Roll Call 186

Something else I won on that claw machine app came in the mail

I won like 7 things so far on free coins. Got two in the mail already. The hello kitty plush and this double dream catcher. I just pick what I know I can win. I did pay 3.99 one time fee to get free shipping on everything I win tho. But that’s all I’ve spent on that app.

I feel like the government is out to get me

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I did everything I needed to do today. Tomorrow will be a little busy, have a lot to do. But I'm glad I'm becoming more productive

Rest. Make sure you get enough sleep.

I exErcisED FoR 2 houRs. I woke up this morning and felt like I needed more deep sleep - Muscles achy. I made it to work by 9am though. I managed to get out of bed before taking the Vyvanse. I only need 1/2 a zopiclone to sleep - I've been taking only 3.75mg for a month now.

I didn't feel like climbing the thing because I needed more rest - But I did anyways. I smoked a little weed before bed last night and I felt unfocused - So no more of that unless I take Dexedrines. I listened to another podcast about meditation but my focus kept going in and out because of cars driving by, people walking, cycling etc..

Now it is time to relax.. Tomorrow I wake up at 8:30am again.

So for now I have free time and a much clearer mind - Needed to take phenibut cuz of negative thinking triggered by my mom. So far things are going good.

My new room is bigger so I bought a desk on Amazon for 100 dollar. I've been doing very well - Zero symptoms.. Just confusion.

Your new room? Did you move?

Tomorrow will be an easy day as far as cooking goes. I have tons of leftover tofu stir fry so I don’t have to cook! And in the morning I can have oatmeal which is just in the microwave. I do need to make some hard boiled eggs though but that’s easy. I’m proud of myself for cooking today.

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That’s awesome!

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My sister is moving out and the 3 bedroom costed 2100 a month excluding utilities. I moved with my mom into a 2 bedroom for 700 including utilities + I have a bigger room and closer to town - 5 minute walk to work.

So money will be saved ^-^

Then in 1-2 years, we'll move to the East coast and my dad will be retired so I could live with him idk.. I could go school.. But my brain cell is too tired for that now idk. I'm too scared to make connections or travel anymore. I need IRL friends..

So I'm chill for now.. Play guitar/piano maybe, podcasts, reading, learning, crypto, maybe games, videos, exercise.. conspiracies, talking to people, online courses, keto, neuroscience, technology, spirituality/philosophy/meditation, little bit of drugs etc

My life is very simple or no.. I'm ok with it. I will try ^-;

My hypersomnia is gone pretty much. I complained about it to all souls but no one cared lol

All those hobby sound like my life LOL that’s what I do all day sometimes

Yesterday I rode the dragon for 11 hours. WOW what a day. I haven't felt like that in 9 years. I had so many great experiences. DId a lot of work on my story, watched Risky business with my friend (what a perfect movie) watched SP paint!, Watched patterns, designs, colors everywhere in nature. Friend took me driving, that was a rush on the highway. DId PTSD work. Listened to so many great songs. What a day that was.

I feel stressed. I feel like the government and people around my apartment are out to get me

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Having some chocolate peanut butter ice cream

My sister got me these cat butt magnets, it looks like they’re coming out of the fridge 😂

I feel like but I'm not capable of trying to do it anymore. I can't bring myself to try like I used to. Even though I want to be dead. So I'm stuck being alive for however many years.

**** everything, I don't want to go to hell

Do you guys think that Buspar is good for anxiety? Anyone here tried it? I am thinking of going off of Klonopin and trying Buspar.

I hope you find some meaning in life! It's hard sometimes, I get it, but finding meaning is ideal. Sending positive vibes your way!

Bluebird, we all love you here. I hope you feel better soon. Do you know why you’re feeling so bad?

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I hope I don’t sound like a boomer but if you’re in your 20s and you’re struggling, please just keep going. Everything will be better over time if you just keep going. By keep going doesn’t mean you have to keep trying to be better all the time, no, it simply means to keep living. Take a break if you need to, take a rest, cry if you have to. At one point in life a new opportunity will come, be ready and grab it. It might scare you, you might be doubting yourself, but take it. My childhood was rough, my 20s were rough too, you guys know my story. But I kept going and took an opportunity when it, to my shock, came out of nowhere. Came from a place I didn’t expect and during the time when I already lost hope. Now I am in a better place. Keep going, help is on the way, the universe right now is conspiring to lift you up. Love you guys

Thank you!

I'm not sure but I think it may be because it's the end of my abilify injection. Like I used to get like this when I was on invega at the end of the month, like it wore off the last few days till I get my injection again. I get my abilify shot tomorrow afternoon.

I'm also stressed about some things and a little paranoid about a few things.

Yeah Abilify has some great AD qualities......could they space your injection closer?

Just realized I need to stay up later. It is when I get my best work done.