Roll Call 187

I’ve had many therapists ask to see my wounds since I was 13 years old. So over the last 2 decades of different therapists.

I’ve had stuff like that...but in more of a intrusive thought that repeats and not a voice. I usually tell myself it’s protection and that works.....ie your mind is seeing danger and letting you know not to do it even though it’s saying to....it’s just working out the danger. Anyway if you become alarmed it seems to make it worse so generally I just thank my brain for being so vigilant and letting me know about the danger which I’ll avoid.

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I still say it’s bizarre unless there is some secret wound training they get which I doubt.

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I won’t lie and not trying to minimize your tough day but besides your sister I do wish that was my tough day. I literally feel like I’m almost dying with the physical symptoms of this pregnancy and my mental health is just awful.

Like I won’t lie, I’ve been sui off and on for weeks, almost broke up with fiancé, sleeping all day to forget the nausea and pain or just throwing up alll day. Back and forth between wanting this baby because I just hope I don’t die from pregnancy or birth. Struggling with insurance and and not having a doctor. And dealing with getting this complex to let us out early and the legal issues involved. Amongst other smaller issues that seem pretty much just moot at this point because I have so many large very large life changing issues going on.

It’s very bizarre yes. I agree.

Well I certainly don't like it. She wasn't very empathetic. Just "Put some Neosporin on that and some gauze and tape." No **** Sherlock. Although I didn't bother with the gauze.


They aren't medical doctors. I'm sure that if it was deeper than it appeared they wouldn't know. She kept making a big deal about it being more than 2 inches. WTF cares. Some T's care more about how many. Some care about other stupid stuff. It's a total mind F.


Sorry for the language folks. I'm really upset from all this the past few days.

Stomach is on 100 today and I just wanna curl up and cry

HUGS newtus

So sorry sweetheart. Can you do something soothing and kind for yourself?

I’m sorry and yea I believe it to be bizarre too. I just wanted to emphasize how common i think it might be for therapists to want to see. It’s weird to me. Doesn’t make it any less bizarre.

That's a good way of putting it. Maybe I can try to tell the voices that and get them to calm down because it is seriously stressing me out. I get the ones that are like, bang your head, throw yourself into a wall, hurt yourself, but these just seem like on a whole other level of voices. Thanks SP.

I shouldn’t have said that but I actually was just trying to making a conversational transition into the bottom paragraph. Blah.

Somehow my grandma found out I was pregnant and called my mom to see if it was true. I only have two people from my mom side of the family added on Facebook.

I was hoping no one would really find out since those two people never post on Facebook but it’s OK.

But I do know now that they will start talking behind my back about different things like how I’m not married and different stuff like that.

Actually I need to work later, maybe tomorrow afternoon....

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I looked into this once and the French call it something that translates into the call of the void....

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Yeah, I get that. In fact I am taking Wednesday off of work this week as a mental health day. Just going to zone out and chill and watch Aurora Teagarden movies (they are Hallmark but I bought them on Amazon so I can watch whenever I want!). And I plan on taking a long shower with a candle and doing my makeup and stuff. I need to plan taking time for myself. Maybe you do too?

Call of the Void: High-Place Phenomenon FAQs

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Did anyone happen to see what I posted like 7 posts back or more?

Thanks SP, that was interesting.

The one where you said you were Sui?
I'm sorry you are feeling so bad.

Yeah I’ve already discarded three responses to that post.....sorry youre feeling bad too.

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I just need support and encouragement

Same. I think we are all in the same boat.

Here you go:

I know you can get through this pregnancy, despite the ill health (your second trimester might be better!). I know you are going to make a great Mom. I know that you are going to be overjoyed when you see this baby for the first time.

I know it's hard with the insurance and the doctors. I think we've all been through that with our mental health issues. I know this is pregnancy issues but we can all understand. The medical system sucks but I don't know the answer to that.


Moving is so exciting! But also such a stressor. I know you will like your new house. It looks big!


I'm sorry that your family is talking about you behind your back. Forget them. We love you just how you are and for who you are.


Hope that helps!

My 30 minute check in was pretty good with my T--J. She made it really clear that if I SH I am in jeopardy of being kicked out of the program to either a higher level of care or just kicked out. That sucks though. I mean, you have to learn the coping skills before you can practice them. Whatever. So she said to write some poetry and look up scripture and talk to my friends and do everything I need to do to stay safe. So that's my goal this week. Oh and I'm going to practice talking back to the voices.

Oh gosh thank you.