Roll Call 186

Hi Guys. I was back yesterday but I was pretty busy and didn't have a lot of time to get on My Support Forums. Because I had a lot of work to catch up on after being gone for two days.


I had a rough week last week, lots of suicidal thoughts. Then I helped out at a children's program at my Church Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday which distracted me but then Monday came and it all came rushing back. I tried talking to a friend, well texting, but she basically ignored me and told me to stop thinking about myself and to think of this other person who was in a car accident. So then I felt really selfish that I was asking for help even though I really needed it and then I felt bad and I felt ignored and unheard. So then I ended up SH-ing (and I had 18 months clean) UGH. So now I gotta start over.


I'm dissociated as heck. I don't know how my parents are going to respond. I left them a note this morning telling them I had SH-ed. I'm not sure if I should call my T's office and see if I could get an appointment earlier or just wait it out. I don't know what I am going to do. I'm in a lot of emotional pain.

Hugs @SK.. I hope you feel better soon.

Thanks Desoxyn

Hugs SK......

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Thanks SP........

HUGS WastingAsparagus

Talked to my Dad on my lunch break. He was okay. He seemed sympathetic with me. He offered to bring me coffee so I know he isn't mad at me for SH-ing. He just said I should have talked to them first instead of SH-ing. I know but I didn't want to. I was being reactive instead of proactive.

Sorry Newtus, I’m back and forth trying to get over it too, some days are harder than others. Today I haven’t left the house, and a severe thunderstorm gave me the excuse of staying inside. But tomorrow I plan on getting out even if it’s just to sit outside and read.

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SK I’m sorry you ended up SH’ing and don’t feel good. you have made a lot of progress over the past year though and I’m proud of you, I hope you feel better soon though I know it’s difficult

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My injection was rescheduled to next Tuesday

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I’ll be able to pay off my library fee next week. It’s only $10 thankfully. I hardly ever end up with late fees but I spent a month basically not leaving the house and couldn’t get myself to go return my books (I returned them last week). So it will be good to have access to all the books/ebooks/audiobooks again.

This weekend I’m getting takeout from that place I get my bubble tea from. I’m probably getting fried chicken or chicken strips, fries, and a bubble tea

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Saw pdoc today - going onto Buspar and staying on Klonopin for now but gonna taper off the Klonopin eventually. Hopefully this works!

On another note, I have a writing workshop I do not really want to attend today. Maybe I'll just tell them I am not coming.

I’m trying to drink more water and less coffee. As much as I love coffee I have bad acid reflux/Gerd and it’s not good for it. The problem isn’t from just a couple cups of coffee, it’s how I drink like 6 or 7 cups a day that’s the issue. I need to cut down. On that and sugary/fatty foods. I have an app called plant nanny that you raise different plants and they level up/grow by how much water you drink everyday.

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I have the same issue with coffee. I am trying to stop drinking it after 5 pm. I don't think it really affects my sleep but maybe it does.

I don't drink a lot of coffee but I drink tea by the bucketful.

I think I got bit by a spider or something. My ankle is all pink and itchy. I can't see the bite but it's so itchy. When I get home I'll see if I have any calamine lotion.

Did you go?

Blue_Bird, what is bubble tea?

Nah, I didn't.

Yeah sometimes stuff like that is hard to get up the motivation to do. I was tempted to call off work today but I didn't. In this case it was probably good because I got distracted for a while anyway. But I did spend half the day on My Support Forums. Lol.

Angelique, are you okay? I haven't seen your posts for a few days. I think I got caught up on the roll call since I was out. HUGS Kit

Also on my mind is the fact that I might be moving out of my parents' house but I am now getting lukewarm about it because it just doesn't seem as tempting as it was before. I don't know what to do. I also have a headache and I don't feel that well.

Sorry about the headache, WA. You don't have to decide right now whether or not to move out of your parents house. You can take some time to decide. Hope you feel better soon!

If it helps I still live at home. Free food. Free laundry service. Free cleaning service. Heck why would I move and be an adult? Only partially kidding.