pdoc I had but I concluded that it wasn't worth it. It may be different in your case, but sometimes I think it can be hard to prove in a legal sense.

That is for sure! I worked customer service for a year and decided I couldn't handle it. I recently applied for a customer service job and I didn't get it. Honestly I think my skills are better when I'm in a more relaxed environment though.

I worked retail customer service for six years and phone/email customer service for two years and it really took a toll on my mental health. I was so good at putting on a happy face no one noticed I was hurting myself, starving, depressed, and psychotic.

Last few years I’ve been working corporate office work with no customer service and I’m better mentally (plus heavily medicated).

Do I miss it? Honestly sometimes I do. Would I do it again? Probably not lol.

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Honestly if I had it my way the people working in customer service jobs would be making 7 figures a year and the CEOs would be making hourly wages. Just based on the amount of emotional labor involved. Just a thought experiment.

Hugs Blue_Bird! I hope you'll feel better soon.

Hang in there Kit, I hope you feel better soon.

I've been doing it for 8 years now in varying degrees. You gotta have a thick skin

There are definitely aspects I like. I like meeting new people and the element of variety is nice. I can't be stuck doing the same thing every day. id get burnt out fast

I hope he'll feel better soon!

I'm sorry that happened. Is your backpack washable?

Thank you.

This Zoloft is making my brain so foggy

I Googled "Should artists take SSRI's"

"When serotonin and norepinephrine lower motivation and flexible behaviour, they can inhibit creativity. Hemispheric lateralization and frontotemporal connections must interact to create new ideas and conceptual schemes."

But if you get suicidal or depression/anxiety is too much to handle, Zoloft is good.

Here's a blog article explaining that it's good;

For Creatives With Mental Health Issues, Medication Can Be a Godsend | Allure

"SSRI and neurogenesis
SSRIs enhance adult hippocampal neurogenesis by increasing the number of amplifying neural progenitor cells (ANPs) rather than quiescent neural progenitor cells (QNPs)20."

- "Neural stem cells in the adult mammalian brain are the source of new neurons that contribute to complex sen- sory and cognitive functions. Most adult neural stem cells are maintained in a state of reversible cell cycle arrest, also called quiescence."

So SSRI's increase what you know already, more.. I think - Decreasing anxiety - Which lifts mood? Idk.. Hey look at this;

Adult neural stem cells (NSCs) must tightly regulate quiescence and proliferation. Single-cell analysis has suggested a continuum of cell states as NSCs exit quiescence. Here we capture and characterize in vitro primed quiescent NSCs and identify LRIG1 as an important regulator. We show that BMP-4 signaling induces a dormant non-cycling quiescent state (d-qNSCs), whereas combined BMP-4/FGF-2 signaling induces a distinct primed quiescent state poised for cell cycle re-entry. Primed quiescent NSCs (p-qNSCs) are defined by high levels of LRIG1 and CD9, as well as an interferon response signature, and can efficiently engraft into the adult subventricular zone (SVZ) niche. Genetic disruption of Lrig1 in vivo within the SVZ NSCs leads an enhanced proliferation. Mechanistically, LRIG1 primes quiescent NSCs for cell cycle re-entry and EGFR responsiveness by enabling EGFR protein levels to increase but limiting signaling activation. LRIG1 is therefore an important functional regulator of NSC exit from quiescence."

Idk wtf that means

I have to ask my doctor why he would ask my mom if I really have schizophrenia just after I start getting better and that's the only time I've known him. Why would he say that?

Why couldn't he tell me himself? And why did I only hear that because my mom told my sister that in another room without knowing that I heard it?

Is it because they believe that it would aggravate my paranoia knowing that my doctor thinks that?

I could have been diagnosed with something else from a different psychiatrist who knows.. Schizophrenia is a collection of symptoms is it not? Different and more severe depending on the person..

He's not a trained psychiatrist so he just says to me what ever he wants. The other doctor I go to thinks I'm smart. Many doctors have said that but my current doctor said "You're not stupid and I've seen patients with schizophrenia that are more handicapped" So it gets me doubting myself and my abilities or even wtf I asked psychiatry for help for - And I've gotten better. But my life was still really ****ed up.

My current psychiatrist is the only person that mentioned that he wanted me to live a good life. All the other people were focused on treating symptoms, had no hope, got mad at me for self medicating - And I get it yeah I was manic and reckless. But now I'm not.

Why is my family + treatment team being secretive about my mental illness? idfk

Feeling better guys. Plus I bought a new bracelet online. It was supposed to be $22 plus shipping, handling, and taxes but I got it for $5.39! I think I scored a good deal. I don't know why I got it so cheaply. It's a Disney bracelet too. Princess Jasmine.

Big bosses visit is over. The dinner at my house went well. They seemed to enjoy it and it was nice to get to know them a bit better. (They are from NY, I am in CA.) I can relax now that the visit is over. I feel lucky to have nice bosses.

Next Friday I am going to the Monterrey Bay Aquarium. It's for my niece's 17th birthday. I am staying in the city my sister lives in but in a hotel. Cost me $330 for two nights. Yikes! And then we will drive up to Monterrey and then I will come home on Saturday.

The toilet seat broke at work and they just duct taped it. Lol. They'll get a new one but it's going to take a few days I guess.

I always thought it was DUCK tape not DUCT tape. I just recently (like yesterday) figured out it was not DUCK tape. Boy did I ever feel silly.

I thought that for a while too. lol There are so many little things we don't notice right away. Like, why do they call the painter's green tape frog tape? Because once you lay it down and paint over it, it created a perfect barrier from the surface, thus the paint leapt over the tape but not under. lol So your duck tape would make sense with other kinds of tape!

In all fairness, they should have named it nonduck tape, because it prevents the duct work from sounding like a bunch of quacking ducks. hahahahaha

How's your new kitty doing SK?

I'm not sure, I'll have to check

I don't know about that last part, but in my experience, Effexor and Remeron have done wonders for my depression. And Abilify, too. That trio of meds is amazing for depression.

Are the doctors you're seeing psychiatrists? I would say in my experience it varies with other types of doctors who aren't psychiatrists. They have sometimes said I am on "too many meds" or things like that. But I just ignore them. Sometimes it can be tough to do. I've had to advocate for myself a lot.